Mum's the word

The rubbish diet challenge: part of a new way of approaching life in 21st Century

2012-01-23T18:37:00.001Z

On Friday I spoke to Karen Cannard for the firsttime. She was incredibly inspiring formany reasons. I want to write about herbecause she has found an alternative way to live that defies current thinking and does not involve being part of Occupy at St Pauls. Let me explain how. A year after having a baby she returnedto work and swapped a commute to London for one to Buckinghamshire so that she and herhubby could pay their mortgage. Sherealised that this was not good quality of life for her or her family. As a family, she and her husband took thedecision to move to Suffolk and live in a house where they could afford on onesalary. This gave Karen the freedom to give up work. What I love about Karen is her honesty. Shesaid it was tough being a full-time mum to young children. I can relate to that – it is not the mostintellectually stimulating experience. In fact it’s lots of routine, repetition and drudgery with the odd highlight.

Karen however was a woman with a sense of herpurpose. She had joined a LETS (local exchange trading scheme)scheme whilst living in Herts and so had already started to question the waymany of us live our lives. It all started from the point when she went on maternity leave and realised how few people she knew locally due to her commuting lifestyle. Prior to Suffolk, life had been commuting,getting home for a bite to eat, falling asleep on the sofa, going to bed and repeating the experienceanother 4 times in a week. Is thatliving? No, it is surviving.

We go forward in time to 2008 when Karen found herself accepting somewhat reluctantlyto take the rubbish challenge. Thecouncil were keen to have her on board because she was what they considered MrsAverage – a house wife with two kids – and no interest in green issues. It was an eight week challenge and she and herfamily reduced their rubbish so that by the last week they threw away one plaster! Today they just have a carrierbag of rubbish a month. More details about that canbe found on her website.

This was just the start of a journey/ adventure forKaren. Last year found her sharing aplatform with some of the great and the good talking to CEOs of waste mgmt andrecycling firms about what needs to happen next. She has alsospoken on radio 4 and been on tv. She isstill passionate about rubbish and can see how impacts on the world in the future - what will our children and children's children inherit. I don’t think she imagined any of that back in 2008.

Today she has started the rubbish diet where she hasinvited anyone who wants to participate in an eight week challenge where they slimtheir bins. The idea is to help peoplerecognise the challenges that they face in cutting down what they throw away. For example I live in a county, Herts, whichdoes not do mixed plastic recycling which means that there is a load of stuffthat I cannot recycle. Also because the council do not collect plastics, wehave to recycle those ourselves which is a dirty messy job. I do it because I am committed to cutting downour waste but I wonder how many people actually do.

I am looking forward to the next eight weeks in terms ofseeing what we are throwing away and how much we can cut down further on whatwe chuck. I know it is going to bechallenging and I am looking forward to some great tips from Karen. Karen herself is hoping to raise awarenessthrough a campaign on twitter and will mentor eight families during this period. So for more info check out the video on Karen's site - http://www.therubbishdiet.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-thoughts-and-hopes-for-rubbish-diet.html

I do hope all this will inspire you to join us in the rubbish diet. I find it so inspiring because much of what Karen does is unpaid and yet she ispassionate about her mission and it is vital in terms of challenging theconvenience society we live in where the focus is on consumerism. I take hope from the fact that she is forgingthe way of a new way of living. She doesnot need to ask herself if she is happy. She gains so much satisfaction from living a meaningful life full ofpurpose.

Exploring success: the essence of great leadership

2011-12-05T14:34:00.001Z

This is my third post on what it takes to achieve your dreams and the focus around building your own tribe Seth Godin style. This week I want to tell the story of Sadler Heath, an organisation which is phenomenally successful. This is largely down to the vision and dedication of two people, Jeremy Keeley and Gail Zolkwer who then got the support if many others. As I share more about Sadler Heath and what it means to me I think what you will see is that real success can take many years to come to fruition and involves a number of factors.

I am moved to write about Sadler Heath this week because we met together last Friday to celebrate the All Saints Pastoral Centre which has been a home to Sadler Heath since 2002 and as of yesterday is closed to the public. Sadler Heath started in 1999 and it took three years before it became what is known for today. In 2011 there are over 300 people associated with the organisation and we had at least 60 members there on Friday.

So what is Sadler Heath? It is a social enterprise for L&D professionals. It provides a safe space for people to come together to work on their personal development and all who participate are encouraged to be at their learning edge, something that was definitely achieved on Friday. We had some very creative and edgy performances at the end of the day that came out of the seed of celebrating someone who meant a great deal to each member of the group. There is a whole section about the vision of the organisation on the website but the essence of the organisation is captured in what was defined as the need for the organisation " our community members are facing a future of increasing:

turnover of roles, jobs and organisations themselves
adult to adult relationships at work
rapidity of change and therefore awareness and acceptance of impermanence, ambiguity, uncertainty and the possibilities that these bring requirement for self-sustainability, personal resilience, self-challenge and self-supervision and for building one’s own centres of support and nurturing in shifting sands
enablement of individual power through technology"

Sadler Heath is a magical place and at its heart is Jeremy who has excellent facilitation skills but that in a way is a given for OD specialists. What sets him apart is the code which he actively lives by, also known as the five As. Top of the list for me is acceptance of self. The more we can accept ourselves and our limitations, the more time we have for others. It is clear that he has done a lot of work on that part of himself. He also talks about attitude, a belief in abundance and actively giving gratitude for the opportunities he gets in his life. There was one other but I forget it now. If one had to summarise it, he lives out what he asks his clients to do and through his gentle loving nature he draws other people to him. They help him spread the vision for Sadler Heath and there are now satellite groups in London, Lewes and Devon. To give you an idea of what I mean, he spent a great deal of time this year looking at ways to save the Centre from closing. This involved convincing investors and developers about his dreams, which he did on top of generating new work and running a consulting/ coaching business.

What are the key themes here? The ability to enthuse people with a vision which comes from listening to others and meeting them where they are at. In other words at the heart of leadership is followship or in NLP terms it would be described as pace, pace, lead. The qualities I most associate with Jeremy is a sense of modesty and great presence - vital in terms of getting noticed and creating a following.

I leave you with three questions and I am very curious to hear your responses to them. How does my thinking resonate with yours? What thoughts do you have about what you can do to create a greater following? What will it take for you to be the leader of your own tribe?

Are you so absorbed in making a living that you have no time for living?

2011-11-28T10:39:00.001Z

At the moment I am researching into what makes somebusinesses more successful than others and in the process redefining whatsuccess means. My last post looked at how a community has been formed in North Herts based around a common interest,motherhood, and how that is now transitioning to a profit-making business.

In this post I want to talk about two very different peoplewho have a similar approach to life and yet are achieving success in verydifferent fields. The first is Ted Leonsis and the secondis Lynn Serafinn. Both are American andperhaps more importantly both have strong values which drive theirbusiness. In both cases their focus ison happiness or fulfilment rather than wealth as defined in the world’s termsand yet financial gain has been a by-product of their activity. This is a subtle distinction but a veryimportant one – the driving force in their businesses has not been aroundmaking money. To explain further, let megive you the five rules that Ted lives by:

1) Active involvement in local communities – this isbecause as humans we are first and foremost social beings and need to connectto others. He thinks it is vital tovolunteer and support projects within our local communities because apart fromanything it makes us feel better about ourselves

2) Allowing self expression – for Ted this has come out intwo ways: the discipline of blogging on a daily basis and more recentlyfilmmaking. The latter has led to thecoining of a new phrase filmanthropy to describe the power of documentary filmsto inspire, enlighten and serve as agents of change. He has established snagfilms.com to continuethis work. Another manifestation of thisis found in employees and advocates....

3) Astounding levels of personal empathy – this could belikened to a reservoir of empathy to empower others. Ted describes how he got alongside thecleaners in his current company and cleaned a stadium with them. Although this happened some time back, theytalk about it today more than President Obama’s visit to the stadium.

4) Acts of service – in his daily life Ted is constantlygrateful and looking for ways to give back

5) Articulation of a higher purpose – it is not just aboutdoing business, it is about being clear about your calling and allowing that tobe transparent in the way that you do business

How does Lynn Serafinn fit into this mix? She has been inspired to write a book calledthe 7 Graces of Marketing which goes into detail about what creates good marketingin essence. She talks about how thecurrent way businesses do marketing is making people ill and encourages us tofollow the 7 graces rather than the 7 deadly sins of marketing. She defines these as:

The Graces The7 deadly sins

Connection disconnection

Inspiration persuasion

Invitation invasion

Directness Distraction

Transparency deception

Abundance scarcity

Collaboration competition

What really resonates with me is connection. It is about remembering that everyone wantsto be heard and to feel valued closely followed by collaboration. When are we going to realise that we canachieve more by working with others? Recently Lisa Pearson aka the mummy whisperer when talking about her newbook explained that it had been road tested by 35 Mums. It is her content and yet she checked outwith those in her community whether her ideas worked. I do a lot of work in the corporateenvironment and competition is still alive and well. Looking at Ted’s five rules to happiness, Iam reminded that most businesses fail because the owners become so absorbed in making a living that they have no time for living(Ralph Waldo Trine) and forget about the higher purpose and the big picture.

Going through Lynn and Ted’s lists, which of theseconcepts do you feel drawn to and what could that mean for your business or theway that you live your life?

For more details on how to buy Lynn's book go to http://fb.me/1chTz55BC

How can you have failure and success in the same sentence?

2011-11-09T11:23:00.001Z

A few weeks ago my orchid reflowered for the first time. That was a major step for me because every time in the past, I have only managed to kill off orchids. It has gone from one bloom to five in a month. So what has that got to do with life and work you may be wondering? There are lots of parallels.

Some of the best things in life and work have to be nurtured and tendered on a regular basis. We need discipline. Going back to the orchid for a moment, it flowered because I had a ritual of watering it once a week. I had also discovered after killing off one of my early orchids that they are rather particular in terms of how they like to be watered. Their preference is for water to be poured into the saucer and not added direct to the roots as I had done so they can suck up the moisture when they need it. Running one's life and one's business is also a learning process.

I believe things come into our lives for a reason. Last week I was very lucky to attend a Local Mums Network event. I have watched this group evolve from the kernel of an idea in the head of one woman, Kelsie Wagstaff to something huge involving many women. At its heart it was about providing a community-based network for Mums in North Herts where we could come together and socialise, share ideas, pool resources and flag up worthy causes to support. In the 15 months or so that it has been running it has really gained momentum; so much so that Kelsie and her team are setting up a website and looking at ways to turn it into a business. Why has it been successful?

It was based on a genuine need - there was no space for Mums to get together en masse socially.
Kelsie, as the founder, inspired many of her friends to come along to the initial events and to spread the word to their friends. In fact that was how I heard of it - word of mouth through a friend of mine who is now part of the team running the group.
Kelsie believed in what she was doing and for many months, she was completely dedicated to it and then as it grew she asked people to help her maintain the momentum it was gathering.
The main intention of the network was to be in service of others. Kelsie was not driven by making money, she wanted to offer a space for Mums to come together and share.

Finding Local Mums Network at this point has been illuminating for me because it has given me lots of ideas about how to position and grow an idea that I and others share and want to bring into the world. It too will be heart-based rather than head-based.

I say a huge thank you to Kelsie, Rebecca, Justine and the rest of the wonderful women behind Local Mums Network (LMN) for what you have created and inspired in me. I look forward to seeing LMN transition into a new stage of its evolution. And so as you finish this piece, what are you/ would you like to grow, tender and nurture in your life? What resources and inspiration do you have at your finger tips? How heart-centred is your intention?

Finally remember Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm - Churchill because Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement - CS Lewis.

2011-08-05T22:52:00.000+01:00

I have just completed two weeks of an 11 week global leadership programme as a member of the faculty. It is the kind of programme that makes you realise the advantages of being part of a network of firms - the scale of the impact you can have is far greater than that achieved by small, entrepreneurial firms that are more fleet of foot. For example we have had some of the world leaders in their field come and share their thinking with us. There is so much I could talk to you about and below I have condensed all this into a couple of the insights.

I remember when I was 11 looking up to the six formers and thinking that they seemed so confident and wishing I was their age so that I would have that level of assurance. Now, many years later I realise that we all carry on learning if we are open to growing. However self-assured we appear this is largely a facade. Czikszentmihalyi wrote about this indirectly in his book Flow. He is the "father" of Flow and discovered it when researching into artists who got lost in their work. He then came up with the other mental states that we inhabit and suggested that there were two entry points into flow. The first is via control over emotional states; the second is via a state of arousal. The latter path is much more risky however because too much arousal can flip someone into anxiety! It is a fine line and my theory is that Genesis Park is deliberately a very intense experience because it wants to create the conditions where participants are more likely to experience flow. At the very least people discover that we all have limitations and hopefully let go of the need to be perfect!

I am glad it is now the weekend and that we all faculty and participants alike get some down time. Wednesday was the most intense day for me and I just took some time out and forewent the Chopin museum to spend two hours quality time with the girls. I had got beyond flow and needed space to regain my equilibrium. To be a good leader it is all about knowing our limits and having boundaries so we cope well with the pressure. Now I am looking forward to next week. I would love to hear about how you develop your resilience and your thoughts on Flow.

re: first thoughts from Poland

2011-07-28T05:58:00.000+01:00

I can't believe it is already Wednesday - the day we launch our programme and welcome over 40 participants! It has been a whirlwind few days since Sunday and I feel I have already gone into my discomfort zone which means that I am learning stacks. Let me share some of my journey with you.

The lead up was frenetic which is why I missed the email from my good friend Eileen offering to pick me up from Warsaw airport. I did email her but only six hours before I was arriving so needless to say there was no welcome committee. I was incredibly fortunate however because Tania, my girls' au pair, travelled with me and speaks quite a bit of Polish so we managed to navigate our way to the appartments.

One of the first things I realised was how important physical environment is to me especially when I am not at home. It is something that I coach people on a lot and now I recognise its significance for myself. Let me share a couple of examples of what I mean. The first thing I noticed about the appartment was its newness and the size. It is just big enough to fit my husband, the two girls and the au pair but it will be a squeeze when Mum gets here. Now I reframe that first reaction and say it will be cosy. The initial concern however was over the lack of cooking utensils for a three month stay with my family. Luckily my husband has brought over some of the smaller items and with help from the fabulous Ops Team for Genesis Park, more stuff is beginning to appear. We are in the process of getting oven-proof dishes so that I can cook for the girls. It has taken a lot of effort from various people to get this sorted; and that's largely because they are service appartments used to people doing short-term stays and so eating out a lot. We will be here for three months - an altogether different proposition.

What I have also realised is the importance of adaptability and flexibility. At lunchtime on Tuesday, I found out about the local culture in terms of dress. If wearing a skirt or a dress it is essential that women also wear tights - not something I tend to do in summer. Additionally whilst it is okay to have open toes, all shoes have to have backs which means I can only wear one pair of shoes on formal occasions because I mainly packed a selection of sandals. An excuse to go shopping this weekend!

As you can see I have already learnt a huge amount and it is only day four. It just shows how valuable it is to place oneself in new cultural settings and how important it is to appreciate difference and maintain a sense of humour. So I am curious to find out if you have had similar experiences in new environments and how you coped with them?

Silent Sunday: experimenting with calmness and stillness

2011-07-10T21:25:00.000+01:00

Today was a first for me. For months we had been planning to go away for the w/e camping with some of my hubby's University friends. They all have children so it would have been great fun for the young as well as an opportunity for the adults to catch up on a year's worth of news. About two weeks ago, the Universe, God if you will, decided to remind me that I was not in control of my life. I had a huge shock and had to make the toughest decision of my life to date. It was something I would not wish on anyone. Anyway the upshot of it all was that I ended up having a surgical procedure last week and was advised to take it easy for a week or two.

I knew my hubby would want to see his friends; that the girls love camping; and my body needed to recuperate. I realised that I had to convince my hubby to do the trip with the girls and leave me behind. In fact he was all for it and needed little convincing which felt like a result.

Yesterday our au pair was at home and whilst I rested, walked as a way to clear my mind, picked fruit at the old allotment, cooked a very healthy dinner of spicy greens with chick peas. However it was not a silent time. Today from about 9.30 to 16.30 I had the whole house to myself.

It felt very odd and I decided it was time to take a leaf out of Brene Brown's book on imperfection and experiment with calmness and stillness. Initially I felt as if there were a million things I needed to do and I went into human doing mode for a good hour or so, whilst tweeting and facebooking for inspiration. The lovely Rachael suggested the fab idea of lying on the grass watching the sky, something I enjoyed in the middle of the day when the sun was out, and yes I did apply factor 30 suncream on my face and neck! I used my neck pillow and practised my Alexandrian technique which felt really good to my back.

What got me into a place of stillness and calm was a 10 minute guided meditation using conscious embodiment techniques. It was magical and the key was focusing on the breath and that led to so much more. Later I topped it up with a practice which works with one's energetic field, also about 10 minutes which is as much as I can manage in one go.

I may not have had any life changing insights however I did realise I need to slow down in the run up to Poland. I made the decision to take about 65% of the next two weeks off which is a big step for me and focus on my family and getting fitter. The house is also the tidiest it has been in months which I find hugely pleasing!

I can definitely recommend the benefits of creating space and time for yourself as a way to revitalise and grow especially if you are a working parent! I had complete silence for around 7 hours and benefitted hugely from it. What small step(s) can you take to build more calm and stillness into your life?

What value do you place on being able to read?

2011-06-06T22:49:00.001+01:00

A colleague of mine, Moyra Weston, was inspired to set up a campaign called We dare to Care which at its heart is a vision to start a movement supporting and enrolling coaches and leaders to give their time to those that:

Will benefit from coaching and leading support
Can make a difference in society
Cannot afford to pay for our services

It is a response to the growing inequality within society and I and 93 others have joined with Moyra to make it happen. The purpose of this post however is not to talk about that campaign per se because it has a momentum of its own; really it is to share it as an example of something else that I have been grappling with for a while and which has finally been birthed so to speak.

I believe that we are always receiving messages about steps and ideas it would be good to consider in terms of spiritual growth. Quite often these ideas can seem preposterous to us and those closest to us, so it can take much longer for them to come to fruition. I have been grappling with one such proposition for some time.

In essence, what I am talking about is money, how we manage it and our relationship to it. At its simplest, it is about knowing our monthly outgoings and income. Do you know yours down to the nearest pound or do you know roughly what the amounts? I have been reading about through Ted.com and other sources about some inspirational people of late where there was a common theme. They each tythed a percentage of their income to the Church or charity or some other good cause and in the end they made much more money.

I realise that sounds counter-intuitive and one or two close to me enquired into what I had been smoking when I shared this idea with them. However I believe that there is an energy around money and the more that we manage it consciously and give away what we earn, the more that comes back in return.

Curious to see whether there is anything in this belief, I have decided to conduct an experiment. I looked into my current level of charitable giving against my income and decided to double the amount that I was tything. That was the first step. The difficulty was in deciding to what to donate the extra money. This evening I picked up an Evening Standard on the way home and the first three pages were all about the paper's campaign with Volunteer Reading Help to Get London reading. The most fascinating part was reading Sue Porto's, CEO VRH, experiences in the prison sector where she ended up as Head of National Training. Chronic lack of self-esteem often caused by an inability to read and write was a common trait amongst many of the country's most dangerous offenders.

As a child, I remember how being able to read opened up a magical world to me which I could enter at any time I wanted. So supporting VRH which is the largest provider of 1:1 reading support for children from disadvantaged backgrounds, seems like a good way to start my experiment of increased financial giving.

The photo at the top of this post has been reproduced thanks to http://www.flickr.com/photos/yomanimus/

How to get more out of life

2011-05-16T13:44:00.000+01:00

Just under 150 years ago a wise soul appeared on earth - Marie Curie. She is quoted as saying

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so we may fear less.

How much time do you spend worrying about stuff or fearful about what might happen? Go on be honest. We all do it to a greater or lesser extent and it is such a waste of energy. This was brought home to me very clearly by Dave Ellis, a leadership coach, who came over to the UK and spoke to over 100 coaches about 10 days ago.

He reiterated the rationale for long term forecasting - ironic as I am currently reading a book by a renown American strategist that forecasts what will happen in 21st Century. When I think about some of the successful local business people, they all make the same error which is to focus their energy on the next year to five years. Naturally their goals tend to be very self-orientated. When we start to look

out 50 to 100 years even 500 years then what we want to happen tends to be much more altruistic in nature. Try it and see for yourself.

The magic starts to happen however when you spend say 15 mins a day writing down and considering your long term priorities/ goals. It changes your attitude to life and you start to believe anything is possible which is different from a new age belief that if you manifest it correctly you can have anything. I don't agree with that and I got the impression that Dave Ellis does not either. There are two things to remember - be as specific as possible and make sure that you get a balance between these three foci:

What you want to be;
What you want to do; and
What you want to have.

This is a challenge but is important to remember as you do it. All that said there are two steps that come before that and they are:

Filling yourself up - what makes you feel good about life? For me it is spending time with my kids and working on my allotment principally. How about you? If you think of a balloon, it has much more oompf if it is full and next to none if it's depleted; and
Living your life in love and service to others (hence the suggestion to focus on what you want to achieve in 100 to 500 years time.

Many within the coaching community of which I am a member have already commented on this. For me the biggest thing is meeting someone who has become a multi-millionaire by being generous and living from a philanthropic perspective. It's radically different to the prevailing paradigm in the world today but it is definitely one that I want to be part of. I really recommend you try these ideas and I would love to hear how you get on.

Food for thought from a selection of Business Mums' Blogs

2011-04-21T10:11:00.001+01:00

I have really enjoyed being the host for this month’s Business Mums’ Blog Carnival. What an amazingly creative and entrepreneurial group of Mums we have out there. Something to celebrate as we prepare to spend time with family and friends over the next 10 days with Easter and the Royal Wedding.

What was really incredible was how consistently the posts fitted into a theme when none had been declared. There were a whole clutch of posts that were full of practical tips. Ipshita from Minor Edition submitted a post about the five mistakes to avoid when running a small business. Erica Douglas and Antonia Chitty who are the faces behind ACEINSPIRE give valuable advice in their post on how to grow your business. In essence it seems to be about setting stretch targets based on what you need to live on and the little extras that would make life great. Joanne Dewberry, Dorset’s Business Mum of the Year, shares helpful insights on how to promote guest blogs. This month Candice, who is in the top 100 wedding bloggers, has a guest blog on how to choose a wedding photographer, advice I could have done with 9 years ago! Apparently it comes down to the following four ps - personality, prices, products, portfolio.

We have a couple of entries that focus on what happens as your brand becomes established. KidsTravel2 are grateful for all their loyal customers and as a thank you they have now started a reward scheme. Our very own Helen Lindop shares her excitement around businessplusbaby going international and how Mumpreneurs in different countries often face the same issues.

This leads onto the next theme which focuses on the interplay between the personal and business. Becky Goddard-Hill in her post shared the top five blogs/ blogging platforms that got her through a tough spell and it was great to see a coach in the mix. Emma Burford recounts the fun that she had at Mumpreneur Idol. I found Erica's personal account about how far she has come in a year very inspiring. It will appeal to all those wanting to find a way to work from home and bring up their children because it shows it is possible to make good money in a relatively short period of time. Is Carol’s success down to the law of attraction or due to the fact that she is living her life on purpose?

The last three posts are all about what else you need to be successful in business. Cari Parker shares the joys of re-engaging with her playful child in her post, a key ingredient for success in business. Libby Hill, who is a speech therapist, invites us to watch twins talking to each other in their own language. It is a delightful vlog. And in a similar vein, my post reflects on the importance of creativity and educating the imagination from an early age and raises concerns about what is actually happening in the education system.

Enjoy these posts and do leave comments here or tweet me or any of the other contributors all of whom have given us plenty of food for thought.

Monday's musing: how to get in touch with your inner voice?

2011-04-18T17:15:00.001+01:00

Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 1 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Tina M Games whose book Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery (and its accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards) is celebrating its 1st birthday on Amazon on Tuesday May 3, 2011.

Author Tina M Games is certified creativity and life purpose coach. She calls herself the "Moonlight Muse" for women who want to tap into the "full moon within" and claim their authentic self, both personally and professionally. Through her signature coaching programs, based on the phases of the moon, Tina gently guides women from darkness to light as they create an authentic vision filled with purpose, passion and creative expression.

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent interview I had with Tina when I got to ask her some questions on started to journal, advice on journaling discipline and from working to being a coach then writer. I hope you enjoy it.
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Tina M Games: Thank you, Kate, for your interest in my book, Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery and its accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards. I believe that mothers are a significant part of the "ripple effect" - that will transform the world into a more loving, more nurturing place. Imagine for a moment a "pebble thrown into a pond." It creates a ripple that goes on and on and on.

When a mother is living life with complete authenticity, she's subconsciously giving permission for her kids to do the same. She's truly at her best - creating powerful change for her family, her community, and for the world at large. It's all part of "the ripple."

It's my belief that "a happy mother makes the best mother" - and our kids really do want to see their moms happy!

Kate Griffiths: Tina, what is your advice about starting this process for Mums/ Moms whose schedules are such that they have no time for themselves and therefore no concept of an "inner voice?"

Tina M Games: As a busy Mom myself, I know the value of time. But I also know the value of prioritizing. As I mentioned earlier, moms are at the beginning of the "ripple effect." Each and every one of us has the power to create great change in the world. And this change has the most impact when we begin with ourselves - looking in the mirror and honoring the person who is staring back. This is WHO will create great change in your life. So why not honor yourself with the gift of time?

A journal writing practice can begin with only five or ten minutes a day. One of the techniques that I use with my clients is called a "five minute writing sprint." I invite my clients to close their eyes for a few seconds and ponder a question or a quote. What immediately comes to mind when they think about this question or quote? I then ask them to open their eyes and begin to write for five full minutes. No censoring, no corrections in spelling - just writing, whatever comes to mind. Then I ask them to go back and read it, paying close attention for little nuggets of wisdom, often hidden in rambling thoughts.

In my book, Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery, I offer a series of journal writing prompts (called Moonlight Musings) that follow a self-exploration process. Each of these prompts are designed to take anywhere from five minutes to 30 minutes, depending on how connected a mom might be with a particular question.

I've also designed an accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards. Each card offers a prompt that guides moms on an inner journey to discover more about herself and how to honor her gifts in our external world.

Kate Griffiths: As a coach I notice that many of my clients like the idea of journaling but don't have the discipline to keep it up. I am sure this can be even harder for those who are mothers so what do you suggest for them?

Tina M Games: I can't stress enough how important self-care is to a mother. It makes her a happier, healthier person - all the way around.

As mothers, it's very natural to put our kids above ourselves. And while this may be necessary some of the time, it's not necessary all the time. As the airlines so smartly proclaim, "Always put the air mask on yourself before assisting a child or another adult passenger." In other words, "Take care of yourself, so that you can assist in the caretaking of someone else."

If we can take 30-45 minutes to have a pedicure, we can journal write. I do it all the time. The ladies at my local nail salon know that I will come in with my journal - and I will sit and write while getting a pedicure. They honor my time and they give me the space to "be" with my thoughts while taking care of my desire to have a nice pedicure. And I feel so much better afterwards, having taken that time for myself.

If we could all get in the habit of scheduling time for self-care (which includes journal writing) - with the same priority that we give everyone else in our lives, we can create an even stronger ripple effect. Not only are we honoring ourselves, we are modelling a great habit for our children.

Kate Griffiths: How long did it take to move from knowing that you wanted to work to becoming a coach and then a writer? What were some of the key steps along the way?

Tina M Games: Shortly after the birth of my first child, and after making some fairly significant life changes at the same time, I fell into depression - a place that felt so foreign to me, a place where I felt like I had fallen into a black hole with no way out. It was during this time, a period that spanned over two years that I had disconnected from everything that made me happy. Because my son suffered from chronic illnesses related to serious colds and severe ear infections, I made a very difficult choice to give up a successful career in order to care for my son full-time. I hadn't realized until this experience how much of my identity was tied into my career. I really enjoyed working. And without that opportunity in my life, I felt very lost and very unhappy.

It was during this time that I fell back on a great passion of mine - journal writing. And as a mom of a baby who did not have a normal sleep schedule, I found myself exhausted and emotional much of the time. So night after night, after I'd get my son settled and after my husband went to bed, I'd grab my journal and retreat to my favorite chair - beside a big bay window where I caught a glimpse of the moon. It was the moon that taught me the meaning of transition. I'd watch this beautiful lunar goddess, night after night, move in and out of her various phases. And before long, I began to connect her phases with my own emotional tides.

I noticed that the moon always began in darkness and gradually, she'd move into full light - and cycle back around again. And I noticed the contrast between dark and light - the darkness of the night sky against the beautiful full moon light. I started connecting to this - as if I was being divinely guided through my own transitions of dark and light. I began to notice the ebbs and flows of my emotions. There were good days and bad days.

And then one day, two years later, I had an ah-ha. After several conversations with my own mother and other mothers whom I had encountered along the way, I began to wonder, "Are there other moms out there who may be having a similar experience?"

I decided to create two focus groups of mothers where we could have honest discussions about motherhood, careers, and life purpose - and how they all fit together. These dialogues eventually led to a series of articles and then to the creation of my coaching practice - where I could work with moms on a deeper level.

This is when I decided to write my book. I wanted mothers to realize that every human transition begins in darkness and gradually moves into light, where we get a glimpse of what is possible. And then we retreat, to ponder the many ways we can manifest these possibilities into reality. This requires deep work, where we step into our own truth and into our own power - and where we can emerge in the most authentic way possible. This is what I call the Blue Moon phase - when we finally realize that we are here on this Earth to be WHO we are, to put our personal thumbprint on the world in the most truthful, most authentic, most unique way possible. Each one of us are individuals being divinely guided on our own purposeful path.

And looking back on my motherhood journey over the past 12 years, I can now say that everything I experienced along the way has factored into my bigger life purpose. Each experience, as painful as some were, led me to the point of where I am now.

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Tina M Games and that you’ll check out her book and card deck Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery this month at http://moonlightmomscircle.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Here's why:

FREE 3-DAY PASS

When you visit the page at the link above and request a "launch reminder", you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Tina's 3-day "I’m a Mom… But Who Am I Really? Telesummit" with 11 creative writing moms and grandmothers speaking on how to use intuition, journaling and creativity to explore life purpose. You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast.

This telesummit is a completely free "no purchase necessary" gift from Tina, to celebrate the 1st birthday of her book.

FREE GIFTS

When you buy Tina's book or the card deck during its birthday celebration on Tuesday May 3, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe.

To claim your 3-Day Pass and read about the free gifts, go to: http://moonlightmomscircle.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Tina tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Glenn M Smith who will be interviewing Tina on her love and understanding of the moon, intuition, revealing your inner truth and support systems. To visit that "stop" on the tour, go to http://sensitiveselfhelp.com/

Tuesday's thought: the new superfood

2011-04-12T11:03:00.001+01:00

Photo provided by Glutnix

If you know me well then you will know that one of my passions is food and that it is part of my focus on wholeness. Recently there has been a bit of a revolution going on in our household following the results of the OH's well man's medical test in which it turned out that his cholesterol was higher than it should be. This has led to an increase in the consumption of brown pasta, brown and wild rice and recently we sourced brown self raising flour.

This last acquisition was particularly important because weekend breakfasts feature pancakes on a regular basis. We make the drop scone variety and the girls cannot get enough of them. They are also a good vehicle for ensuring the consumption of fruit generally bananas and blueberries which are a well known super food. Recently however we were delighted to find out that another staple of our breakfasts both with pancakes and porridge is claimed to be the new super food. Yes maple syrup. In a study just reported at a meeting of the American Chemical Society, researchers analyzed the various compounds in maple syrup. They found 54 antioxidants, including five new ones. And they found polyphenols that appear to interfere with the conversion of carbohydrates to sugar, which leads the m to think that this might be a good sweetener for diabetics.

Some are less convinced by these findings because the same kind of polyphenols are found in fruit and veg. However we use it in moderation and I have to say that I am delighted that its natural properties have been recognised and I am sure that this has something to do with the fact that there is very little processing involved in the production of maple syrup. No need to feel guilty about your children eating maple syrup any more. Enjoy and spread the word especially with Easter round the corner.

What's education got to do with it?

2011-03-28T22:09:00.000+01:00

If you ever get a chance to do a workshop with Caroline Myss then grab it with both hands. She is one of those people who say it how they see it which is quite refreshing in spirituality circles where one can be smothered by too much niceness. Her mind is razor sharp and she does not suffer fools gladly. It has given me plenty to think about. I want to share one of those jewels with you.

Caroline is someone who is very fond of History which means she is able to show the links between events and how History repeats herself. I was struck by her observation about Plato, an old favourite of mine when at University, which was on education. What was recognised back in Greek times was that the key to a good education was to educate the imagination first. Think about that. Where does your mind go when you are relaxing. Does it dream about wonderful futures or does it create Bosch-like nightmares about what might happen? We can harness our fears by developing our imaginations.

If that sounds too fantastical then take a look at Sir Ken Robinson's TED talk in which he argues that education kills our creativity. He shows how the focus on literacy and numeracy in the education system is equivalent to working on children from the neck up. We educate them out of creativity when what we need to be doing is educating the whole person. That means placing much more emphasis on movement and dance. The picture he paints shows why children of four or five go into the education system full of curiosity and often as not come out the other end frustrated and bored.

All these reasons point to why so few people today feel fulfilled and why so few are unable to think outside of the current Newtonian paradigm that for the moment continues to hold sway. If you are a parent and any of this resonates with you, what can you do to ensure that your children develop a rich and vivid imagination, a tool that we need to solve the challenges that we have created on earth?

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

2011-03-21T23:26:00.000Z

I feel incredibly grateful that I have two wonderful girls. They say amazing things and are funny without meaning to be and best of all they have the ability to keep on loving me however I show up. The reason I have started this post with those sentiments is because it reminds me of a phrase from the famous passage in Marianne William's book A return to love in which she states "We are all meant to shine, as children do." My girls are a living example frequently of what we are called to be.

Tonight I was privileged enough to hear Marianne Williamson speak live at St James Piccadilly. She was forthright in her views saying that the time of data collection on the validity of spiritual perspectives is over. Rather it is about having faith that the true currency in today's world is love not money. Far too often we are still ruled by fear and give power to the material world and its focus on economics.

Marianne's challenge is that spiritual people do not have the same degree of commitment to their ideals as terrorists do to their world views. She urges the sleeper cells full of light workers to wake up.

In many respects there was nothing new in her talk. Many of us are aware of the universal spiritual laws. For her the key to unlocking greater understanding came with the knowledge that learning came through the relationships and/ or situations that she found herself in. There was no sudden unveiling of her ultimate purpose.

It was powerful and inspiring stuff and has given me plenty to reflect on. In my own life, I have found the more that I articulate my own ideas, the more often I find common ground with others. That is even true of the most recalcitrant and cynical. How about you? Does any of this resonate with you? If so how are you making it more of a reality in your life?

Events in Japan: a tragedy or an opportunity?

2011-03-14T22:10:00.000Z

The news has been saturated with commentary on the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Over 70 countries have responded to the request for help; the Japanese premier has mobilised 100,000 from their armed forces to support the north east; and today there was further concern as six months of radiation was released into the atmosphere in one hour due to the destabilisation of one of Japan's nuclear reactors. However we look at it, it is a natural disaster of epic proportions. I want to share with you two perspectives on this disaster.

The first is an article that I read in today's Evening Standard which suggests that we have become immunised to the horror through watching disaster films so treat it like entertainment when actually we should be giving to one of the many funds set up to aid those affected by the recent disaster. How does that fit with your take on events?

The second is more challenging and is one that I heard voiced at an event on Friday. The individual's view was that the people caught up in this nightmare had chosen to be there a long time ago - part of their sacred contract before entering this world - and therefore it is important to see the disaster as leading to opportunities to a new way of being.

When I first heard that, I took a double take but then I reflected. For some time now I have been having a dream in which the world is burning up on the one hand; and is being destroyed by a tsunami on the other. What has happened in Japan is not new. Look at what happened in Christchurch, New Zealand recently and if we go a little further back Queensland, Australia.

These are signs that nature is more powerful than anything we humans create. It offers credence to the view that the impact we are having on the earth is fastening climate change and all that could entail. From this perspective, it is a wake up call. We need to sit up and take notice and really look at our relationship with the earth. Part of the answer is about becoming stewards of this planet and its resources. What's your perspective on the events that have been unfolding over the past three days?

Photograph provided thanks to this site

Monday's Musings: traits of the leaders of tomorrow

2011-03-07T22:13:00.000Z

I wanted to share thoughts from A New Kind of Leadership (ANKLe) conference on the future leadership trends in the current generation of young people. At a conference on Friday the main speaker, Barbara Harvey, shared her insights into Generation Y (those aged between 10 and 30) and the impact the main traits of this generation will have on the workplace. Below are some of the key insights.

1. It is a generation that has grown up using IT technology from an early age which means that for the most part Gen. Ys prefer to make new connections online rather than face to face. An example of this is that when they are getting ready to go up to University, they make contact with other freshers via facebook as a way of working out who they will go to dinner with on their first night! This is borne out by the results of a recent meeting between ANKLers and Progressive Women. Progressive Women found the techniques that we shared with them on how to build rapport quickly in face to face meetings really helpful.

2. Gen Ys appear to be keen to collaborate and in organisations this manifests itself as a need to be consulted about the strategy of the department/ organisation even if they are not part of the decision-making process. It is a way to keep them engaged which is vital because they tend to be become disillusioned with organisations much more quickly than previous generations and have little loyalty.

3. Interestingly because the education system Gen Ys have gone through has involved huge amounts of assessment from an early age, there is a tendency towards needing and wanting regular feedback. This is everything from the boss checking in with them every morning through to regular comments on their performance. It is fascinating to note that some companies have started to do a daily pulse to respond to this need, asking staff to indicate what kind of day they have had using smiley faces and following up personally with those who have not had a great day. It is a great way to keep engagement high but the implications in terms of the bigger picture are that companies are going to have to revisit their annual performance systems and change them to reflect the way these people operate.

4. Also this is a generation that has for the most part accomplished multi-tasking. For example they are likely to have facebook open so that they can send instant messages to their friends whilst they are working and are listening to music at the same time. This means conducting conference calls as part of work is an opportunity to do many other activities at the same time. It also means that organisations are going to have to re-evaluation their protocols around the use of the internet if they want to keep these people.

5. Another key feature, in part due to technological advances, is the blurring between work and play. Gen Ys are much more likely to be working on a Saturday morning or a Friday night if they are really engaged. It makes one wonder about the impact on the divide between the personal and the professional.

6. Finally they tend to be very values driven. They want to see that the organisations they work for are actually making a difference in the world by having schemes that improve literacy and numeracy amongst the poorest in society for example. Unlike Generation X they do not just conform to the rules and buy into the idea that if they do that they will be successful and gain status. That is meaningless which enables them greater freedom to be creative.

In conclusion the future looks exciting. Everything seems to indicate that this generation has the potential to work together creatively to solve the ever increasingly complex problems that the world faces. Of course it could become the ultimate me generation but I am hopefully that it will be a force to be reckoned with and like many of the delegates on the day, I found the findings that the speaker shared with us very refreshing. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Monday's Musing: how can green issues have meaning in a recession?

2011-02-21T21:40:00.001Z

Photo courtesy of http://thegoldenspiral.org/

Recently Lori Shook co-facilitated a fascinating discussion to illustrate the deep democracy process. It left me with a burning question how can we make green issues funky? There have been well researched articles on the decline in interest in environmental issues in this country. At around the same time as I was reflecting on that question, I found out about The People's Supermarket and am very excited about the concepts that Arthur Potts Dawson is promoting. Most recently this was supplemented by my discovery of freegans. Let me continue by unpacking this further.

I have long been concerned by the amount of waste that we in the West produce as those who know me well are aware. In a small way my family does what it can to counter that through recycling, using freecycle, tending an allotment, shopping as much as possible from smaller, local retailers rather than the monopolies such as Tescos and Sainsburys. That said my concern is that we do not go far enough and that was brought home to me by reading the Evening Standard today in which it was quoted that British households throw away a third of the food they buy and supermarket waste adds almost 25% to that.

If we consider that the world's population is to grow by another 2 billion to 9 billion by 2050 then we need to change how we live. It is clear that in the UK we are conditioned into believing that we need loads of choice when we shop. We expect to see supermarket shelves groaning with fresh produce. This is brought home by the experience of The People's Supermarket which has struggled to make money because it is asking consumers to shop in a different way. The idea is that we need to base our shop around the fresh fruit and veg in season and where necessary add meat for flavour. To that end the People's Supermarket has very little choice of meat and fish available and it is all sustainably sourced so appears far more expensive then a battery raised chicken from Tescos which costs £3.

I really hope that Potts Dawson's social revolution is successful because he, like freegans (who employ alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources) is challenging the way we live. He suggests we can eat well without the level of choice given to us by Sainsburys and Tescos. Furthermore he is endeavouring to implement a zero food waste policy by cooking up produce that is about to go beyond its sell by date in the People's Kitchen which is then sold as ready meals to customers of the supermarket.

The People's Supermarket is offering us another model for life because it is a co-operative so all members have an equal share in the business and give four hours of their time to work in the shop thus cutting the overheads and so enabling Potts Dawson to offer produce at a much reduced rate. This makes the produce affordable to a greater range of local people.

So what can my family do? My pledge is to stop being seduced by the two for one offers and just buy what we need for our weekly consumption and be more creative about how I use stuff that is coming up to its sell by date. And what are you inspired to do going forward? I would love to know.

Monday's Musings: what's love got to do with it?

2011-02-14T18:38:00.000Z

We all know that love is an over-used word to the extent that it can have very little meaning. So from that perspective Valentine’s Day, a commercial take on that quality just compounds the cynicism or does it? We don’t have to respond as expected by going out for a romantic dinner or sending cards. Elaine Gast Fawcett has written a fabulous article which gives a very different slant to it all. In it she mentions Random Acts of Kindness (RAOK), something I came across about two years ago when Jessica Chivers a fellow coach and colleague wrote about it on her blog. RAOK are celebrated for a week in February, however my view is that we don’t have to be conscious of it for only one week of the year but can practise it more regularly. That said I want to share with you my approach to it this year as an example of another way we can look at 14 February.

Love can begin at home and perhaps ought to when we have a family. What follows is my take on Valentine's Day. On Saturday, I went with three of the women in my extended family to the Melting Pot. I had organised and paid for us all to do a chocolate making workshop for Christmas. I did it because I thought it would be fun but also because we all celebrated the marriage of a close family member to a person from another country and in both cases our relative has decided to make his life in their partner's country. What better way to mark this change than to bring other members of the family together. I also love to support local businesses where I know the owner and love what they do. As you can see it was a win:win on a number of levels.

What I did not foresee even though it was the Saturday before Valentine’s Day was how it would have further ramifications. I was able to give those close to me and those who support the Griff/ Mac household a special treat: handmade chocs by me. Our au pair got some, our cleaner got some and my OH got a bumper lot as well as the girls. It was lovely to be able to share out what I had handrolled or covered in cocoa dust on Saturday!

And yet there was more. Before getting out of bed this morning, the girls brought me some pressies: delicious expensive chocs and what was best of all, a beautiful heart mug. It had taken the OH ages to find it because he wanted one with loads of hearts on the inside so that I would be able to see them as I drank my morning coffee and know that there were people in my life who loved me. I realise that at this point some may be saying pass the sick bucket because in some ways it seems so cliched. However I maintain it is very important to receive daily doses of affirmation and appreciation. This is not only important when we have dark times in our lives. Nancy Kline who wrote Time to Think has said that one of the ten qualities we need present to ensure quality thinking is acknowledgement by others. In other words when we receive recognition, the quality of our thinking increases. So as you go through your week, think about how you can affirm those around you. It may just be with a smile, through listening and/ or a comment. I would love to hear how you get on or about stories of what has worked for you.

Inspiration can come from the most unlikeliest of sources

2011-02-07T14:09:00.001Z

This story starts several months ago when I was sitting round a room with other members of our Hitchin book club and volunteered to put together a list of books to decide by vote what we would read next when we met in a month's time. I have read quite widely and have often been the member of the group that had read a particular suggestion in the past. So it is fair to say that the other members expected some interesting, possibly stretching choices. At a loss as to what to put forward I asked my followers on twitter who came back with a whole host of suggestions, one of which was The Necklace by Cheryl Jarvis. When I read the synopsis of the book, it sounded intriguing so I put it forward. On the night of the vote, I had the casting vote and plumped for The Necklace. As it turns out, the book is not very well written and it became clear at the book club's Christmas party that it had not been a popular choice. I could not attend the January meeting where it was discussed because I was at a family funeral but I get the feeling that it was panned unanimously. I share that partly to give you a laugh because it is funny how things turns out sometimes and also to give you some context to what follows.

I want to spend the rest of this post exploring with you what resonated for me in the book, not as a defense of my choice, more because I found it inspirational. All that in spite of the execrable writing style. In essence it is about 12 to 13 women who led by the vision of one decide to buy a $20,000 necklace between them and share it, which in itself is an amazing example of collaboration. They each have the necklace for a month before passing it on to the next person.

What was so powerful was the symbolism of the necklace and the different values each woman placed on it, which sometimes led to situations that they had to confront and resolve in order to move on. For example one woman realised that there was very little joy in her life and over time she found a way to open up within the group and participate. There is a lovely scene towards the end where many of the group come together to support her in hosting her daughter's wedding by offering up their many talents to ensure the day runs smoothly. In the end the Necklace took on something more than had ever been intended. It became a vehicle for fundraising in the area of the US in which they lived and in different ways brought light, love and laughter to many women's lives outside the original baker's dozen.

What it revealed to me was our ever present need to find community and meaning in our lives and how the power of an idea can go much further than was intended at the outset. For these reasons alone the book is worth a read. Now you have heard from me, I would love to read comments about what has inspired you recently.

Photograph courtesy of Federico Stevanin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Calling all parents with a special announcement

2011-02-05T21:12:00.002Z

Who doesn't love a secret? We all do don't we. Secrets can unlock puzzles and give us understanding. Just like this phoot which represents discovery of the earth.

I am thrilled to be able to give all you parents the opportunity toshare a secret. When you hear it, it will seem simple as many truths do. It has the potential to enable you to support your child reach their full potential. Who doesn't want that? You can discover the secret out by signing up for a FREE one hour webinar with the lovely Lisa Pearson by clicking here.

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I rarely ever do a sponsored post like this. The reason I have agreed to do this is because I have known Lisa for a few years now and I trust her. She is genuine and is one of those few who have found their purpose in life and are living it for all to see. I know that whatever the secret is it will be of value and so I too have signed up for the webinar as anything that helps my girls grow up to be shining lights in this world gets my vote. Find out more about what the mummy whisperer is offering by watching a short video by Lisa herself http://mummywhisperersecrets.com/

Do come back and tell me what you thought of it afterwards.

With thanks to Filomena Scalise / FreeDigitalPhotos.net for use of the photo.

Moving from the Year of the Tiger to the Year of the Rabbit

2011-02-01T14:37:00.000Z

Today as I took the train up to Leeds, it occurred to me that it was almost Chinese New Year - 3 Feb - and I was curious to see which year was coming up so I got out my smart phone and did some surfing. It was also the first step towards stuff clicking into place. 2010 was the year of the Tiger. I don't know how much you know about the characteristics but I think the following characteristics have proven to be themes for the year - mood swings, honesty and hard-work. Tigers are reknown for their passion and there have definitely been huge vicissitudes in the energy levels this year. For that reason alone, I am looking forward to the year of the rabbit which will be calmer and where there will be a focus on diplomacy - much needed in certain parts of the world right now. As it happens, it is unlikely to be one of the best years for roosters albeit one with a very different energy to the current one. I shared those thoughts with you because they give some context to the first month of 2011 which seems to have been a challenging one for many in different ways.

It certainly put certain things into perspective for me and for that I am grateful. The other big learning came through a major setback. As alluded to in a previous entry the main thing I have been working towards over the last six months has failed to come to fruitition. Naturally I was pretty shaken up about it for a while and what helped were the words of a wise woman, Pamela Mattsson. Her comment was that it is important to give space for the disappointment and then to reflect on what I wanted to create. This seemed illogical initially as all I could do was think what's next and even when I had peace and quiet nothing came to me. My patience and persistence was rewarded (thought of your words at this point Michael) and a vision came which links many of the things that I am passionate about and builds on what I am good at. It is so exciting and Nigel Botterill, the founder of the Best of Franchise and multi-millionaire, would approve because it is big. This is so key to finding the energy to move forward because the vision is compelling and provides a focus in which to frame the next 12 months which will be my planning phase to put all the pieces in place so that it happens. So watch this space for more info.

Remember if you feel that the world is going to end, take a breath and try to see it from the perspective of opportunity. Yes the destruction of all that could have been or that was is painful but in death there is rebirth - the phoenix arose from the ashes. I had to let go much of what I had considered important for many years but in so doing cleared a space to allow what I really want to manifest.

As one door closes, another door opens

2011-01-19T15:01:00.002Z

It has been 20 days since my last confession. Of course what I meant to say was since my last post. Why the silence you might ask? Put briefly it is because my life was turned upside down on 4 January and putting it bluntly it has been messy. It's curious though that there is a perception that we need to present a professional image at all times and so I struggled away in silence. An observation: birth is incredibly gory with blood, guts and fluids everywhere as are other parts of nature. Put another way manmade people appear plastic and it is hard to relate to them.

That said we are multi-faceted and so whilst one part of life can be chaotic, another can be blooming. As members of the local school PTA, we were faced with the possibility that we would have to cancel our next event. This seemed crazy. A lot of hard work had gone into finding an Indian chef to do the food and an actor to be the compere for the quiz. Initially I thought oh no here I go again and then there was a voice in me that said no I was not going to take this lying down. As a team we needed to believe it was possible to get a successful outcome. It required pulling together through leadership and direction. Everyone on the PTA needed to believe we could do it. As a new Mum at the school, I know very few of the parents but I have a wide range of contacts outside school. Relying on the dogged determination that has been a trademark since childhood, I took 30 tickets, plugged the event like mad and sold most of them. It is not going to change the world, it's an event at a small rural school. However I am pleased with the result because it is a living example of what leadership means. It shows that we need to keep open minds when we are observing others as we rarely know what they are fully capable of. At the time the decision to act was taken, we had sold two tickets. The event is now sold out.

How to ensure a fresh start for the New Year

2010-12-30T23:54:00.000Z

If you know me well then you will know that I do not put much store into goal setting as an annual activity at the end of the calendar year. However I am very into rituals as part of life and was very taken with one idea which is to visualise what you would say to your closest friends if they were round for dinner on 31 December about your achievements and setbacks over the previous twelve months. It is a great way to focus the mind. Below is another exercise that have used myself and also shared with clients. I invite you to consider it as preparation for the New Year which could be 1 January, or Chinese New Year or in line with the seasons so here in the UK the official start of Spring is 21 March. Take whatever date works best for you.

The day before the new start perhaps tomorrow for some, set aside some time alone [alternatively perform the act with someone who you can share stuff with easily] and tune into what you want to see in the next year. Follow these steps:

Create a space for yourself. The ritual element gives the act more meaning and energy. So light that candle, say a prayer, take deep breaths, burn incense, add in some appropriate music [I can recommend anything by Deva Premal].
Say goodbye to 2010 properly. Take out a sheet of paper, and begin writing all that you are ready to let go of from the last 12 months and even prior to it, all of those things that you recognize have served their purpose and are no longer needed in your life. By "properly", what I mean is that there is a way of letting go. So, rather than saying "I'm so done with that" with an edge of regret or disdain, shift your energy to being grateful for the presence of this thing in your life, and the acceptance that it was there for a reason and there was a gift in it. This can be harder than it seems but is so worth it if you can see what it has given you.
Letting go. In a safe way, burn the piece of paper, and as you do so give thanks to God, the Universe or whomever it is you appeal to with such things.
Celebrate! When you are finished, it is so important to celebrate. Not only does it lock in the experience, but it is an acknowledgment of this loving, important thing you just did for yourself. Celebrating can happen in many different ways: maybe pouring a glass of fizz; or eating some dark chocolate; perhaps taking a luxurious bubble bath; or eating a slap up meal with a loved one.
Invite in the new. On the first day of your New Year, or as close to it as you can get, take some time to tune into and get clear on all that you would like to invite into your life for the next 12 months. Again, create your space and take out a sheet of paper writing out your intentions: what you would like to see show up, both externally i.e material things and internally. This can be done as a list, a letter to yourself, a drawing, whatever works for you. When you are finished, seal it in an envelope and keep it somewhere safe that you woll remember to take out and read in 12 months (it helps to mark a reminder on your calendar).
Act as if it has happened and walk your talk. Don't simply sit back and wait for these things to show up. In the days, weeks and months that follow, consciously choose to think, speak and act in accordance with the intentions you set. Dare I say it, set some goals and milestones, hire a coach to inspire you and help keep you on track, enlist a good friend to help hold you accountable. All of these things help sustain the energetic path you have created.

The photographer is Sarah Wynne and you can find her work here.

Post Christmas reflection

2010-12-28T23:29:00.000Z

I love this photo of different coloured Christmas baubles because it sums up so much of what Christmas is about for me. Lots of colour, bringing family and friends together, variety and fun.

This Christmas was different to others because my aunt died on Christmas eve. It was not unexpected and yet the timing was awkward. When my uncle phoned to tell us, my eldest was having a mini melt down because she and I had different views on what dress she was going to wear to the Crib service (she is 4 going on 14) and I was concerned that we were going to be late as it is the most popular service of the year and it was past the time we had agreed to leave. My father had to go outside in the freezing cold so that he could hear his brother and conversed with him for a while. Suddenly what time we got to the service seemed trivial. A day later than usual the absent friends and family toast was more poignant than in previous years as we stopped to remember my aunt and think about those she had left behind.

For me Christmas is all about seeing family and friends to share food and drink and be together. What I enjoyed about this holiday period was the time A and I spent thinking about what meals we were going to cook and what wines we would serve, including some rituals too. This is how I show my love to those closest to me. We baked a salmon for Christmas eve something that goes back to my childhood. My Grandmother's birthday was 23 December so we always had salmon on Christmas eve when we got together because it was her favourite food. Other highlights this year included a game terrine which we had on boxing day evening with a barley and pomegranate salad and crostini of roasted peppers and melted garlic goats cheese. For the major gathering of the clans, I made and served a venison and cranberry casserole followed by trifle or pears in red wine (courtesy of my Mum) and Christmas cake. What was special about the preparation of that meal was that my Mum and I prepared vegetables for the casserole together and it enabled us to bond through sharing a task.

We had the most fun on boxing day morning when we all went out to a field to go sledging. Old and young alike took turns on the sledges, often in mixed pairs. A and I both ended up falling off more than once - and I found myself in front of the sledge at one point! The grannies won the prize for going the furthest on one of the sledges. It was fantastic because everyone let go of their inhibitions, relaxed and had good, clean fun.

Note to self next year I am going to make sure we do something equally silly and relaxing a day earlier. Summing up ours is quite a traditional Christmas, it works and will not change much from year to year. In fact the few Christmases in my life that I have been apart from those closest to me or abroad have felt very strange.

Reflecting on Christmas, how traditional was yours? What went well, what could have gone better? What will you do differently next year? How much did you really enjoy it? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Details of the photographer for the photo can be found here.

'Tis the season to be jolly

2010-12-18T20:45:00.005Z

Just had to post this because it is very clever and gave me a good laugh. Quite a tonic after the day we have had.....

Enjoy. If that's not enough, do take a look at the following picture of our Christmas tree, drunk on water. A national lampoon moment if ever there was one!

How to enjoy the magic of Christmas

2010-12-06T21:05:00.004Z

So I am conscious that many of my readers are parents as well as professionals which means as well as having a family you are either juggling the demands of others or your own business. So when the festive season comes along, frankly it can all seem to much. As an example, at the beginning of last week I remember reading someone's facebook status which said that they had bought all their Christmas presents and written all their Christmas cards. My thought at the time was and it's not even December yet! This was followed by a cold sweat and my gremlins took over for a moment and started saying I was so far behind I would never catch up...(you can imagine the rest). Why I am sharing all this with you is because after that something amazing happened which helps to explain the power of conscious embodiment. I took a breath and relaxed!

It was a bit more than that! I centred myself and from that space of calm, I was able to say that although I did not know how I was going to get everything done, I trusted myself enough to know that it would get done. It was amazing how much I did get done in one day - Saturday, a day when my OH was off "playing soldiers" and so I was a single parent. The girls and I spent a lovely part of the morning at the Melting Pot in Hitchin because my friend Dawn who runs it, had an open day. They were happy playing with a train set whilst I caught up with a number of people and bought 4 main presents and a couple of little ones. We then went on to the Town Hall where there was a Christmas Bazaar taking place,organised by White Rose Management. My intention was to go and support Sarah and I ended up buying another two presents, some delicious and highly original cupcakes for the home team and placing an order for cardigans for the girls.

What was lovely was how easy it all was. I now have my two international parcels made up to send out tomorrow. The Christmas letter is also written and I am a step closer to finalising another present. Suddenly it all seems much more manageable and I have actually started to enjoy the run up to Christmas - this week both girls have their nativity plays and I can't wait. One of the bonuses of having small children is that their infection is contagious. We have written letters to Father Christmas and they love opening their advent calendars each day and asking how many days it is until Christmas.

In short if you found yourself nodding with the sentiments expressed at the beginning of this post then here's something you can try:

1. Find a space where you can be quiet.
2. Stand with your weight evenly balanced between the front and back of your feet.
3. Take a breath in and then a much longer exhale out that you imagine spiralling into the floor.
4. Check that your shoulders and jaw are relaxed and you have dropped into your gut.
5. Visualise the space that you inhabit beyond your body is evenly distributed front and back; left and right; and above and below.

Now you are centred and from this space say to yourself I don't know how I am going to get everything ready for Christmas (or put in something else that is causing you a certain level of anxiety) but I believe that I can do it. Stay in that space for as long as you can - 10 seconds, 30 seconds, 2 minutes, 5 minutes. Then as the days unfold from that point on, watch what happens. It can be truly magically.

What is the relationship between mentoring and authenticity?

2010-12-01T22:07:00.005Z

One of the things about mentoring is that you get back as much if not more than you put in. I have been mentoring an amazing woman who also has a passion for diversity. Earlier in the year, when we were both doing some training for the NBP, we got talking and that is how it all began. As it happens she is also a coach and an experienced one at that, which means that because we both take an informal approach to our sessions, I generally receive a free coaching session too. A wonderful extra I never expected when we entered the process, nor is it part of the official process.

The irony is that my mentee is mid-way through the recruitment process for an organisation that I have known for over half my working life. We had a session by phone today which had the primary purpose of preparing her for her interview next week. That was accomplished and so much more was as well.

It all started with an innocuous question about how I was. I started to relate something that I have been processing for a while that has been very painful. Before I knew it I was being coached. It was fascinating because through the conversation I was able to meet one of my saboteurs or as Wendy Palmer refers to them "grinches" (a much more colourful description). Rebel girl is someone I know well who wants to protect and will come out all guns blazing with the attitude of I don't give a f**k whenever she feels I have been attacked. Today I realised that to move on I need to be able to acknowledge her and the part she plays for me. I tend to wrestle with her or repress her which means that she pins me down by stealth - an amusing sight for those on the outside which can be mortifying for me.

What I was able to do by having the coaching conversation was first to get a longer term perspective on the matter; second to dialogue with myself and in so doing be more of my whole self and refind my centre. If you are into conscious embodiment, you will recognise the next phrase which is what I came up with: I am committed to the process, I don't know what the outcome will be but I trust whatever it is. Holding the space of unknowing rather than trying to control it, seek external approval or back a way due to a lack of safety is something I am really starting to get.

The beauty of experiencing such moments of wholeness is that I can share them with my clients and thereby give them practical tools to get more out of their lives as well as enable my own authentic self to grow. It's a great win-win. It is also a good example of what can be gained in a mentoring relationship.

Empire State of Mind

2010-11-22T22:15:00.007Z

Last week was mad as I crammed in a full week of work in 67% of the normal time allocated so I could take off for almost a week to go celebrate a special event in my brother's life. It was definitely worth it despite coming back to another hectic week of deadlines. We were all in New York for my brother's wedding and it got me thinking and what follows was the result.

Rituals are a key part of this life whether we are religious or not. This is in part because rituals have symbolic value. In the case of a wedding it is a public declaration to friends and family about a major decision on how we intend to live our lives. What made this wedding particularly special was not so much the family tie but other thoughtful elements. Let me a share a couple with you to give you a flavour of what I mean.

In the States, it is possible for the marriage ceremony to be taken by a friend who has secured a special license that enables them to be the celebrant for the day. In the case of my brother and his wife, they chose someone who had lived with them for a few months and so was able to witness their relationship in close proximity. The words she shared with us resonated because they described the couple that we knew and loved. More than that she had the ability to make the ceremony meaningful for all those of us who were married and in a way gave us the space to reflect on our own relationships and to renew our vows silently if we so chose. It was very well done.

One of the other highlights for me was the cookie bake, the morning before the wedding. Mainly women from both families gathered together for the activity. Beforehand I had assumed that one of the main reasons was to provide my two small children, both girls, with something to do. In fact it enabled me to have a real conversation with the bride to be as well as get to know some members of her family. At the end of the session, those who took part in the baking and decorating had made the favours for the wedding and my two girls got to ice and try a cookie each, which was just as well as despite prompting us to take one with us as we left on Saturday evening, we still forgot!

Although Empire State of Mind was not their first dance, it was the first song they played after the marriage ceremony and a remixed version came later. I love that song and the sentiment within it certainly rings true for me and my brother. He because he met his wife there and has experienced the can do culture in the work place. For me because it has been an important city for me over the last ten years for a number of reasons.

There are many other little details I could mention but I think you get the idea and as I hinted there is a bigger picture here too. We need rituals as a way to celebrate key moments in our lives so that they stand out from the routine of daily living. It gives us the opportunity to glimpse the universal truth that we are all connected to something bigger than ourselves. Rituals are also the only effective way to break bad habits. So what rituals have you created or been part of that have enriched or even changed your life in some way?

Photo was supplied by jsbanks42.

What do continuous learning and success have in common?

2010-11-12T12:51:00.005Z

At the moment I am really enjoying Rob Yeung's book The Extra One Per Cent. It explores through research and other techniques what those who are really successful have that others do not have and is very insightful as well as surprising in some cases.

As you may know, one of the key projects I am currently involved in is looking at how to develop an intense learning environment in a corporate environment where the emphasis is on performance with behaviour a secondary consideration for the most part. Challenging that's for sure.

It was with great excitement therefore that I read about Richard Boyatzis' work, a professor in the United States, who has examined the behaviours linked to attainment for over a decade. He spent two years working with outstanding partners from a very large Professional Services firm to assess their behaviours and subsequent performance. The interesting part was the findings from the monitoring of the partners over seven successive quarters to find out not only how much money they bought into the business but also the profitability of their work. He looked at a range of over 20 skills and the only two that were linked to both revenue generation and profitability were what he termed "values learning" and "facilitates learning."

This is amazing because what it is saying is that contrary to popular belief, it is not only coaches that need to continue their development and learning through adulthood, in fact we all do. Yeung goes on to explain about the T shaped mind being the vehicle for doing that. In other words individuals need to increase the depth of their knowledge in their specialist area whilst maintaining a broad interest in a wide range of topics.

You may say that none of this is rocket science but let me ask you a question. How much time do you put aside each week to keep yourself informed of developments in your field and beyond? Put it another way what do you do to address this need of continuous learning? How do you get a stretch that takes you into your learning zone?

Giving and receiving using the body

2010-11-05T13:11:00.004Z

I want to share something with you this week that is emerging out of a conversation that I had recently. First because it may help you to recognise a similar aha moment in a conversation and lead to you making the connections that you need to make more quickly. Second because I do believe that what we say and how we act is reflected back by the Universe for lots of reasons, one of the main ones being that we are made of energy.

Quite often those of us who are stay at home parents or part-time workers find ourselves drawn into non-paying activities that hold true to our values. For me this year it has been joining the Offley School Association (OSA) as my daughter started at the school. I think it is also dependent on what type of person we are. I cannot count the number of conversations I have been party to where people wonder why so few volunteer to ensure that charitable organisations can run effectively. That is a whole other topic but getting back to this one. If you are the type of person who is good at organising stuff or believes it is important to help create community then you can find yourself over committing yourself.

Context given how does that relate to the conversation I was having with a couple of men who are parents but whose kids have since flown the nest. We were talking about themes around spirituality and business the focus of our current book and issue that often crops up amongst those with a spiritual bent in life. They often keep on giving and are less able to receive what they need. Does this sound familiar? It all came together for me earlier today when I was chatting with a Mum and friend who is also a PTA member but not at Offley. Everything came to a head for her this week. She felt overwhelmed by events because her pattern is to give generously to others of her self until her energy is depleted.

So what is the answer? I don't believe it is about stopping to give tempting though that is at times. The answer for me lies in Conscious Embodiment. In other words seeing our bodies as a vessel through which the Universe's boundless energy of giving can flow. That may sound a bit odd to you which is why it is great to experience it through undertaking Conscious Embodiment - doing physical exercises which demonstrate this principle in action. It is incredibly powerful and more than that it is a way of protecting ourselves in a positive way.

The second part of the answer is allowing ourselves to be open to receive. Easy you say. It certainly has not been for me. I find it incredibly difficult to ask others for help when I need it. Perhaps you are the same holding a belief that it is important to be strong and to hide your vulnerabilities. Quite a few of these realisations came to me as a result of having a conversation about receiving and this is also how the Universe works. It brings things into your conscious thoughts if you start to think and talk about them.

If you would find it helpful to explore Conscious Embodiment further then there is an opportunity coming up in January to find wholeness through connecting the mind and the body here.

Where do you draw the line when it comes to another's happiness?

2010-10-27T21:58:00.008+01:00

So here's my dilemma. The OH has been offered a job which he really wants to do. Normally I am all for him being happy in what he does especially at work which occupies five out of seven days most weeks! Who wouldn't be?

My first feeling of unease came about when I discovered that because of the nature of the

Photo is by Henning

job, he will have to be office based. Ever since we had the children over four years ago, he has been a home worker which has been a marvellous sense of support. Although moving to an open-plan style barn did mean it had its challenging moments from time to time as he could not just shut the door to stop interruptions from the girls!

Yes it will be different but in many ways I can live with that because I believe he will be happier. So what am I wrestling with you might well ask? The role happens to be top secret which means he has to be security vetted. This means he has to fill in pages of information not just about himself but about me, our siblings and our parents. One question which particularly got to me was the one in which we had to declare whether or not we had loaned a thousand pounds or more to anyone in the last five years. The level of detailed information that they require about our financial affairs is incredible and I want to be able to say that's enough already. Instead I am being the dutiful wife and digging up the information he requires to get clearance. All I can say is I hope it is worth it!

So that brings me to this week's question for you: when do you say enough is enough especially when your actions could impact on the happiness of another? Put it another way what compromises do you make to ensure harmony in key relationships such as a marriage/ long term partnership?

The beauty of doing nothing

2010-10-22T18:29:00.002+01:00

Probably because I am on my first girly weekend since I do not know when, I feel inspired to write this post and to keep it short as the whole aim of this weekend is to chill, have fun and eat too much!

So when did you last take some time out for yourself? How often do you find yourself stressing about work, spending whatever free time you have with your children or your partner? If you are anything like me you also play an active role in your community because that is important to you too. It can mean that most of your week day evenings are taken up in some form or other and if you are lucky you have time for your partner on a Friday or Saturday night. That is if you are not out there socialising with friends or doing some other hobby at the weekend or just spending quality time with the family.

When this happens it can feel that our time is accounted for between the role of partner, friend, mother, work colleague. If we do not actively build in time for ourselves or as the Italians say perfect the art of doing nothing "bel far niente" then we can find ourselves running on empty. Or what's even worse feeling guilty when we do have some time to ourselves or overcome with exhaustion when we finally stop! I know I have been there.

If you live in an Anglo-Saxon culture then it is quite likely that you have been bitten by the work ethic and feel the need to keep busy. If this is your mantra then the beauty of doing nothing will probably seem alien and the ability to seek pleasure virtually impossible.

So if you recognise this in yourself and it is not giving you what you want, make the decision to change something. I can recommend going to Paris with a couple of good friends for the weekend, chilling out and eating gorgeous food. It's great for the soul and you know what I bet you will come back invigorated and with a new lease of life! And you don't have to go to that extreme, you could start by taking a glass of your favourite tipple, pouring a hot bath full of gorgeous bubble and a good book and lose yourself for an hour. Do let me know how you get on...

Dirty Sexy Money

2010-10-12T21:59:00.004+01:00

There are those in life that measure success in terms of their material wealth and others for whom this is less of a factor. So what you may say? This post has come about because money seems to be featuring a great deal in many of my transactions at present. This phase started two or three weeks ago when Steve who's co-writing a book with me, asked the other member of our triumvirate how much he would have to be paid to sleep with a stranger a la Indecent Proposal who in turn asked me. In both cases, we initially tried to dodge the question then claimed the moral high ground or created our own rules around it but the bottom line is we all have a price. Try the exercise on good friends of yours and see what happens - one thing I promise is that it will be illuminating.

More recently, money was at the root of a rift between me and another. Naively I had assumed that as both of us would claim to be spiritual beings, we would see situations the same way. If you are a Mum you will understand how flawed that perspective is. Just because two people are Mums does not mean they will get on or have the same parenting style. Likewise in my scenario, I realised it was important to recognise that we are both individuals with our own truth and different values. It was a hard one to learn.

Another issue that came up was around insurance and what adequate cover looks like. We all need some policies in place whether we work for ourselves or are employed. Critical illness insurance is very much a choice and many people decide not to have it believing either that they will never need it and or that it is too costly to justify. There are situations however when having or not having it will determine whether costs such as the mortgage can be paid. My OH and I reviewed our finances recently in particular what arrangements we had in place for getting the mortgage paid if one of us died and decided my cover was inadequate so now we are looking into term life insurance.

Another good friend of mine is in the process of being made redundant and she is seriously considering whether England is the best place for her and her family. Her view is that University tuition fees in the UK will rival those in the States in 15 years time only parents will not have the savings in place to help their children through in most cases. She also recognises how tough this country is to live in from the perspective of quality of life due to the long hours work culture inherent in many well paid jobs. As a result she is seriously considering emigrating to her husband's country as she believes that they will all be better off on a number of levels. On a personal note I will miss her but I can see that it may well be the best decision for her and her family.

This weekend, I spent a day visiting a friend in the rehabilitation hospital in Leamington Spa. She has just had a stroke and also has a pre-teen to care for made more complex by the fact that she is a single parent with no extended family at all. As you may know rehabilitation from a stroke can take months. Said friend is self-employed and due to the cost of critical illness insurance, has no cover. The irony is that she is supposed to be resting and relaxing to ensure a speedy recovery and yet she has some major issues to resolve including the care of her child whilst she is in hospital, which could be several months yet.

What does all this have to do with you is a question you might be asking yourselves. What's the big picture? It is not just that we all have a different take on our financial commitments and responsibility....It's bigger than that. It is to say that no matter how much certainty we have in our lives, insecurity is just round the corner. In fact the only constant theme in life is that change is a given. All we can do is decide how we respond to that. Do we embrace it believing that whatever is happening is happening for a reason which will reveal itself in due course or do we fight it every step of the way in a mistaken attempt to maintain control whatever the cost? Reflecting on it all it makes me realise that Jessica's view that we do not encourage our clients to give up that day job without thinking through how else to deal with dissatisfaction on the one hand and the implications of such a decision on the other.

So here are some questions for you to mull over: What's your relationship with money? Do you know how much you have at any given point? To what extent have you ensured that you have provided for those you have responsibility for?

Dealing with the unexpected

2010-10-07T12:52:00.002+01:00

One of my beliefs is that we are in this world to learn some lessons. Sometimes we get something first time and other stuff can be much harder, take much longer and trip us up many times before we get it. I would love to say that this post is going to share tips on how to achieve this but I would be wrong; it is an open exploration of where I am and will leave you with a question or two to consider.

What I am dealing with at the moment is anger. I remember when I was much younger the fragments of a conversation with my father, someone whom I consider to be very wise. In it he suggested that I carried a lot of anger. At the time I dismissed that view probably thinking something like what does he know. Of late I have come to realise that he may have been onto something.

Link that to a recent insight I have had about the relationship between letting go, compassion and forgiveness and it feels as if I am drawing together a picture. Let me elaborate. Think about a situation where someone has behaved in a way that does not fit with your values. The example that comes to mind for me is the response I got from an individual when I asked them to contribute towards the cost of the drinks at dinner. They felt it was unreasonable because they had drunk less than some others and the waiters had been over zealous with our last round of drinks and cleared them away whilst we were dancing and before they were finished. They expressed this in quite forthright terms. On reflection, I think their response upset me for two reasons: firstly it was not a reaction I had expected; and secondly it felt as if they were being tight.

For me writing this post is a way of letting go of the negative energy that is tied up in that transaction because it does not serve me or the relationship that I have with said individual. I am not yet able to feel compassion for them but that is probably because I find it very difficult to see the situation from their perspective. I do need to find a way to put myself into their shoes and so forgive and move on because they play quite a large role in my life at the moment and I do not think the time for us to step out of each other's lives has come yet. What is an easier step for me is to feel gratitude towards them for giving me this opportunity to put this way of living into practice and for giving me a topic for my blog.

So what do you do when someone who matters to you does something that goes against your values? How do you react? Do you talk it through with them, do you talk to others? What do you do with the negative emotions it raises? Do you just let it simmer away until there is an eruption? I would love to hear your thoughts.

A day in the life of....

2010-09-24T15:25:00.002+01:00

Love it when things come together. What I mean by that may not be what you are thinking. I was having a conversation yesterday with the lovely Kate Beddow in which she reminded me about some of the key lessons in life in particular enjoying one's kids when they are young as they do not stay that way for long. Kate is someone who has really blossomed through running her own business. She is happy to build it slowly at the moment to allow her to be with her children and really reveals in being able to choose her hours to suit her.

We embrace this notion of quality time together. Thursday has now become our go slow day. I have a whole morning with my toddler in which we do very little except to be with each other. That said we did have a lovely time last Thursday doing yoga poses from the fab Pretzels collection which are specifically designed for children. I have no car in the morning so am fixed to the house and surrounding village. After lunch the 3 y/o goes for a sleep and my eldest returns from school - she does a half day until December. We then get an hour or so to spend together which includes me watching her do her piano lesson.

Yesterday was slightly different in part because the youngest had picked up a tummy bug and spent much of the day projectile vomiting! Also I had promised to produce something for the World's Biggest Coffee Morning - a charity event to raise money for Macmillan - this morning. Thanks to Mum's the Boss I made their very easy and absolutely scrumptious lemon drizzle cake.

There is always the sense of feeling good when you do something for a cause that is bigger than yourself and your world so that helps to explain some of my sense of well being. Yet it was not so much that as the fact that I found a way of using up a jar of lemon curd that had been sitting in the fridge for a while and a small pack of icing sugar that had been bought with some cake mixture and not used. I love the neatness of the all, it appeals to one of my core values, thrift and not wasting any food wherever possible.

Love to hear from you and whether you got involved in a Macmillan Coffee morning and how that was for you. Also interested in hearing about how you ensure quality time with your kids when you are working

One solution to spiralling childcare costs for the working parent

2010-09-20T20:41:00.004+01:00

So it is two weeks since L arrived and she has revolutionised our lives. I was always a fan of having an au pair but it took a bit of convincing of the OH that it was what we needed. It is definitely the answer for those Mums out there who want more intellectual stimulation but for whom the cost of nursery makes work in any meaningful way seem impossible. This tends to be compounded for those with two or more kids. I thought I would share with you how to make having an au pair work as well as some of the funny things that have happened along the way.

One of the major bonuses of having an au pair is that it costs far less than the other options - we pay under £300 a month. It does mean that you need to be clear about the hours that they do - 25 hours is the norm but I do know of Mums that expect their au pairs to do more. A live in au pair comes into its own once the children are in some form of education. My eldest has just started school and my youngest does 5, 3 hour, sessions at nursery over 3 days so that the au pair does not have sole responsibility for the girls on any day. I think the trick to success is having an au pair that is slightly older and therefore more able to take a more considered view of her situation - mine is 27. Also because she is older, and fortunately for us has a degree in childcare studies, I don't feel as guilty leaving her in charge of the girls. All this of course is based on the assumption that you have a spare room for her to sleep in.

When I was considering the option of getting an au pair, the best advice I received was to be very clear about what I expected her to do and not to treat her like a servant. This was excellent because it made me write out a timetable for the week in excel of what I expected her to do. That was painful as it is not my way of working but at least it laid out the week clearly! The danger is that you think it is all over with at that point but I do need to keep a handle on it each week i.e for show and tell. This morning she did forget the 4 y/o's school bag which means she has not got her next jolly phonics letter/ sound.

Thinking about how to integrate au pairs, our view has been to include her as part of the family especially at weekends when she is not working but has yet to develop a social life. It does mean she has seen the other side of family life in that she is getting to know all the grandparents. I always make sure she does stuff she wants too. This Saturday I drove her to Stevenage so that she could check out Primark, a favourite destination of au pairs because it is cheap!

Talking of cars, the funniest experience to date happened on the first weekend L was here. We live in the country and so she has to drive to get the girls to ballet and get to her English classes at college as the bus service is too infrequent to rely on. I knew she was nervous about driving on the left hand side of the road but thought there is nothing to it, after all I manage driving on the right when on the continent. Well I lost count of the number of times we nearly hit a car on the passenger side because she found judging the distance very difficult!! It did not help that she was used to driving a 17 year old car so revved the accelerator rather than lifting the clutch up more. When we stalled we stayed that way for a while. A couple of left hand turns later saw us ending up on the wrong side of the road; fortunately we were not driving into oncoming traffic, one of the joys of country living. After two experiences like that I made the OH go out with her before it got dark and would you believe, he said she was a very good driver that's probably because my two previous attempts had ironed out the kinks. I still can't believe that I did not go grey from the experience.

It is a small price to pay for peace of mind. I do not have to run out the office on the dot of five pm. There are lots of other benefits too. For the first time in absolutely ages, both the OH and I managed to go out for a drink independently with our own friends. I am now planning trips to the cinema and so look forward to watching films when others do rather than months or years later! It brings so much freedom and at such a small price. The best gift she brings is her calmness and unflappable nature in the face of difficult behaviour from the kids who are finding the transition to the new way difficult.

There are so many other bonuses too. She is Spanish, my choice as I speak Spanish. I am so enjoying the opportunity to speak Spanish daily and am discovering new words and rediscovering what has lain dormant for many years. The girls are picking up some words and hopefully with time some phrases too. My hope for them is that they become bilingual, a real gift in a country like ours which has such a poor record when it comes to teaching foreign languages.

Any niggles you ask. No major ones. She does not enjoy cooking but as we love it that is no great hardship. Our response is to make sure we overcook so that there is plenty for the days we are not around. What it does mean is that she is quite prepared to wash up, a task I loathe so it seems a fair division of labour. In addition, she irons which is fab as I am hopeless at that and would rather buy a dry clean item then have to iron! She tends to spend the evenings in her bedroom out of choice unless we invite her downstairs and we have provided her with a flat screen tv and dvd player. Yes it costs more in terms of what we spend on food per week but it all still adds up to far less than other childcare options with many more benefits.

In short providing you can make time to help them settle in and make their down time fun. I am nadly introducing her to other au pairs and nannies in the village as a way of building her social life. We encourage her to get know people at college and have helped her plan a long weekend in London with friends. In two weeks she will receive a free weekend in Bath, the home of my parents, which is a great city for tourists and shopping. So if you are wondering how to make working and having a family go together, do consider an au pair. My only word of advice is that it is best to wait until your children are out of nappies because most au pairs do not have a child care qualification.

How can you juggle work in the City, a family and a life?

2010-09-10T18:34:00.006+01:00

Although it is Friday and fewer people read blogs at the end of the week, I am conscious that I have yet to submit a post this week. One of the things that I like to do is reach the goals I set myself and currently I have said I will submit at least one blog post a week quite a challenge with a three day week in the City, as well as pursuing other business interests and spending quality time with the girls on the four days I am not working.

What is the secret to juggling so many balls all at once? Here are my tips on how to do it often learnt through making lots of mistakes:

1. Be very clear about your values and how to make them come alive.

Now I have kids they are my top priority because I know I will never get this time back. It means that I make sure I leave London in time to see them before they go to bed and I am always rewarded with shouts of glee and cuddles which definitely makes it worth while.

2. Have clear boundaries between work, social and family time

I don't like spending my evenings on the laptop so I make sure all big things are completed before I go home so that I can really focus on my other roles as a mum, wife and friend. It is a challenge to get the balance right.

This week my eldest started school and as I started my new role in the last two weeks of August, we could not have a last minute holiday to mark the end of the era or anything like that. However we did have a very special day in which we went to Gulliver's Land just me and the girls. The sun was shining, we had a great picnic and some spoily treats like chips with our sarnies and later an ice cream. Everyone got to go on their favourite rides except for the Python: the youngest was too short for that. It was a great day and a fab way to mark the end of pre-school and the start of a new stage - I highly recommend it.

3. Communicate clearly what you need and want from others

Easy to say and hard to do. With my husband I have realised that I have to spell things out in black and white. A recent example was saying I need thirty minutes to think and write otherwise I get constant interruptions or there is an expectation that I will drop everything to help him with something.

4. Being grateful for what we have

We have our very first au-pair which is exciting and demanding all at the same time. Fortunately we are very lucky to have some with an even temperament who is very obliging but there are things that do not get done. She does not enjoy cooking and I asked her to do sausages, beans and potatoes for the girls. At 6pm nothing had happened because she was playing with the girls and lost track of the time, so my OH who was at home, got up and cooked the dinner. Again tonight she asked to help and I got her to do the cheese sauce, the cheat's way as perfected by Delia - bung the flour, milk and butter in a pan together and stir rapidly. She left it for a while and so we ended up with loads of lumps and much swearing under the breath from me as I tried to fix it.

The way forward: I need to remind myself of how much help she is giving and how many great qualities she has; and my plan is to write a plan of what I expect her to do this w/e along with a meal planner. In fact we are delliberately cooking more than we need so she does not have to do too much cooking on her own. Watch this space.

I hope this post is helpful and would love to hear what it has sparked off in you. I leave you with this thought that taking the time to invest in someone at the beginning and give them support will lead to them being fully effective and happy in their role much more quickly. This is true whether it's an au pair or a colleague at work.

(picture from http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthieu-aubry/2754725579#)

Under pressure

2010-09-02T14:43:00.003+01:00

Sometimes there are not enough hours in the day. Do you ever have one of those days when you feel there are loads of things that you need to get done and you don't know how you are going to get them done? If this sounds familiar then you will know what space I am in at the moment. It was in fact always one of my concerns about working in London three days a week. So what I am talking about? Here is my list:

Next week my eldest starts school, I have yet to buy her a pair of school shoes. An event I am not relishing because she is not a fan of black. That will happen later today.

The au pair arrives on Tuesday and we still need to make some changes to her room, most importantly we need to purchase a duvet as up until recently we only had bedding for double beds.

Ebay items that we sold at the weekend have to be packaged up, labelled and sold so that purchasers get them in a reasonable time frame.

In addition I have two pieces of work that I need to complete before Monday and tonight it is not possible because I hosting my book group. Something I engineered so that I could attend as I have missed the last few. Let's not get started on the state of the house which will need to be tidied up before they arrive at 8pm.

In addition I have until tomorrow to write an article for a magazine that I write for monthly.

To say that life feels a bit squeezed is an understatement. Why I am writing this blog with all of that to face you might ask. The main reason is that I thought this would be cathartic but in the process, my eldest who no longer sleeps has been unable to play on her own and my youngest, who is aware that the eldest is up, wants to get up and forego her nap. The second is a sense of duty. I want to keep posting something at least once a week so that there is new material for my readers.

Ah well onwards and upwards, I probably just have time to find the ralph lauren skirt I sold at the weekend and package it up to post it when we go out.

How to make the shift from being at home to corporate life as smoothly as possible

2010-08-26T15:57:00.003+01:00

I am sitting down to write this blog after an hour of peace and quiet. It has been a difficult day with the girls. In their own way they are feeling the transition from Mummy being a work from home Mum to a corporate Mum just as much as I am. The difference is that they are not yet as able to articulate their feelings as coherently as I can.

How has it been I hear you asking? What changes has it brought? Let's start with the good stuff. I love knowing what I am going to do in broad terms three days a week and being able to rely on regular money coming in. I enjoy being in London and having a 20-30 minute walk each way twice a day. Yesterday was a good example of the freedom I now enjoy which was the chance to meet up with a friend, who is back from Hong Kong, for a coffee at short notice without the girls. It is also lovely to be part of a team that is responsible for large scale change and it is very exciting especially as I believe in what I am doing. The bonus has been receiving compliments about my creativity and my ability to add value from the start.

So what am I less sure about? I do not enjoy the fact that 9 out of 10 women wear black or grey suits in the City, occasionally they add white and beige to the mix! In an act of rebellion perhaps, or just to ensure that I never lose sight of who I am, I have been wearing a lot of orange and coral these first couple of weeks. My girls have had to do two to three days a week at nursery and often 10 hours. Thankfully because of support from my Mum, this has happened less frequently then it may have done. I miss my girls and they miss me and the only good thing is that they greet me with peals of delight every evening when I walk in and both want to be picked up and hugged at the same time.

The least likeable aspects are the politics which are rife in most corporates, I just find the whole thing pointless and energy zapping. Even more concerning is the extent to which fear drives employees and how they behave. People have already talked about being "judged" if the project does not deliver. This is unhealthy on so many levels.

My tips to any other parent in this place is:

Be very clear about why you are doing this.
Ensure that the time that you do spend with your children is quality time wherever possible. It assuages the guilt.
Recognise what you are gaining from being in the workplace - for me I am regaining some of my identity which got rather buried over the last three years!
Talk through how you are going to make it work with your partner if you both commute and if they are visual, have a week or month's view that shows who will do the pick ups and drop offs; the dinner etc.
Monitor how the new set up is working. If it really does not work for any of you then change it. If it is tough but works then be grateful for what it gives you and your family

Love to hear your thoughts on this below.

Three very different examples of business success

2010-08-18T19:33:00.004+01:00

The longer that I am in business for myself, the more I realise that many people are searching desperately for the tips to running a successful business. In some cases they will pay lots of money if they think that it will give them the answer they think they crave.

Yet the secret to success is not so difficult to obtain. I want to tell you about three women who I think have got it and how they show it in their own unique way. They have two things in common they are all Mums and they have been brought together by the fabulous pair that run Mums the Boss.

The first got involved in Netmums when it was starting out back in 2001. For a small sum of money, she designed one of their sites and got paid £500 for doing so by Tescos. From what I understand, much of it was about putting together a set of templates and yet what the experience did was to sew a seed. Almost nine years later, this woman launched her own website design business with a little support from a skilled coach and her first commission from Mums the Boss. Today her business is going from strength to strength. She is an illustration of what can be achieved when we believe we can do it.

Another who impressed me is the person behind the business blogging carnivals. Like me there is only a gap of about 14 months between her two children and her youngest is just one. Despite all this, and it is a huge obstacle - the first year with two children I was in a fug most of the time - she has created an amazing website. She is brimming with ideas about how to develop her business and takes the attitude that it is all about exploring and experimenting to find out what works. In the midst of all this she is in the process of writing a book with that other well known mumpreneur, Antonia Chitty, about all the different kinds of businesses that you can run around raising a family. What a great idea! So what makes her successful. A dogged but quiet determination to keep on putting stuff out there based on a strong belief that there must be a better way to do business as a Mum than what has been suggested so far.

The final person in this trio also happens to be a self-effacing person. Yet as I talked to her, it was clear that she had a plan about how to make running her own business work for her. First she has a clearly defined niche, essential in a saturated market, and she has realised another secret to success and that is collaboration. She has a network of about six like-minded professionals who all work in the same industry so on the days that she gets stuck for ideas on a pitch, she has someone who can look at it all with fresh eyes and give a new perspective. They also pass on work to each other when they have too much or if it is more suited to another's specific area of expertise.

In essence succeeding in business takes guts, determination and perseverance. As one of the examples shows it often helps to have the support of a good coach so remember I am here if you need dedicated, focused support.

I hope these illustrations give you food for thought and remember we always profile one member a month on Minerva's Mind who has an interesting story to tell. This is in part about enabling people within the community to get to know each other and also about sharing stories that inspire. Please do get in touch, join or leave a comment below.

#Blogadesh - what's all the fuss about?

2010-08-18T13:40:00.006+01:00

If you are anything like me and on twitter and/ or facebook then you cannot have failed to see the references to #blogadesh. It has been a mad, crazy time in our house of late so even though I noticed them I did not explore any further until today. I was so impressed with what I read that I felt I had to do something.

Three of the top mummy bloggers in the UK, Josie, Mummytips and Nixdminx have been approached by the Save the Children to be the faces a viral multimedia marketing campaign to raise awareness about their work in Bangladesh. What is amazing is the speed with which this has spread through the blogging community and beyond.

What we can all do is add our thumbprint to SCF's petition so that they get 100,000 signatures before Nick Clegg attends the UN Summit in New York in September. I have just done it and it takes no more than a minute to complete so click http://www.facebook.com/savethechildrenuk?v=app_141330322563413. When you have done that, do share the details with all your facebook friends and twitter buddies. Also you can add the badge that I have placed over on the right on your blog or your website. The badge can be found here.

The irony of all this is not lost on me for two reasons. Firstly only last night I was saying to the OH that I wanted to do more worthwhile things with my life and we were talking about Greg Mortenson's fantastic work in Pakistan that's been documented in Three cups of tea. Separately last week, I was part of a conversation in which there was a view that many of the mummy blogs that existed dealt with topics that were of interest mainly to the nearest and dearest of the writer. This campaign goes to show the power of social networking and the benefits it can bring in terms of bringing much needed change to the world. And I am glad to be part of it all in a small way and will be following the updates from our three mummy bloggers avidly. How about you?

E's special day in pictures

2010-08-12T21:52:00.007+01:00

It is almost 22.00 on my youngest' third birthday. It has been a full on day. It started at 7.30am when she woke up to Bob the Builder balloons in her bedroom which was a big thrill so much so she had to wake her older sister to share the moment with her. I had to work in London so only had an hour with her at the beginning of the day and two hours at the end BUT it was a special day. She could not believe it when she came downstairs and saw the trampoline in the garden. Below is the beginning of her day in pictures which says it all much more eloquently than I can.

I am 3 today!!

A Bob the Builder balloon and Pingu on my dress!

Birthdays are just great - 1,2,3 let's jump for joy.

It was a low key day - lunch out with her grandparents and Mummy's homemade Bob the Builder caker after a dinner of 'babs but she loved every minute of it. I will savour every moment of it in the years to come. It was such a clear manifestation of joy like the moment when I came home and she had to take me upstairs to show me her new Bob the Builder pyjamas which she then wanted to put on straight away. Or when I rang at 17.00 to find out how her day had been and she told me all about her playmobil tractor which now had wheels and a man in it. Oh how lovely it is to see life through the eyes of a child :-)

What's love got to do with it?

2010-08-09T14:00:00.005+01:00

Those that know me well, know that I am passionate about recycling and was into it years before it became de rigeur. I even convinced the OH that it had to be done which is no mean feat when dealing with a Taurean whose known for his stubborness. We can often be seen locking horns!

This is not a piece about my relationship with my OH, it is about something that I have been mulling around in my head for a while. It started off after a conversation with a wise bear I know called Michael who was acting as my mentor at the time. His view was that I needed to think about my value and focus more on what I could contribute by setting up a social enterprise say rather than looking at status and celebrity. At the time the whole idea seemed extremely alien to me. Why would I want to spend my time searching out funding which if I was successful in securing it, I would then give it to one or more worthy causes. It seemed like anathema to me when I first heard the words.

Today I found myself in the company of a delightful woman, Sally M, who has moved to Hitchin in the last year and is getting immersed in a number of local projects where she can make a difference. She is doing it quietly with minimum fuss and is definitely adding value. The reason we came together was because I had volunteered in a rash moment back in January to get involved in producing a directory of local produce. Everything went quiet for at least six months and now we have deadline of October! In an hour we came up with a next step plan, a draft questionnaire and a list of over 20 local business with locally sourced produce.

It is very exciting for a number of reasons. First I have always been an advocate of locally sourced produce, it fits with my views on recycling and reusing stuff. OH and I love great food and so anything that will help promote local food businesses is a win. If, as is hoped, the directory helps to make the Hitchin Transition Town Initiative more real then that has to be a good thing because we need to really think about how we use scarce resources like oil and start living in a more sustainable way. The great news is that since I raised it on facebook I have had a number of fab women come forward and offer their local knowledge which is fantastic. All in all it is a win-win and it makes me realise how true the view that it is the level of contribution we make to the world around us which really counts and also that if we are doing what we love that it all comes together almost effortlessly.

Interested in hearing your thoughts on this and also any ideas of businesses that deal in locally sourced food in a 20 mile radius of Hitchin.

Tips on how to recycle and make money

2010-08-02T13:53:00.007+01:00

In two weeks time, I will be rejoining the corporate world after a three year break. This has happened because a number of forces came together. Ironically if you had told me that running a conference for co-active coaches in May 2010 would have led to a three day week contract with PwC from August 2010, I would not have believed you. It has given me the focus I need however to sort the house out before I start because I know it will never happen after I go back. I am on a high because I have managed to shift quite a lot of my baby stuff - and about time too you might add if you know me well because the youngest is almost three - and made around £600! It has inspired me to write these tips because up until now I kept putting it off for one reason or another. So here's my top ten tips on how to do it:

1. Have a deadline in mind: for me it is knowing that I start on 16 August and I want all this sorted by then.

2. If you have one get your partner on board because then you can split tasks and be much more effective and efficient.

3. Be very clear about what price you want for stuff. If you are not sure of the going rate in the used market then check out ebay, there is bound to be a few of the items you are selling for sale. If you are taking it seriously place a watch on a few items because then you can go back afterwards and look at the bid history. This is key because not only do you need to know the end price you want but also the start price needs to be low enough to entice people in to bid so that they keep bidding because they really want the item.

4. Pricing strategy on ebay: start low. We had two items on at the price we wanted and so buyers did not see them as a bargain. This meant we got loads of watchers and in one case no bids.

5. Don't be discouraged. We made a private sale on one item because the buyer saw it and missed the auction. The agreed price was still twice what others were getting for similar items but less than our asking price so it was another win-win.

6. Don't rely on one platform to sell your goods especially ebay. Tell everyone you know what you are doing and you will be surprised who buys stuff. Some relative of our cleaner's has bought the cot bed and we got more than the going rate on ebay for it. Another channel has been facebook. We have also used the local village shop as a place to advertise and online with the local newspaper which means people come and pick up thus saving the faff of posting it.

7. If using ebay then spend a bit more and put on extra photos of big ticket items and use the photo package that allows potential buyers to zoom in and enlarge at will.

8. Give stuff away too. We gave away brand new baby towels and unused sheets and blankets with the cot bed. I am sending an extra toy in a pack of stuff for a friend. It makes everyone feel good. I have also picked out some beautiful clothes for a friend's baby and sent them in two garden waste sacks!

9. Be ruthless about what will sell. There is a bin liner and a huge Next sale bag of stuff including a hardly worn suit of the OH's going to charity because that makes more sense then trying to flog it.

10. Trust the stuff is going to sell and it will but perhaps not the way you intended. It feels great because items that have hardly been used are going to a new home and we are recouping some of the cost back. It's a win all round ;-)

I hope you enjoyed this post and I would love to hear your stories of making money through recycling used items below.

A definition of true friendship

2010-07-28T14:51:00.003+01:00

Recently I wrote a wonderful piece by EnglishMum recently and felt inspired to respond with a post of my own and today I was reading the workshop prompts as set by Josie and she referenced the same post so I thought to myself that this was a sign so here's my take on sisterhood.

I have been blessed this week because someone whom I met when I was going through a very difficult time in my life, has come to stay for a couple of days. I had had prior notice that she might be coming but it was not until I received her text yesterday evening that it became real.

The funny thing was that she arrived to a house in chaos. We had recently received the girls' new bunk beds in the post and my OH had promised to assemble them last night. This was no easy task, it took four hours and A arrived in the middle of it. The mattresses were still in the guest bedroom, there was packaging all over the place and her first words were you should have told me it was inconvenient to which my response was no don't be daft, it will be fine and besides I really wanted to catch up with you. We have not seen each other for 10 months and could easily be that long before we see each other again. She concurred with me by saying that that was exactly what she wanted as well. In the end the girls were up until about 10pm which is an incredibly late night for them. They had a second dinner with us and we all had a Chinese take away because it was just easier.

I was all set to change our plans today because I was keen to spend time with her but she insisted that we kept the girls' original playdate with friends at the splashpark and tagged along. I offered her the opportunity of going shopping but she was keen to spend time with us all and it was lovely. In fact I was so grateful to have her in the car because I was able to leave her watching over my eldest who was fast asleep whilst I nipped into Sainsburys for her school uniform and some sandwiches - there was not enough time to get a picnic together before we left.

I am conscious that as I write this, I am not really defining what sisterhood means to me. It is the ability to reconnect instantaneously with someone without conscious effort. It is picking up the threads of conversations, thoughts and ideas where one left off months or years earlier. It is appreciating everything that the other person is. When I look at my friend, she emanates calm and that may be because she is a highly spiritual person, it may just be her nature. She also has an incredible capacity to give. She realised today that even though the girls were exhausted for different reasons they were going to struggle to sleep so she went upstairs and sat first on the youngest's bed and then on the eldest's bed and patted them to sleep. They loved this unexpected treat and it was so thoughtful because they did need the rest. Other things I value about her is her creative thinking powers, our conversations are always rich and often take unusual twists. I feel that I always have so much to learn from her in terms of her insights into situations.

In short I am grateful that I have her in my life. Such friendships in my experience are rare and I prize them highly. I have not named her because she is a very private person and I respect her wishes to remain anonymous. So what does sisterhood mean to you, what are your experiences of it?

All change

2010-07-27T18:08:00.004+01:00

This photo is about the only one of the holiday which has me in it too. The interesting hair style was thanks to my eldest who insisted on doing my hair before we left the tent! The photo was taken on a fabulous day in Le Jura. We managed to do something that OH and I used to love doing before having kids which was walking in mountains. The girls did really well considering it was quite steep; they only had crocs on; and the youngest is still only two!

As a Mum I have found that enjoying motherhood has come more easily for me as the girls have left babyhood, gained increasing independence and have been able to converse with me. Yes there is the cute factor when they are babies but having mine as close as I did (15 months apart), much of the first two years passed in a fog of exhaustion.

Why all this reminiscing because everything is about to change. I found out today that I will be starting a contract with a large blue chip company in the middle of August which will mean three days a week in London. What does this mean? The good news is that I will know my monthly income and have access to regular adult conversation. However the cost will be less time to do fun things with my gorgeous girls. It was today whilst we were at an Under the Sea potluck lunch with the eldest's postnatal group that I got confirmation of my start date.

I say all this and yet I do believe that if we suck the marrow out of life, there will still be plenty of opportunities to have fun. Being in London so regularly will also give me an opportunity to catch up with some wonderful people that I have not been able to see whilst based in Hertfordshire like Callie. So you could say plus ca change plus c'est la meme chose. However you look at it, it is exciting and I am really looking forward to this new phase whilst making the most of the time I will have with my girls until then.

How to get the most out of the summer holidays

2010-07-21T13:53:00.004+01:00

As the end of term nears, it's tomorrow for us, I am conscious that there is a long period of unstructured time coming up and I have a business to run! At times that seems rather daunting and I was rather taken with the superb idea given on this blog of writing a weekly planner so that the kids can see what we are doing. It will certainly help with my eldest's rather constant refrain of what are we doing today/ tomorrow or who are we seeing Mama? I have now been tagged by Sam Pearce over at Mum's the Boss to come up with my own holiday manifesto which gives me free rein to put my thoughts down on paper so to speak and make them real - thank you Sam. There may well be some reference to the fab top tips provided by Louisa on her blog which is a must read if you find yourself in the same predicament as us.

1. See this time as an opportunity
I am conscious that this holiday represents a turning point for our family. Come September my eldest will be in school which means no more holidays at off peak times. No seriously it has much larger ramifications. The friends that she has known since she was born live 30 minutes away so will not be going to the same school. Many of their Mums have or are in the process of going back to full-time work so holidays and weekends are going to be the only time we get to meet up. Our postnatal group is meeting next Tuesday for the first time since the rash of birthdays in April. Karie, a professional photographer, has come up with an under the sea theme and we have all responded in terms of what food we are bringing etc. It will be a blast. I have already sent out feelers to some of the others to make sure we have dates in the diary.

2. Catching up with people further afield
I have a university friend who has two girls just a little older than my two but the same 15 month gap who I only see in the summer so that makes this time special. We have agreed the week we will meet but not the date so must get on with that. We also have plans to catch up with my cousin who has two kids and a pool in her house and the bonus is that her Mum who lives in Oz will also be over. That is great because it is a mini break for me and the girls aa my cousin is definitely "the hostess with the mostest" and provides fab food and refuses any major help. A very close friend is also coming over from Zurich for a month and we hope to have at least a day with her and her family which will be brilliant as we only just saw them when we were over there on hols and our two eldest kids played really well together.

3. Mixing business and family life
We have a date to get together with a fellow coach and her son over the break and I am hoping that there will be one or more opportunities like that with people who I respect hugely on a work front and could enjoy hanging out with thus giving our relationship a new dimension. If you feel you fit into that category and I have not been in touch do drop me a line.

4. Enjoying the time we have together
I am very conscious of the need to enjoy this time and that to actualise this thought, my mantra needs to be just that. I don't think that is going to be difficult though because I am aware that we are coming to the end of a phase. Come September it is likely that I will have a contract which will mean I will be working three days a week for a long time. This means I am already feeling that every moment we have together is precious because there is less likely to be free time going forward and so I am less concerned about organising playdates as I want to hold onto this time.

5. Decluttering
We still have clothes that no longer fit either of the girls and I am sure there are loads of toys they have grown out of. I am definitely going to take some of the toys to flog it! at MAMA on Friday mornings as it will help clear the space. I am considering finding a professional ebay seller to sell some of the other stuff because I can never find the will to do it and whatever money I make, I know I will just be grateful for the space.

6. Days out
Having special treats is a key part of the summer holidays. We plan to spend a few days in North Norfolk and get in some beach action. We are lucky because it is my youngest's birthday in August so that will provide another focal point in the holiday period.

7. Having quiet time
Ensuring there are non-manic days or at least slots in the day so that I can talk to the eldest about school; practise her fine motor skill; and prepare them both for life with an au pair. Now that they are older it is easier to get out of the default mode that we must keep busy to save my sanity and their sanity.

8. Maintaining nap time
My 4 y/o still has a sleep most day as does my 2 y/o. This gives me and them time to regroup before we start again in the afternoon. It is vital to the smooth running of the day. I try to ensure that I either get my feet up with a book or still my mind so I can cope with the onslaught when it all starts again.

So I hope you have enjoyed this post and that it has inspired you to approach the holidays with a spring in your step ;-) It has certainly help me gain clarity on how I am gearing up for the forthcoming holidays. Do share your thoughts in a comment below so I know who has popped by.

Yo I'll tell you what I want what I really really want

2010-07-20T19:52:00.005+01:00

I had great fun today sharing some of my thoughts on the secrets to success in business with a group of really inspiring Mums who are managing to have their cake and eat it (literally and metaphorically). Seriously I mean create some of their identity through doing something they love and spend time with their children. We also enjoyed the most fabulous looking and scrumptious tasting cupcakes made by Louisa so any MTBHerts event is worth attending for the cakes alone.

What people thought the session was going to cover and what it actually covered were two quite different things. Some wanted practical advice on how to niche though in some cases they really had done it already and interestingly others thought it might cover that sticky one for Mums and that is how you create work life balance (WLB). It covered neither of those in part because WLB is such a personal thing in terms of what it means to each of us; and I have a belief that marketing/ nicheing and other such "how to" topics come after a much more fundamental thing and that is understanding what you really want.

As one participant explained, she has no problem with working in her own time to 1.30am if necessary or at weekends because she is passionate about what she does. In fact there were many there who felt that way about their work but there were many like the Spice Girls who still had no clue as the song says So tell me what you want what you really really want...I wanna I wanna I wanna I really really really wanna zigazig ha. And despite seeming clueless about the direction of travel, the Spice Girls made their fortune.

Anyway that gives you a taster of our session for which I was grateful to receive some really fab feedback from participants which always gives me a glow (a bit like the ready brek advert). If that was not enough I was able to take some of the scrummy cupcakes home for my tribe which made the whole day even more worthwhile. I leave you with some of the evidence ;-)

The value of being present

2010-06-09T13:20:00.004+01:00

How often have you felt that time is moving slowly? An image that comes to mind is a blistering hot day when it feels as if the tarmac is going to melt rather akin to some Dali painting. As the heat beats down, time seems to almost stop.

Alternatively when you have two children under two it can feel as if one is stuck in groundhog day as one day rolls into another. The repetition can be mindnumbing and the isolation intense.

At other moments, it is as if time speeds up. Before you know it the eldest is improving their fine motor skills, the youngest is chomping at the bit at the thought of going to pre-school and having a scene on the days she is unable to go. This week's favourite game in our house is "packed lunch". The newly acquired lunch box and water bottle feature big time. The former is filled with all kinds of pretend food, toy plates and cutlery from the girls' kitchen and the garden becomes the picnic site.

As I contemplate these changes, I am aware that I used to yearn for the time when nappies would be a thing of the past. Last Wednesday night another milestone was reached when the 2 3/4 year old had her cot transformed into a bed. Sunday night she went through the night without a nappy for the first time and was dry so that was yet another change. How different it has been from the experience with the first child. It was exciting when the elder reached each of these milestones and I could not wait for her to do it. Second time round the growing up of the younger has been tinged with sadness. There are no more babies in the house nor will there be more going forward. So as the youngest leaves one stage behind there is a sense of finality, of a door closing.

Reflecting on this helps me to realise why it is so important to enjoy each phase of one's children's lives because they move on so quickly. What I am holding onto from this week was the joy that the youngest felt from owning a lunchbox which had Thomas, Pingu, Fireman Sam and Bob the Builder on it. It is lovely to witness such joy at so small a thing. Oh to be able to hold onto that sense of innocence or recreate it as an adult. Helping clients to understand the importance of being present and rekindle that sense of delight and playfulness is part of what I do.

This post has been written for Josie's Writing Workshop and the prompt I chose was time.

The green shoots of change

2010-06-08T23:33:00.004+01:00

Lately I have been writing fewer posts on the blog and there are many reasons for that, one of which is that I have not felt the urge to write. Tonight despite the lateness of the hour, I feel as if I am walking on air; it is as if I am seeing green shoots appearing in a landscape that felt rather barren up until now.

I am wrestling with what could be a huge change in my life and at the moment I am not ready to share the details with you. Suffice to say that it made loads of sense when my good friend Michael, who is into all things astrological said that we are in the midst of huge transition. What I have read it to mean is that we are moving from a time which has been characterised by lack of structure and subtlety to the point of frustration, to a time of action. Bring it on is what I say.

It is not a seamless transition, there is often a whole load of flotsam that comes with it. I have certainly had my share in the last 24 hours which has included finding an infestation of carpet beetle in the house to putting unleaded petrol into a car that takes diesel! There is more I could mention but that's in the past and I want to focus elsewhere.

Two great things have come to pass today. I found out that I have been selected to coach a senior person from a professional services background which is wonderful because the client could have chosen others! The second was stumbling across a group of fantastic, resourceful women. I attended something as a piece of research for an idea that I have and came away with so much useful stuff that I did not expect which was very uplifting.

I am sharing all this with you because it is often when we are at our lowest ebb, when we think that we can take no more that something shifts and new opportunities appear. If this resonates with you, then reflect on the message of Coelho's The Alchemist. We tend to face our biggest challenges as we near our goal. Don't give up, keep believing.

This photo is brought to you courtesy of JBPhotographer

Coincidence or serendipity?

2010-06-02T19:24:00.004+01:00

This is the first time this week that I have actually felt like blogging and that is because I have something to share. I am just back from a few days in Bath where I visited my Mum with the girls. We all had so much fun and I thought that as part of the half-term break that it would be good to keep my time on the laptop to a minimum so that I could really focus on the girls.

It is funny how the Universe works. I was reading through the invitations I had received to connect on Linkedin and noted one from Kath Roberts. The first thing that drew my attention was her request to connect - she had taken the time to give some reasons. I then went over to check out her profile and discovered that her business was called Alchemy4thesoul. It really resonated with me and I am indebted to her because her business summary provided the encouragement that I needed to update mine so that it reflected my primary focus at the moment. I was about to sign off when I noticed that her location was Bath which is exactly where I was.

Intuitively I knew that we should meet and that is exactly what we did this morning for just over an hour in Bath where we had a coffee. What struck me about Kath was her naturalness. There was no posturing and yet it was clear that she was steeped in spirituality, if that's possible.

We shared our stories and all too soon it was time to get back to the girls. It felt too soon as there were so many other questions I wanted to ask her. Then I realised that it was just the start of our connection and that will be more and so I relaxed. Her parting gift was to mention two books that it would be worth reading and the funny thing is that I was only just thinking that I wanted to read more spirituality books.

I am so glad to have met Kath and for our paths to be connected even if it is only for a short part of our journeys through life. I have shared this with you because the more we open up to our whole selves, the more opportunities and enriching experiences come our way.

Today's lost children

2010-05-27T14:13:00.002+01:00

We all remember Peter Pan, don't we? For me it was a magical book when I was a child as I always liked the idea of a land far away in which children lived who could fly. In fact my copy of Peter Pan has my name written over it many times over as I was keen to claim ownership. Shame I did not know at the time that it was a family heirloom full of pictures by a famous illustrator, ahh well!!

I digress. The point is that the story of the lost boys came to me in bed this morning as I was pondering on how to respond to Josie's challenge. Underneath the outward layer of fun and games, there is a deeper underbelly or shadow side. I contend that to some extent the land of never never was where people went who refused to grow up and take on reality. They wanted to live in a world of fantasy whatever the cost and the cost was huge. The inability to give and receive love.

Does this appear at all familiar to you dear reader? How many people actually take responsibility for their lives and no matter what happens, are willing to say I am at choice here in how I respond. I can blame someone else or something else for what has happened or I can look for the opportunity that the situation presents and from that point start to grow. How many people do you know who actually embrace change? Why are so many people averse to change? Change hurts but as the alchemists discovered it is impossible to make gold without purifying metals and subjecting them to the fire.

Just so we are clear taking responsibility does not mean by default becoming a house owner or a parent. It does not mean the end of play or fantasy. Life can still be an adventure. One of the things that I am passionate about is enabling people to be leaders in their lives and thereby live an enriched life full of possibilities rather than one dogged by fear, uncertainty and feeling lost. Think what life would be like if everyone felt that their life had meaning and purpose.

I always like a challenge and Josie's prompts this week over at Sleep is for the weak provided that for me and I am very grateful for that. This post is a response to the request to take the word lost and be creative with it.

The power of love

2010-05-25T14:06:00.004+01:00

I am loving life despite its roller coaster nature at time. It feels as if so much is coming together. At the end of the day it is all about trust. Those of you who read my blog regularly will know that last week something really huge happened. At the time there were all sorts of emotions flying round my head and not many of them were positive ones. How did it all change? Two things happened.

1. I gave myself a reiki treatment and it enabled me to see the whole situation from a very different perspective and enabled me to see the opportunity in what could have been seen as a very difficult situation.

2. I remembered that I am always at choice for how I respond to events that happen to me. I can play the woe is me card but by doing that I am in victim mode. Instead I was able to seize the opportunity presented and see the freedom it gave me. I was now really and truly my own boss and could take Minerva's Mind in whatever direction I wanted and see what happened.

And do you know what it has paid off because one of our members so likes the new direction that she has linked Minerva's Mind to her own fan page, The Return2workMums Club. We receive many times over what we give freely as this examples shows.

In gratitude and as a way of thanking the Universe, I am offering a limited number of free sessions to all those who are members of Minerva's Mind. If you could do with relaxing or more energy in your life then make sure you are a member and get in touch for your session.

The end of an era

2010-05-20T12:22:00.006+01:00

Four days on and I want to pay tribute to someone who has been a significant part of my life for the last year. I wanted to include a photo of her but unfortunately the one photo I have of the pair of us was lost when my laptop crashed in December. In a way that is fitting because she is a very private person. If you are curious you can find a copy of the photo on Minerva's Mind. Karen is the one on the left of the photo.

Karen and I set up Minerva's Mind at the end of last summer. We had a vision and part of it was that we wanted to work with Mums who had two or more children and were wondering what was next for them: go back to work, embrace being a stay at home Mum or forge a new path. We threw our energy into the idea and what emerged was a six week course, lots of publicity, a venue, shed loads of marketing from flyers to all sorts of online routes. Unfortunately there were insufficient takers for it so it never ran. Undaunted we then created Minerva's Mind at Home which generated some interest but again did not really take off.

Increasingly as the months rolled on, cracks began to appear. Let me explain. Karen has a very successful business as an HR professional. She learnt how to use wordpress earlier this year, initially as another way of promoting Minerva's Mind, and in the spirit of play set up her HR blog which has been hugely successful, attracting lots of interest and comment. This helped her to see which way she wanted to take her business and it was different from what I had in mind. Things drifted for a while but then she had the courage to say this is not working and it is time for me to move on. I have huge respect for that because although I too could see it and was getting frustrated about stuff, I did not make the call.

Here's what I learnt from Karen. She is a consummate professional in all that she does. She has very high standards, is very composed and self-contained too. She also holds strong convictions and values - no one gets between Karen and her family for example. From these and other things I observed during our working relationship, I can see how she got to the position of HR Director in an NHS Trust. In addition she gave me the space to grieve the loss of our business partnership for which I am truly grateful because it has allowed me to come out the other side and start working on my ideas. Finally and perhaps most importantly, going through the whole creative process with Karen including the running of events together, showed me that I am a good facilitator.

All that remains is for me to say thank you to Karen for all that you have given me. I hope you will retain your link with the Minerva's Mind fan page and I wish you all the best with your endeavours going forward. I will always think back on our time together with fond memories.

Why can change be so immutable?

2010-05-17T22:19:00.004+01:00

This weekend I watched the famous film The Wrestler. I mention it because it really rocked my world. Firstly when I heard that it was the film we had received from Love Film, I was not confident that it was one that I wanted to watch. Then my partner told me that Mickey Rourke was in it and I remembered why I had chosen it in the first place. I have a secret admiration for the man who has not had an easy life.

Watching it reminded me why change is so difficult. Here was a man who had become well known for wrestling. He nearly dies and the doctor tells him in no uncertain terms that he has to change his lifestyle. To give Mickey Rourke's character his due, he tries. However, like many

photo reproduced thanks to DC Wooten

people coming out of prison, he fails to make meaningful relationships. So his response is to say f**k it and return to the world of wrestling. No conclusion is reached but it is clear that going back to the fight will jeopardise the wrestler's health.

For me it was a clear example of why change is so difficult. We all have a preconception of our worth in the world and that is so clear often that it is very difficult to change. When we genuinely try and make those changes, we are ridiculed by those most close to us like our family and best friends. This happens because we are not behaving in the way that those that know us expect us to behave.

Why have I spent so much time going through the plot of the film and what happens when we try to initiate change because it explains why 70 % of change initiatives whether in the workplace or personal space fail. It is not just down to us but how those around us expect us to behave.

The key to successful change happens on an individual level. It is all about believing that change is possible and sticking with that vision through thick or thin. So if you are struggling to see a change come about, think about the wider picture and what may be impeding that and from that view as the observer make a decision about how to change.

Love to hear your thoughts especially at the moment when I am having to deal with a change that has been thrust upon me and am dealing with the side effects which means handling grief and loss brought about because of the change.

Hung parliament: an opportunity for electoral reform

2010-05-07T18:41:00.004+01:00

On Tuesday, I appeared on BBC1 to talk about my thoughts on the election and predicted that there would be a hung parliament. Unlike the Tory Party I believe that this provides us with an opportunity. It means that there will need to be a degree of compromise if any two or more parties are to work together to form a majority in the House of Commons. This in itself will mean that all parties will need to listen to each other to find a way through the current ambiguity. For more information on what a hung parliament could mean for the country then do check out this.

Most importantly a hung parliament provides the biggest mandate to bring about change and electoral reform. Many of us have wanted to see a form of proportional representation introduced for some time and have been frustrated about the lack of progress. Also it would be wonderful to have a parliament with representation from minority parties in particular the Green party. I, for one, was heartened to discover that we have our first Green MP in Brighton.

Over the next few hours, the Conservatives and Lib Dems in particular are going to find themselves engaging in negotiations with the hope of making a backroom deal. What I am going to ask you to do is to take five minutes and have your say on electoral reform by letting senior Lib Dem politicians know how you feel here. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity so don't miss it.

How to be an author, a Mum and deal with OCD

2010-05-05T11:30:00.008+01:00

Today I am happy to host Vrinda Pendred, Founding Director/ Editor of Conditional Publications, a new independent publisher dedicated solely to publishing the works of authors with neurological conditions. Their first book, Check Mates, comes out on 11 May 2010.

Yesterday Vrinda stopped by Charly Latham's blog and if you missed it you can go here http://askcharlyleetham.com/blog. This is the tenth stop on Vrinda's 14 day blog tour to promote this ground-breaking book new book.

What makes it ground-breaking is that "Check Mates" is a collection of short stories and poetry either about or inspired by the struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), all written by people with OCD. It is arranged into two categories, Realism and Beyond. Whether feet on the ground, allegorical, or completely fictional, all the compelling work in this collection portrays the true story of this misunderstood condition. It is also the first ever fiction work completely written by OCD authors.

If you find this interview inspiring then sign up for the book launch reminder so you can buy Check Mates and receive over 30 free personal development gifts on 11 May 2010. Go to http://conditionalpublications.com/pages/check-mates-launch.html
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1. What are your tips for success as an innovative woman entrepreneur?

I basically have one overriding tip: never, ever give up. If you really want to do something then you can. Accomplishment is partly down to ability and mostly down to motivation and passion for what you are doing. As long as you have the drive, you will be willing to develop the skills and techniques necessary to achieve your goals and you will stop at nothing to get where you want to be. Sometimes I see people trying so hard to be something, but if you tap into what you already are, then there is no stopping what you can achieve.

2. How do you do it and make time for your child and deal with OCD?

I try not to think about the whole picture too much because it can become overwhelming. I also keep my goal in mind - I am an incurable dreamer and always have an image of what I want for the future, and this keeps me motivated to continue through the hard times because I am determined to make an easier future. I then break everything into bite-sized morsels - if you've got a zillion things to do, make a list on paper so that they are on paper rather than swimming around in your head driving you crazy (this is especially helpful if you have OCD). Rearrange them according to what needs to be done by what date. Then if you see you have six things to do by the end of the week, only put 1-2 things down in your diary to be completed by the end of the day. If, on one day, it turns out you still have got the energy and time to do extra things, then go for it but don't put pressure on yourself to do that. Always know that you can do a little each day and everything will be fine because you are meeting your deadlines. Then you'll have that tiny bit of extra time left over to devote to other things that you need to do .... or just to have a break! I devised this method when I was planning my wedding two years ago and what originally felt like the most daunting task suddenly became so easy. People said I was the calmest bride they had ever seen and the first that they had seen who actually enjoyed her day because everything went to plan. I now believe this is how to handle everything.

And if I find myself in a place where I just don't know how I am going to get through the next few days because I have got SO much to do, I keep reminding myself that once it is over I never have to do it again!

3. What would your message be to other women especially Mums who feel they have a book in them and have many other things to juggle at the same time?

If you really feel that there is a story bursting out of you, then let it out. Try not to worry too much about who/ what you are writing it for; just write it for yourself. If you want to take things further later, that's another step to think about once the book is finished. For the moment, don't pressure yourself when you already have a lot on your plate, and the inspiration will just flow and flow. As for juggling things: like I say take "baby steps." In the short term, you may feel you are not getting much done but give it a year and look how far you have come.

Vrinda will appear tomorrow on the wonderful Callie Carling's blog on 6 May at http://holisticfeathers.co.uk/ or http://empoweredhealer.wordpress.com/ And remember to sign up for the book launch at http://conditionalpublications.com/pages/check-mates-launch.html

Giving thanks

2010-04-30T20:26:00.004+01:00

It's Friday night and my OH has already checked in to see whether I will be joining him and the others downstairs so I cannot stay long. It is a fantastic day for many reasons.

1) It is my OH's b'day today and effectively he stopped work early so we could celebrate. My Mum also made us a cake which was a lovely surprise.

2) It is my birthday tomorrow and I have managed as part of Andy's b'day present to arrange for us to spend a night in a hotel with great food tomorrow night. Bring it on - a night as a couple ;-)

3) I went to the inaugural meeting of a new networking group for Mums and managed to find more people interested in my social media courses including businesses so work is really looking up.

I say us because tomorrow is a celebration and I will truly be middle aged, there's no hiding from it now. I don't mind as I have a great deal to be thankful for such as an amazing place to live (I can definitely recommend barn conversions); my daughter has received a place at the local school which is 500 yds from the front door; my work to have a street party for the Close I live in is coming together which will hopefully create more of a sense of community (yay!); my relatively new business idea definitely has wings and is attracting in customers which is fantastic; and I get to spend my birthday with people who really care about me; and many of my twitter and FB buddies have been out in force sending me wonderful, supportive and fun messages showing that I am part of wider community too.

So my wish for you my readers is that you too have a truly munificent weekend ;-)

A picture says a 1000 words

2010-04-29T20:17:00.002+01:00

I love this picture of my youngest and it is not because she is wearing my favourite colour - orange - which incidently she claims is her favourite colour. It is partly the fact that the hat works even though it is several sizes too big for her because it is mine. Most of all it is her expression, so full of fun with a hint of her cheekiness coming through. She spends so much time laughing and I find that approach to life such a tonic.

In fact there are times when I am beginning to get frayed round the edges and the stern parent makes an appearance, when she turns to me and says But Mum we are only playing. It brings me up sharply because often she is right. When I reflect, I realise that play is not something I find easy and yet it is a great way to learn. My daughters are great teachers with regard to life and inform my work with clients too. Being a Mum has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined.

This post has been written for the Gallery and the prompt this week was portraits.

State of mind: discombobulated

2010-04-28T15:21:00.007+01:00

As I sit here, I know that I am tired. In fact I am wishing fervently that instead of tweaking the monthly profile for Minerva's Mind and sending an article on social responsibility to Karen Birch for the 3rdimagazine, I had just had a nap. Afternoon naps can be so refreshing and revitalising and often absolutely necessary with two small children. Net result is a state of discombobulation because I hate to admit to any form of inadequacy.

Why am I so shattered you may well ask. Well it is all due to the fact that I had a great time last night with lots of girlfriend energy and got carried away, matching two of my friends drink for drink. As one of them commented this morning when we texted each other I think I am still drunk! It was midnight when I kicked them out. So yes it is all self-inflicted.

The danger is that when you get tired, it is far more difficult to see things in perspective. In other words, your shadow side makes an appearance. How does it manifest itself? Usually as a voice in your head that starts making comments which are derogatory at best. If you get sucked into whatever it is saying and start to believe it, your confidence and self-belief takes a knock. If it gets really bad, paranoia can set in and you start questioning everything you are doing. Sound familiar?

Note so self: I really must start practising what I share with my clients and that is SELF-CARE. Too late for now, the two year old is awake and her voice is rising into a crescendo because quite rightly she expects Mummy to appear and bring on the entertainment. Thankfully the eldest has been taken to ballet and will be back later. My prayer: oh Universe give me the strength to get through the rest of this afternoon until bedtime.

This was written as part of the Writing Workshop over at Sleep is for the Weak and is a response to the prompt Pick an emotion that best represents your state of mind right now and write on it creatively. Mission accomplished but I am not at all sure how creative this piece is.

What politicians need to do to win my vote

2010-04-26T13:33:00.004+01:00

This post has been inspired by the request for pieces on the election for the next British Mummy Bloggers' Carnival and the need to meet a magazine deadline which is looming where the topic suggested is social responsibility. For me both topics are linked and I am going to explain how.

There has been a real concern that due to the level of distrust surrounding politicians, turn out on 6 May will be lower than ever. The good news is that whatever people thought of the first leaders' debate on TV, another half a million people registered to vote after watching that programme. I know it is our social responsibility to vote and yet I look at the choices and I am not inspired. We have recorded both leaders' debates on television and yet I have still to watch them in their entirety. I found the presenter of the first quite wooden and guess I have been more intrigued by what has happened to each party in the opinion polls post the debates than getting into the debates themselves.

So what would get me more motivated to join in and really take part in the run up to the election? There would need to be some radical proposals for tackling the issue that is dear to my heart and that is the Environment. Climate change is very real - you only have to look at the changes in weather in the UK over the last few years and the major flood damage that has been caused to see that. And yet it goes beyond climate change and the fact that many natural resources such as fossil fuels are going to run out. It is about questioning the old economic paradigm that continual growth is good because that is what got us into the current mess. We need a creative approach to this reality.

When I raised this issue much more succinctly to a panel of politicians as part of a six month TV programme that I have been involved in(thanks to Sam Pearce from Mum's the Boss), the responses for the most part were pure flannel. The representatives of each party bar Labour agreed with me but did not have any concrete proposals on how to tackle these issues. Even Labour only had a partial response. As a Mum I am concerned that we create a sustainable future for all our children. That means encouraging the creation of "heart-based" businesses which place an emphasis on building and developing whole people and community as part of their mission. The challenge is to encourage collectivist approaches to key issues as happened with the development of the Lewes pound, whilst allowing room for individual creativity. This could be seen as a paradox but I believe it is only when we hold both sides of an issue and wrestle with that level of complexity that we can find a path through.

I live in hope that as we come into the last week of the election, we will start to see a real grappling of these key issues and that I and other voters who remain undecided will become more involved and see how our vote can count. What do you think?

The marking of a major milestone

2010-04-23T23:03:00.003+01:00

Yesterday my eldest was four. We gave her a bike for her birthday and despite the fact that it was not one of those very tacky, cheapily made Princess bikes that she really desired, she loved it. We had hidden it under a blanket in our bedroom and it was the last present she discovered yesterday morning. She was particularly enamoured by the pink bag on the front which ressembled back pack.

Over the last two days she has asked both the OH and I to take her out on the bike. It was quite a painful exercise for us, bent double over the bike to keep her steady. Despite a few wobbles and falls, she was determined to keep having a go. I even managed to get back from town in time today to wheel the bike to pre-school so she could cycle home. She was so thrilled to be able to show it off to her teachers, both of whom showed just the right amount of excitement about it.

She was able to do a few seconds unaided before she lost her balance and I was a little disappointed that she was unable to do more, as she's brilliant on the balance bike. She even asked later on today if she could have stabilisers put on it and reminded us that Peppa Pig had had stabilisers on her bike initially as well.

OH took them to the shops after supper to buy her a helmet and knee pads and at her request a bell. Back she came with the Disney princess helmet and the Barbie accessories bag of kit! Our 2 y/o daughter came back with a helmet too. Hers is orange and features Bob the Builder, ever the tom boy!

It was quite late but the OH had promised them a last ride in the close so off they went whilst I finished a blog for Minerva's Mind. I was just about to start the dinner when OH came running in and suggested I came out to take a look. I was amazed. It was like the transformation from the ugly duckling to the swan - our 4 y/o could ride up the hill and then having turned the bike round with the help of her feet, ride all the way down.

It happened just like that! I was so proud of her and she was pretty pleased too. There were grins and hugs all round. On reflection, I was thinking about why it had happened. Had the investment in the balance bike paid off? It's fantastic to think we do not have to go through the pain of stabilisers. Was it self-belief and determination? Did the patient, calm manner of my OH, who would make an amazing teacher have something to do with it? Whatever the reasons, it represents a major milestone, and in some ways was more rewarding than the success of my social media course on Monday. Perhaps because the sense of joy in her achievement was so tangible to us all that the overall impact was greater.

The Cream always rises to the top

2010-04-23T15:17:00.002+01:00

Recently I have been telling you about a new book called Awakened Wisdom: A Guide to reclaiming your brilliance by my friend and colleague Patrick Ryan. Well the book had its official Amazon launch this week, and within a few hours the book became a best seller in Canada and the US.

Most impressively, Awakened Wisdom took the number 1 slot in Canadian spirituality sales (click to see a screen shot) and the #3 slot in self-help, sharing the very same page on Amazon with top-selling spirituality titles such as Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. At one point, Patrick and Eckhart were dancing back and forth in the top five slots on the Canadian list, which is interesting because so many people have compared these two writers even before the book was released. In the US, it soared to the top of the Kindle spiritual self-help titles, reaching as high as number 2. We are waiting to see the paperback join it in these ranks.

Pretty impressive for a first day don't you think?

The Awakened Wisdom launch continues until close of play today and, in celebration of its official release, Patrick Ryan and a group of his colleagues, including authors, coaches, entrepreneurs, spiritual teachers, are giving away over 40 exceptional personal development and spiritual growth gifts when you buy a copy of the book during the launch.

One of these gifts is an unprecedented two session "Awakened Wisdom Virtual Experience" in which author Patrick Ryan will take participants on a journey through the "8 states of Awakened Life" via webcast in early May. This is a rare opportunity to learn from a world-reknown spiritual teacher and now best selling spiritual author. I, too, will be taking the opportunity to listen in.

I, myself, will be offering a 10 step guide to authentic leadership. In essence it shows you to be a leader and create real meaning in your life.

To pick up your copy of Awakened Wisdom, get all these free gifts and sign up for this truly amazing event, which is only open to those who purchase the book by close of play today, go to:

http://www.awakenedwisdom.com/Public/Amazon/BookLaunch/index.cfm

Thanks for your support in helping this rising new star in the spiritual author universe shine so brightly. I wish ALL of you reading this a future where YOU are shining more brightly

A vision in pink

2010-04-21T13:41:00.004+01:00

I have been a bit of a lurker reading some of the posts for Tara Cain's weekly Gallery which are all based around a photo that fits that week's theme. This week I was inspired by the theme and one of the posts by Laura that I read that I just had to submit an entry so here it is.

In February this year, my 3 y/o daughter started ballet. She had been asking me for over a term if she could do it. Initially I resisted because it just seemed so predictable that a 3 y/o girl would want to do ballet especially one like mine who was only interested in wearing skirts or dresses and pink. My husband, who is generally much more observant than me about the children, commented on what good rhythm she had for her age. Must take after him because he can dance whereas I have two left feet! So at that point I gave and said why not. She had a couple of taster lessons and absolutely loved it. After each one she was so excited. All she wanted to do was to ring everyone up from her good friends to her grandparents and tell them that she was doing ballet. It was obviously a hit so I went and invested in all the gear. Fifty quid later we came out of the local dance shop with leotard, voile skirt, tights, hairband and cardigan. Fortunately she already had a pair of shoes kindly donated by my cousin! Even better was the fact that Granmags had agreed to foot the bill. Let's here it for Granmags. The photo below is of Sienna all dressed for ballet on her third lesson, the first time she had the full outfit. She is so proud of what she looks like that she was less self-conscious than usual when I got the camera out to take a photo as she loved being a vision in pink. It is my interpretation of pride and I hope you enjoy this post.

Thankfulness

2010-04-16T18:15:00.007+01:00

Don't know about you but I have always had many positive connotations about the old Timotei ad where a beautiful, innocent young woman with long blonde hair is prancing around nymph-like in a waterfall. It's as if anything is possible when you are in touch with your whole self. I saw this photo and chose it because it reminded me of that original advert.

This is a short post in which I am giving thanks. I feel so much genuine gratitude for many of the people in my life at the moment that I thought this was the best way to express it.

Thanks goes to my cousin who gave me a real break earlier this week. We were down in Bosham staying with her and her family and as ever nothing was too much trouble. She was not even fazed when 2 y/o did a poo in the pool which leaked in part. Best of all for me was having lots of adult company, eating good food and drinking wine, and being encouraged to help minimally in the preparation. It was just what I needed.

Yesterday went well. I met up with two wonderful co-active coaches in London to finalise some of the venue stuff around our conference on 14 May. It could not have been easier. We now do not have to pay a charge for the pub where we have reserved drinks for post-conference drinks and it is so beautiful, covered in window boxes currently filled with daffodils. Lunch will be available for all overlooking St Katherine's Dock and if it is sunny like yesterday there will be nothing that can be beat it. What is wonderful is that we have a record number of people coming to the event including some big names in the coaching field all of which is wonderfu

Next and probably most importantly, it looks like I have solved my limited company headache. My business is not at the stage where it makes sense to go for limited company status and yet I was being press ganged into it by a client. Fortunately the lovely Will Farnell also an ex-PwC colleague, has offered to act as an umbrella company so that I can do the work they are offering me in May. Woo hoo!! In the journey to this point I received advice and support from many other twitter buddies- too many to mention but you know who you are and I am grateful to you.

If that were not enough riches, I am also blessed by some of the friends that I have. It is my eldest's 4th b'day next weekend and I was dreading it because neither sets of parents can come and we have around 16 kids coming!!! Anyway one of my friends who is coming with her two offered to help out in any way that we needed. She happens to be very creative so is making the Princess for pin the tiara on the Princess, and her lovely husband who adores kids is coming to help out with the mad house.

In other words life is good, I feel incredibly blessed and thankful to all those who have helped me achieved this state and I hope that I in turn can do the same for others through my work and presence. Have a great weekend and if you want to share any thoughts on the topic please do so as I love to hear from you.

What really happens behind the camera

2010-04-13T20:23:00.004+01:00

On Sunday I was called a media tart by the producer of the Politics Show Eastern region. It was fair game really because not only was I asked to do a question on the regional show; I was then asked to grill Vince Cable live on the national show about the Lib Dems economic policies; and did a short slot for the region on my views at this stage of the election campaign with the camera rolling in the beautiful sunshine. Three bites at the cherry in one day!

So why I am mentioning all this. Not to give myself any further plugs - I have yet to watch how I came across on the show and my cousin has threatened to play it this evening on iplayer whilst we have our dinner - but because the experience itself was so different to what I had expected. I say that having already recorded 4 sessions for the regional People's panel. I thought you would be interested to hear my thoughts.

What was really wierd was being called by MiL on Sunday night when I was shattered because I had come down off the adrenalin rush which had kept me going between 7am and lunchtime at that stage. Her view was that I came across as very serene not a word that I or others that know me would probably ever have associated with me in the past. So that certainly gave me plenty to think about.

What really struck me was the amount of time the professionals actually spend practising before it goes live. The presenter for the region went over her opening sequence four time putting more and more feeling and emotion into each time before they recorded it for the show. It all had a much more artificial air because unlike previous occasions where the panel has sat around a table in a hotel room having a lively debate about issues. This time we were in a cavernous barn which was freezing despite the sunshine outside, sat in two rows facing the three politicians, a couple of whom had come up beforehand to schmooz there way into our affections! There was also a piece of white tape on the floor to indicate where the presenter needed to stand when introducing us to the viewers.

It all continued in a similar vein so when the presenter picked on me to comment on the responses to the second question about how voters could trust politicians, which I had also had as one of my questions, I was thrown. The politicians' ability to spin had been so convincing it was hard to come up with my objections. I managed it after an initial fumbling over my words. Then the frustrating point was that although they squeezed my question in about climate change and the need to come up with creative ways of addressing the fact that we are running out of fossil fuels and water, there was no time to come back to the Panel once the politicians had responded. Two of them just agreed with my concerns but did not actually answer the question. It was pure flannel and none of us had the chance to comment.

What surprised me even more was how good I thought the Labour candidate (Dr Starkey) was because she actually answered every question and said what Labour's policies were on each issues. Even one of my facebook friends made the same point after she watched it on TV. What I also liked about her was her conviction that we need to move to a proportional representation system and the reasons why we had not in this current parliament. My concern is that many of Gordon Brown's responses to the Economic Crisis have been either too little too late or completely the wrong thing to do so overall the country needs a new direction. It is all so difficult. Do you vote for the credible individual whom you know would be a good constituency MP or the Party.

In reflection it makes me realise that it is all about how a person makes you feel. I sensed Dr Starkey's commitment and passion for what she does whereas I felt in different ways the other two were playing a game, saying whatever they needed to say in order to get elected. As for the broader issue, it made me realise how much the professionals practise so that when the camera is rolling they are in role, whereas us members of the Public who have agreed to step forward or just thrust into the limelight and expected to deliver anyway. Is it any wonder therefore that Politics today is so full of spin. Instinctively we decide whether someone is trustworthy within a blink of an eye which means that first impressions do matter and so in this media-savvy world those who have to go in front of the camera are polished because they have spent hours getting just the right tone! So what do you think? Do leave me a comment.

Mum as agent of intervention

2010-04-12T09:33:00.003+01:00

The Myth of being self-employed

2010-04-10T19:23:00.005+01:00

Patrick Ryan of Awakened Wisdom: A Guide to Reclaiming your Brilliance is sharing his insights with us today! This is the sixth stop on Patrick's 14 day blog tour to promote the launch of his new book. After reading today's article be sure to sign up for the book launch reminder here: http://ow.ly/1kB3m and then follow Patrick to his next stop at Charly Leetham's blog at: http://askcharlyleetham.com/blog/

Yes just imagine the freedom, the independence of being your own boss, get the credit, the reward and the fun of it all as well. I call all of that the myth of being self-employed. I have been self-employed practically my entire working life. I have created a variety of small businesses some of which went on to do very well, others not so.

I love being self-employed and I love myths. Myths are created from a mixture of dreams, reality, illusion and hope. Sometimes they teach us lessons and sometimes they inspire us. I hope that the myth of being self-employed inspires you and at the same time myths are created around the same version of the ordinary human facing great odds, passing through a series of tests, and in some myths coming out the other side of it with a great treasure of some kind.

The challenges that we self-employed meet present opportunities to develop our Selves, to meet our Selves. We do not really meet our Selves in the easy times. Don't misunderstand me, I like easy times. It is just that it has been in the challenges that I have had to really show up and discover what I have got. It is through the challenges that we become wise and strong and develop more of the amazing resourcefulness that we are. In Awakened wisdom I describe the Eight states of an Awakened Life. One of them is a good state of Being.

One of the big lessons I have learnt over the years is that it is wise for us to look into the nature of our relationships. When you are self-employed, your business becomes an externalisation of your state of Being.

In a good state of Being, we are asked to examine the nature and the quality of all our relationships in life. That starts with the relationship to our Self, our partners, our business and also our relationship with prosperity. Self-employed people have created a very direct opportunity to affect their prosperity.

As a coach, I have worked with many women who are self-employed. I must say that I hate to make generalised statements based on gender and yet at the same time there is some wisdom available to us if we are willing to look into it and of course we have to take it all with a pinch of salt. There are always exceptions. Here is one thing that I have noticed about many women who are self-employed.

Women by your very nature are givers and tend to give to relationships. Often giving more than receiving and often giving too much or not valuing what you are giving in a fair way.

Many women I have coached over the years really struggle with putting a fair value on their services. I would like to propose that if you are a woman who is self-employed that you revisit what you are charging for what you provide. Are you really satisfied with the rates that you are getting? Do they reflect your true value? Are you honouring yourself through them?

As self-employed people, it is important that we work towards yes' on all those questions. Of course you have to consider the market and what your clients can afford and at the same time remember to consider your Self.

I have known many women that have created amazing businesses and lives for themselves and their families. The myth of being self-employed is worth going for and I wrote Awakened Wisdom as a Guide that I know will support you on your journey of turning that myth into your reality.

Journey happily,

Patrick Ryan

www.AwakenedWisdom.com

How can you create a life well lived? Get Patrick's new book on 20 April and find out. To receive updates in regard to the official Amazon book launch, please visit http://ow.ly/1kB3m

Follow Patrick to his next stop at Charly Leetham's blog:

http://askcharlyleetham.com/blog/

Mums' Manifesto: does it exist?

2010-04-07T20:46:00.009+01:00

Toli means a juicy piece of news/ the talk of the town and this cloud comes to you courtesy of Koranteng Ofosu-Amaah. He is Ghanaian so some of the references given are not particularly English but they give a richness of their own and they are one person's take on what politics is all about.

I am gripped by the election fever in more ways than one. As a founder member of Judith's room, all of which happened by chance, I now have made connections with many cybermums and the odd dad online via twitter. How I love social media. As some of you also know I write for a couple of magazines from the Mum perspective; and when I started planning out my series of articles, I asked Mums via Judith's room what they would like to hear about. One of the topics which featured was the media portrayal of Mums in relation to politics as many were incensed by how they had been portrayed by our media. If we believe the pundits, one of the groups of voters to focus on are cybermums and there has been endless discussions about how Mums' views on the the Mumsnet discussion with esteemed politicians, were trivialised by the media. Add to this Libby Purves recent comments in the Sunday Times which suggested that cybermums represent at most 1 million of the 8 million Mums and therefore in her view do not count, there is quite a range of opinions flying around. The last point to make before I comment is that I have been the Mum representative on the Politics Show as part of the People's Panel since November, which has involved commenting on policies, parties and so on as we get closer to the election.

Let's start by saying that as an older Mum, apparently I do not come into the relevant age category (25-34) so does that mean my views do not count? If I think about this logically they probably do not. Why? Well they could put up Emu as the Tory candidate in our constituency, and the Conservatives would still win. It is an incredibly safe seat because we are in a rural area with lots of arable land. If we put the election in perspective then there are only a few areas where it is worth getting into a lather about it all and that is the marginal seats. It is in these places that the election will be fought and won. Finally sitting here, there is all to play for because neither of the two main parties has come out with a decent set of policies yet, rather most of the air time has been spent on slagging each other off. What we all need to do whether we are Mums or not is to pay less attention to our egos and get out there and start asking difficult questions and demand answers because it is our democratic right. If we do that then we may end up with a government which is more accountable to its people.

I have to come up with two questions to put to MPs on Sunday so if you have any burning issues you want me to ask then leave a comment below or tweet me on @wholeself. Thanks.

Reflections on Easter

2010-04-05T15:07:00.007+01:00

On Easter Sunday, the sun was shining down in Bath and it really felt as if Spring had sprung. The Easter bunny had been and the girls enjoyed an Easter egg hunt around my parents' garden finding a range of little goodies, most of which were not chocolate, for which I was grateful. In fact the two treasures that caught my eye were the Cath Kidson flannels - I have come a long way, as not that long ago I would not have known who CK was - and these cute furry chicks that utter tweep tweep if you hold them in your hand in a certain way. All this activity and the weather led me to thinking what Easter was really about.

From my eldest's perspective - she is almost four - it was all a good excuse to gorge oneself on chocolate for four days solid. It reminded me that Karen and I had just had a conversation the previous day about how one explains Easter to children. When S was proclaiming her view of chocolate and how she was planning to start in on her eggs on Friday, I explained that we did not eat chocolate on Friday because it was the day Jesus died but that people then saw him on Sunday and were so happy that they eat chocolate and other treats. The response was why did Jesus die and I am afraid I did not feel I could go into all that. On Good Friday my eldest then went around the house explaining to anyone who would listen that baby Jesus had died today.

So what is it about. I am delighted that Easter celebrations pre-date Christianity. In fact they are linked to the timing of the Spring Equinox which is why Easter is a moveable feast. The festival is named after Ostara (also known as Eostre), the Teutonic Goddess of Fertility and Springtime. She was seen as the bearer of increased sunlight and responsible for ensuring a good harvest. The giving of Easter eggs is linked to the rituals relating to Ostara to whom gifts of eggs were given.

What is also fascinating is that eggs are the pagan symbol of rebirth. Why because this symbolism fits in so neatly with my own rhythms at this time. On my reflections over the past few days, where I have enjoyed many lovely family meals prepared by different sets of grandparents, I realise this time to relax and switch off was just what I needed. I feel refreshed and invigorated and ready for the challenges and opportunities that await me and those close to me over the next few months. I really hope that Easter has provided you with time to reflect and recharge your batteries and would love to hear about any perspectives that you have had and wish to share this holiday.

Beware the ides of March

2010-04-01T18:58:00.007+01:00

I recall when I announced to some colleagues that I was setting up my own business that one of them said how hard it was to go solo. Back then the comment barely registered. Now some time into it, I really do understand what they were trying to say.

Reflecting back on March, it was a very tough month. In many ways it should not have been. I was busier than I had ever been since starting my own business and yet....

There was a moment when I felt that what I had set out to do with Whole Self Leadership had failed. I became paralysed by fear which made the feeling of stuckness even more real. I was incapable of making even basic decisions or running the house well. All this was because two initiatives that I had put together with others did not get off the ground. Insufficient people wanted what we were offering. That's rejection and it's painful however many times it happens.

What I now realise thanks to a very helpful chat with Qdosology is that the act of destruction or death is all part of the process on the journey of transition. In other words for me to find my true path for now, I need to let go of that which is not serving me. I particularly liked his way of explaining it using the caterpillar's life cycle. I am currently in the chrysalis stage and trying to punch my way out so that I can be a beautiful butterfly. I have never been very good at waiting.

It also helps me to accept that whilst I am a Mum that is not the whole of my identity. In other words whilst I would have liked to have had a blog that was nominated for the MADs, I was not surprised or disappointed when it was not.

So what's next? Karen and I had a very useful discussion on where to take Minerva's Mind so watch this space and I have made a decision to find 5 minutes each day to meditate probably using incense or an oil burner to help focus the mind. Putting this out here means there is now some accountability to doing it so I can report back on what I learnt.

This post has been written as part of the writing workshop over at Sleep is for the Weak and is on sharing how I am dealing with a deep felt sense of rejection.

10 things that make me happy

2010-03-31T13:43:00.007+01:00

Over a week ago, I was tagged by the effervescent Nickie with the Happy 101 Award and now in a better frame of mind I am ready to write this. So here are ten things that make me happy:

The love of my daughters

Recently I have been away a great deal delivering coaching and mentoring skills in a cross-cultural context. Whenever I come home, the welcoming committee is always there often making noises and trying to get the door open. Most recently my youngest was giving me a big cuddle on my return and quite unprompted she said I missed you Mummy. My heart melted. It is wonderful to receive such unquestioning, almost unconditional love.

A good book

I love to get lost in a really good read which is probably why I am currently in two book groups and always struggling to keep up with both groups. In particular I am a fan of great writing and by that I am like Lynne Truss in that I love good use of grammar and punctuation. This is as important to me as an interesting plot.

Wine

I have always enjoyed a glass of wine at the end of the day. One of the best presents we ever received as a couple was membership of the Wine Society. It is fantastic that it is owned by the members and it always delivers good quality and value. Definitely prefer red, port and dessert wines to white wine though.

Colour

When I worked in the corporate world, I would always team up dull coloured suits with a dash of colour from the Spring palette be it a scarf or a shirt as I am convinced it brightens everyone's day. Orange is my signature colour and that's great because it stands for positivity.

Food

Typical of Taureans the way to woo me is through culinary skills in the kitchen. Just as well my husband is also a Taurean. We both love to cook and experiment with food.

Being pampered

There's not much that beats a good facial, pedicure or manicure. Given the chance I would make pampering or going to a Spa a monthly outing. It is so energising to have a period of peace and quiet with no children clamouring for attention.

Travelling

I love finding out about new cultures, visiting different places and expanding my horizon. Something that with two small children I dream about now and yet its time will come again.

Yoga

It is a wonderful way to take me out of my mind by focusing on the postures. I often find it gives me a real sense of release and a burst of creativity. Need to do it more often.

Sunshine

Fortunately I do not suffer from S.A.D but I do love it when the sun comes out. Everything seems easier and it reminds me of that kids' song about the sun has got its hat on and has come out to play. Let's hear for the sun.

Connections

My dear friend Callie was one of the first to read this post, do get to know her as she exudes love and light so naturally, and pointed out that I had only 9 things not 10 that make me happy. I had probably missed out the most important thing to me. I believe that we are here to be in relationship with one another. I have always been a pantheist which means that I believe that the spiritual lies within each of us and it is about making a connection at that level. That's why I love what I do coaching because it is all about building rapport and respecting the humanity in each and every person. It is what makes me alive which is why I am such a social media addict.

It's good to reflect on these things and I will certainly revisit this post when life is not so sunny as a reminder of my blessings. That's it from me apart from to tag someone. Initially I chickened out because no one asked to be tagged but I am choosing some people. I nominate:

ownselfbetrue because she is fab and her personal blog is new and is worth a visit

jesschivers because she is an advocate of positive psychology and will have an interesting take

emmakaufmann because she is a published writer who writes from the heart

colourfulcoach because she understands the importance of colour so really gets that point

somethingwonderfuldesign because she has such wonderful style and flair and is local to me

and you if you want to take the challenge. Just send me a tweet or leave me a comment if you are going to continue this meme.

re: something worth celebrating

2010-03-30T20:35:00.010+01:00

What a difference 24 hours can make! Yesterday I had a day when I spent many hours struggling with fear. It was black and oppressive and made me feel very unproductive and a whole load of other things which were unhelpful. Feeling stuck is not a great place to be.

Today has been so totally different. It ended with dancing round the living room with my two girls and OH although the 2 y/o's idea of dancing is jumping! It has all happened in such a short space of time.

So what was different about today? There were struggles but they were not overwhelming. One of my challenges is to get my blog to be recognised on networked blogs which requires a set number of people to verify me as an author. Never have been a fan of sending people lots of emails requesting that kind of info so just put it out there on twitter and on my FB profile and within a short period of time two of my twitter buddies had become FB friends just to help me out and this evening I have had other FB friends offer to help out. It just goes to show that if you ask you receive.

On top of that the level of interest in my social media course has been really high. There are still one or two places however we have the number that I wanted to run it already and that has come about with the minimum of marketing. All done through email and a couple of meetings to sell the idea. I cannot quite believe how easy it has been. If that was not enough I have been approached to speak about social media for another group and I had been wondering how to get more speaking events. For the first time in my life it feels as if there may well be something in the Law of Attraction.

Finally I have been noticing how much Minerva's Mind has been taking off over the last few days. It has been great to see the growth in interest in our facebook community. It really seems to be appealing to women with their own businesses. Karen, my business partner, and I had a brief conversation too today and we both have loads of ideas about how to grow it even further and are getting together on Thursday to create the strategy over the next six months. It really seems to be coming together and I have to say that I am grateful to the Universe for the part it has played in all this.

I would love to hear from you. So tell me what's happening in your life right now?

Mumpreneurs' Monday: is it worth it?

2010-03-29T20:50:00.012+01:00

I was drawn to this picture because climbing mountains can be a tough, sweaty making business. Before having children one of my favourite leisure activities was mountain walking and at times climbing with my hubbie. The most memorable time was the three weeks that we spent in Patagonia after the OH returned home safely from Iraq but that's a story for another post. Also through a twitter buddy, I discovered a new blog today called MountainsMovingMindset and all these factors led to this post.

Running your own business can be difficult, lonely, frustrating and exhausting. There can be periods where nothing seems to be moving forward where you feel like throwing in the towel. At these times, being a Mumpreneur ressembles the middle phases of a climb in that it requires all your reserves just to keep going. The key is having a clear vision of where you are going in other words a business plan and a strategy of how to get there.

Here the analogy with mountain walking also fits. People climb for many reasons: some want to bag munroes; and for many it is the view from the top that makes it all worth it. So next time you feel stuck, recall all your achievements until that point and remember Celeste Holm's quotation We live by encouragement and die without it - slowly, sadly, angrily. It is important to surround ourselves by those that believe in our vision and can give us the support we need at the low points.

I leave you with the picture below as inspiration. The view from the top, a source of inspiration when we face challenges. I would love to hear from you about what you do when the going gets tough.

re: my secret desires for my children

2010-03-25T18:59:00.004Z

Inspired by Josie's writing prompts and rather last minute due to the fact that I spent much of this week away training, here comes my thoughts on what I hope for my daughters.

What I want for them is something that has taken me many years to acquire and can suffer from a wobble from time to time even now at 40. It is quite simply to believe that they can do anything. I really want them to have the confidence to take on the world on their own terms.

I still have memories of my father spending hours with me as a youngster trying to teach me to dive. I was so fearful that even his patience ran out and he got irritated. Another early memory is of my mum being exasperated with me because instead of waiting for an adult to help me prepare the stamps for my budding stamp collection, I decide to remove them from the paper myself with dire results! Years later I remember how many hours I spent studying history books trying to get at the truth of a particular set of incidents. I would then carefully reproduce that which I thought was closest to the truth. That way I got A grades whereas when I put more of myself into an assignment I would only get a B. For all these reasons and more I grew up with a burning need to get it right and I lived by so many rules.

Now I am on a quest to be my whole self and to get an ever clearer sense of how living in harmony with my authentic voice can work in a materialistic world. So that's why I say my dream is for my girls to be free to be themselves and to retain some of that initial innocence and magic that makes them so special as little people.

That said there are other things I wish for them. One in particular is that they are fluent in at least one other language. I took European Studies at University which you could refer to as a liberal arts degree if you were that way inclined but it did include French, Spanish and Portuguese and a year in Spain. Apart from my early career, I have never really used my languages and I would like it to be different for the girls as being able to communicate in other languages makes the cultures of those countries much more accessible. It also allows one to establish a much deeper connnection and sense of rapport. So I am now inordinately pleased that they know all the colours in Spanish and the numbers 1-10 and yet I need to commit to using Spanish with them, a little bit each day because having a knowledge of another language between the ages of 3 and 5 develops a part of the brain that never gets developed at another time. Also little and often is a much more successful strategy than full on for a long period of time. Thankfully we are now past the period when they used to both shout Stop that noise!

re: what to do when the creative juices are not flowing

2010-03-23T12:24:00.004Z

How often do you find yourself going round in circles on an issue particularly if you run your own business? It feels like a vicious circle. You cannot seem to get any clarity? Any suggestions that you have or others make do not seem viable for one reason and another? If this is happening then you are being overwhelmed by fears or other negative emotions and it's as if no course of action is the right one. It is very likely that you are at cause, stuck in an issue. In other words I cannot do that because....

What a good coach or mentor can do is help you move to effect where you can see what the effect of a particular action could be. One of the ways of doing this is to ask "What will you feel if you don't carry out this plan/ idea?" If the disappointment is greater than the fear then it will act as a motivator to help move you on. Another way is to focus on how you will feel when you have accomplished that goal and if that feels really compelling and exciting then it can be enough to stimulate you into action.

So if you feel stuck try these ideas through self coaching and perhaps write down your answers to each of the questions. Do let me know how you get on.

How a friendship shaped my life

2010-03-18T10:04:00.008Z

At the eleventh hour, I am writing and submitting this post to Josie's writing workshop because I like the discipline of writing on a specific theme and also I feel that due to the amount of work I am doing at the moment, my blog has been neglected of late so here goes.

There is a person that I think of from time to time, less often now that it is over 20 years ago but what happened had a major impact on me at the time. This is our story so to speak.

When I was 19 I spent a year living in London. Every girl's dream perhaps, and it would have been if I had had the money to indulge my passions in particular the theatre. For one reason and another I ended up living in Maria Assumpta, a hostel run by nuns! The fabulous bit was that it was tucked away in a square just behind Kensington! All those shops which I could not afford.

The amazing thing about that year was that I met a very eclectic group of people, many of whom were also residents of the hostel and I want to tell you about one of them. She was a very special person called Yolanda. Her parents were part of the Windrush era and I recall that her Mum was the cook for the Nuns. Yolanda had a real love of life and I can remember a reunion shortly after that time when we met up in a restaurant and we were having such a laugh that the waiter came over to say that some of the other diners had complained and could we keep the noise down! She also had a real gift and that was her voice, which was a delight to hear. She was training to be an opera singer at the Royal College of Music.

At the end of the year, I went off to University and we kept in touch by meeting up occasionally and writing. In my third year at University I went off to Spain and that's when stuff began to unravel. I recall getting a letter from her about a new Church that she was attending. She had always been a committed Christian so I thought nothing of it. When I came over for a visit I went with her to the Church. I did think it was quite odd that when we went for a coffee afterwards, she was chaperoned by 1 or 2 members of the Church. That was the last time I saw her.

When there was no answer to my letters, I contacted her family but they had not heard from her either in some time. I then read up about the Church and found out that it was a cult which was known for brainwashing people into becoming members by encouraging them to stay in the Church's accommodation and subjecting them to sleep deprivation. The members then withdrew from real life and took up activities to promote the Church on a full-time basis. When we met that last time, I had no idea of any this. I just assumed it was an Evangelical church. Some stuff seemed a little unusual but I never probed further in part because I was aware that the members of the Church were listening and evaluating everything I said.

In reflection I regret now that I did not do more at the time but my friend had always seemed so stable. What happens fills me with sadness not the loss of the friendship so much, really the waste of her gift to the world. I hope and pray that one day she woke up to what was happening and got out but it is unlikely that I will ever find out. It also makes me realise that the bond of friendship amongst young people is often much stronger than those formed later on in life. It may in part be the reason that I have always had an affinity for BME issues and why I currently do a lot of work around under-representation and have supported Diversity for such a long time. It certainly goes a long way to explaining my suspicion of fundamentalist views particularly religious ones. So how about you do you have any similar examples that you would like to share?

How does she do it?

2010-03-17T18:40:00.006Z

I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the cosmos at the moment but as I am not an astrologist so I cannot be sure. It just seems that many people I know are having very busy times that can at times be extraordinarily stressful. Below is an account of my day today because it highlights what those of us who are Mums and running businesses go through a lot.

I am launching a new course next month and have done a great deal of prep for it. My initial email had not had much response so I ended up going to a networking event this morning as I knew I would meet some of the people who had signalled initial interest there. This sounds easier than it was. Last week I had to call in a favour with a good friend and ask her to look after my 2 y/o as despite the event being aimed at Mums, there is no creche. I did not feel too bad as we usually see said friend and her 2 y/o on Wednesdays at the same playgroup. What it involved was getting to the venue 40 minutes early to deposit my youngest before heading off to the meeting.

However that was not all. Part of the reason I had not gone to bed until 23.30 last night was because I had to wrap a pressie and write a card for the daughter of a dear friend (we went to school together) because she was three today. It is the 3 y/o's ballet class on Wednesday and so I had to call in an even bigger favour and ask one of my local friends if she would pick up the 3 y/o from pre-school, feed her lunch, let her play w/ her daughter then take her to and from ballet. She often takes the 3 y/o to ballet but would now be responsible for her for 4.5 hours. Despite feeling uncomfortable about this, I did ask and she did say yes last week. Just needed to remember to pack her ballet stuff for pre-school and take her car seat with us too!!

That done the 2 y/o and I headed into town. This involved finding a new car park where I was going to meet my friend, so a quick look on the internet was needed before we headed out. Deposited 2 y/o then a mad dash to the networking meeting stopping briefly to apply lippy in the car mirror. As soon as the meeting had finished and I had caught up with a couple of people, it was a mad rush back to the playgroup where I sang a couple of songs with my 2 y/o, touched base with friend then a quick march homewards for lunch. Just needed to check that all was ok with friend who was picking up 3 y/o because she had not been at pre-school or answered her phone that morning so popped into her house. Ended up going through a convoluted explanation with her husband as that friend was out and then hurried home to feed 2 y/o.

After a quick sandwich we headed off to Buckingham about an hour away. We had to stop en route to fill the car with diesel as it was virtually empty! We arrived at the softplay area in plenty of time and so I was able to fit in 3 business calls including one about a possible venue for my 3 y/o's birthday which is next month. Importantly I got the last space in the car park. We stayed for an hour and a half. There was more food including chips and other starchy stodge for the mummys. We managed to see the cutting of the cake before we left. Despite a good run home we still got back after my friend so there was a message on the home phone saying that she had my 3 y/o at her house. That did make me feel guilty so we scooted over as fast as we could to collect the 3 y/o.

Since then I have been at home with two very tired children doing the bedtime ritual including supper and party cake. Not a great combination with a rather stressed, over-caffeinated Mum to boot. Is it all worth it I wonder? What do you think?

What does a foetus have in common with wholeness?

2010-03-13T13:37:00.006Z

I had the most amazing experience last night and I wanted to share some of it with you. I understood for perhaps the first time what detachment was because I felt it rather than intellectualised it. I inhabited a space where there were no labels. It was so powerful because it was like going back to source or one's essence. When I reflected on it afterwards the picture that came to me was that of a foetus. To have such a strong taste of being was very energising for my soul and it felt very natural to relax into the state. This was all possible thanks to Lynn Serafinn a wise woman and good person to have on your side. It certainly deepened my understanding of self and added insight into my journey to wholeness.

The personal and the professional: are they one and the same or not?

2010-03-10T09:29:00.007Z

This will probably be a vshort post as I feel the urge to write, and I have what feels like a million and one things to do. So here are my thoughts in a nutshell.

Do you remember in the 70s a phrase that became very popular was the personal is political. It came to me the other day as I was mulling over something that's been on my mind for a long time and that is to what extent should we mix the personal and the professional? Some of the bloggers that I enjoy the most have two blogs: a personal one and a professional one. I admire them for the commitment they have to keeping two current with regular new material. I also wonder how that works with the idea that people buy from people that they know, like and trust.

Is it better to define a blog by the audience that one is intending to reach? Most people like to be able to categorise people and things. What we don't like as a rule is ambiguity, the inability to classify blogs, people etc. The problem with that is that we are all complex individuals with many different thoughts and often contradictory ideas. The more we are able to live in a technicolour world, the richer are experience will be. This is why for me the phrase that people are doing the best they can with the resources that they have available resonates so much.

So what do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Are you a leader or a follower?

2010-03-07T14:44:00.004Z

This post is inspired by a conversation that I had with two men in my life right now. For those of you who are wondering, no they have not supplanted Andy in my affections; the connection with Michael and Steven is an energetic one and is very exciting because it works on a mind, spirit, emotional and gut level. So much so that my coffee machine blew up when they came over for lunch yesterday! In fact the make of coffee machines is known for going wrong so it is probably unrelated. The three of us spent part of the afternoon discussing our book and what we were going to write about next and I received so many insights on some of the stuff that I am working through right now that I had to share them with you. What it boils down to is this.

We all have a desire to belong, to feel part of a community. To some extent this comes from the parenting we receive which some describe as socialising little people so that they "fit" within society. If you are a parent just think about how much time you spend/ have spent prompting your kids about good manners and saying their ps and qs so to speak. Is it any wonder therefore that when we grow up we start looking for our tribe so that we can say we have found our place? If that motivation is what drives us then we can run into problems. Why? Remember back to when you were a child and you had a secret club with your best friend or a sibling. It might have included your own language and special signs. Whatever was involved, there was bound to be some rites and rituals. When we join groups as an adult, they each have their own rules and these are often unspoken and they are what help to give the group its identity. The problem is that if you then go and challenge them in any way, you too become a threat to the group and its raison d'etre so there is likely to be a strong reaction to you as a way of protecting the group's identity.

In part leading is about challenging the status quo. It is definitely about putting our stake in the ground, saying what we believe in and standing by that even when the response we receive is either hostile or indifferent. Over time, if we are doing that from a place of authenticity then our group of supporters will group but this is not an overnight process and the journey to that place can be hard and lonely. Seth Godin writes that when we lead if we do not feel an edge of discomfort then we are not actually leading.

If this is true then it is not surprising that so few people are prepared to take a stand and be a leader. And yet I believe that each and every one of us has a unique voice that needs to be heard to make this world a better place for us all. It is the role of some to help others find their voice because I believe leadership is like a dance in which we come together and each of us leads the others in one section. To find out more about accessing your authentic voice, check out http://authenticselfleadership.wordpress.com

Fulfilment is a radical act

2010-02-26T11:42:00.003Z

Wow what a week it has been. I have been out every night this week and that will continue tonight and tomorrow night. Then on Sunday we are at friends for Sunday lunch before going on holiday for a week and a much needed rest! I thrive on being busy and the week has been so varied, more anon but there is a down side: OH gets grumpy because he has to adapt his work plans and fend for himself and sometimes the girls too at dinner time. It reminds me of one of those little personality tests one does where one ranks animals and it tells you which of five things are most important to you: they include career, love and family. I remember when I did it many years ago family was the least important and career was the most important!

All that has changed now of course but there is a cost to all this activity. On the more trivial side it has been two weeks since I last saw sight of the two year old's doodles. The shoe rack has been tidied and the utility room searched to no avail. It irritates me but I try to let go of it as there is very little more I can do and they must be somewhere in the house so why waste energy fretting about it. Similarly we have just noticed that Erin's favourite CD is not where it should be above the CD player on the shelf and she keeps asking for it. We have checked the car and as it has not been played for a couple of months I have no idea where it is and again it is minor. Underlying these kind of minor irritations, is something that is potentially much larger. I have noticed that the more that I go out to work, the more the running of the house grinds to a halt.

However this observation leads me to reflect on the words of a very powerful motivational speaker whom I was privileged to hear earlier this week and that was the Investigator. In essence having a vision and following it, whilst it can be empowering and lead to great things like seeing the first black man in the White House; it comes at a price. In the case of Obama, there was a photo of him sprawled across a chair with his feet on the table. The soles of his shoes were visible and had virtually worn through from all the walking he did on the campaign trail. Quite different from the videos of his inaugural speech where he was saying yes we can.

In short, many people never get to the stage where they have articulated a compelling future and therefore can be envious of those that have. Yet even when we have a clear sense of the direction of travel and our purpose here on earth, fulfilling it comes at a price. I am now beginning to understand what Jesus meant when he told his disciples that he had no family and that they were his family. He knew what he had to do and there was no space for family ties and loyalty within that. It is also becoming clear to me why I kept reading references to the CTI quotation fulfilment is a radical act. I had to grasp it, absorb it and write about it.

Can we take thrift too far?

2010-02-24T13:50:00.003Z

Inspired by Josie's writing workshop prompts this week, I decided to write about my personal motto. Now I am cheating a little in that this is a family motto that I grew up with but there are some funny stories attached to it; and it fits with a theme on the blog at the moment which is around being stewards of the earth by conserving energy in all sorts of ways. It also, as with most of my posts, tells you more about me and my values.

The family motto is It's a pity to waste it with a gannet as a logo. As you probably know the gannet's ability to eat huge quantities of fish has led to gannet becoming a slight used to describe someone who eats excessively. I guess that is something that one could be accused of, if one adhered to the motto strictly. Interestingly in some middle Eastern cultures if you finish everything on your plate then you are considered to be hungry still and your plate is refilled.

I still remember a holiday that we took in the Brecon Beacons when I was a teen. We stayed in this lovely little cottage and went pony trekking every day. It was lovely but what I remember most were the size of the portions at each meal. We had very generous hosts and as well as breakfast (which was a full Welsh breakfast with cereal and half a grapefruit and toast) and dinner which was always three courses with several side orders of veg with the main, they always packed a substantial lunch. The first night we tucked in and in true Griffiths style made sure that we ate everything on our plate and what was on the table. Our hostess came out and saw all our clean plates and went out and refilled all the plates and dishes. It was quite a funny sight and after that we ate only what we needed as we knew we could never match their hospitality.

More recently, my husband has become aware of this family saying as it invariably comes up at meal times when the Griffiths clan are gathered and he really finds it irritating. It probably does not help that one year for Easter or some other occasion, my Mother presented him with a plate on which she had written the saying round the edge and drawn a gannet in the middle! Needless to say it has been buried at the back of some cupboard! And who can blame him as he has been on the receiving end of my fixation with the motto. I will share one such example with you now.

We had not been dating long and OH came up to Liverpool to visit me. I pulled out all the stops putting together what I thought was a delish meal, possibly a little '70s for the '90s: truites aux amandes with boiled potatoes (one of his least fav vegetables) and broccoli. The piece de resistance was serving it with a chilled Chablis which I had been saving for just such an occasion. Unfortunately when I opened it, it was quite clearly corked so we had to resort to a bottle of Chilean Sauvignon Blanc which was not quite the same. As you may have guessed I do not like waste and the very next weekend, OH was back for some more fun. I prepared him a delicious meal which included aduki beans in white wine and yes you have guessed it, I used the corked wine. I figured that no one would be able to tell and at least it was not going to waste. Unfortunately OH remembered that I had been low on wine and guessed what had gone into the sauce when he was halfway through his meal. All I can say is that I must have had other charms because he stayed the course in spite of my hatred of waste in any form. Well we all have our little foibles, don't we? It does mean that I am quite inventive when it comes to thinking of what to do with the left overs. Anyway I would love to hear about some of your foibles and your views on thrift so do leave a comment.

Transition Towns: the way of the future?

2010-02-22T21:56:00.005Z

So here's what I am thinking about at the moment. Just back from a meeting to set up a Transition Initiative in Hitchin. For those who have no clue what I am talking about the Transition Town Initiative's purpose is to encourage sustainable communities and provide advice on how to achieve them.

On the one hand I am very excited because the movement has grown from Kinsale, Ireland to more than 160 initiatives across the world. When one looks at what has been achieved already - the spotlight on Totnes , the first UK transition town, thanks to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall who was so inspired by the local food hub that he set up Landshare to connect landowners and growers nationally. More recently Lewes got involved and introduced the Lewes pound as a way of strengthening the local economy whilst preventing money leaking out.

All inspiring stuff and I have said to the main organiser in Hitchin that I am happy to get on board as part of the steering committee providing they have a specific initial project in mind like producing a local directory of local produce. I wait to see what happens.

So the focus is on creating a local community we would all like to be part of that becomes less resilient on oil and fossil fuels because the world's supply is diminishing. What this means is finding ways to share what we have whether that is car sharing schemes; giving neighbours without gardens a space in our garden if it is large enough so that they can grow their own fruit and veg; clubbing together with neighbours to get a solar panel for each roof and thereby cut the costs because companies are often based a fair distance (read several counties away) from consumers.

This is where I have a question. To what extent are people prepared to share their resources? How much do people want to create community? How far are people prepared to go to make a difference? How bad does it have to get before there is an attitudinal change, a willingness to get involved? There has already been lots of debate about whether climate change is real. All this confusion means it is easy to ignore these cries for change by focusing on more immediate concerns.

This sounds depressing and before we decide to give up, it is worth remembering the daffodil principle. One woman had a vision which was to cover fields with daffodils as far as the eye could see. After a number of years and having planted one bulb at time, her dream was realised. We can make a difference, one person at a time. So what can each of us do to make this a better place for our kids and our grandchildren? I would love to hear your thoughts.

From Slummy Mummy to Yummy Mummy

2010-02-17T23:28:00.003Z

I remember how eye-catching the above title was when I read it as the subject of a talk aimed at Mums considering going into their own business. It's not mine but it encapsulates what I want to write about and that is about image.

For those of you that do not know me, I had two girls within 15 months of each other. That meant that any figure I once had just disappeared. As a consequence and due to being physically and emotionally exhausted post the second birth, I spent the best part of two years as slummy mummy. I lived in jeans and as I had told myself that I would not spend money on clothes in a size that I did not intend to inhabit for long, most of them were not in anyway stylish.

So what changed? Some things did not change much in that I am much happier in an informal environment and will still wear jeans frequently. Using my coaching techniques and my will power which can be formidable, I lost the baby weight and am now five pounds heavier than I was pre-children. Not bad when the experts say that one should expect to gain half a stone with every child one has! So that meant I was able to reward myself and buy some new clothes. And yet it was more than that, I realised that I was the face of my business and therefore it was worth getting dressed up and wearing make up for networking meetings and tweet ups. It also made me feel more confident. Around the same time I discovered eye brow plucking in a big way. I don't do it methodically but I swear it makes me look younger which, when everything else is going south, is a bonus! I also have a three year old who, when asked what she wants me to wear, always says a dress. Sometimes I comply but normally I compromise by going as far as skirt.

So that's me but I found something that is a bit of fun and can be used to help you decide who you are, so tick off mentally all the ones that resonate with you:

Slummy Mummy

You always wear the same clothes as they are practical, and often covered in food.
You may occasionally get to brush your hair before you go out.
You have turned up at a class only to find that it is half term and you had forgotten
You do the odd class only because you want to get out and meet people for your sanity
The house is always an absolute tip and you don't care - what is the point of tidying up when all the toys will come out again anyway?

Yumy Mummy

You are always perfectly groomed
You wouldn't dream of taking your children swimming yourself as you would mess up your hair - they have a personal instructor
Your children wear designer clothes
Your children have a strict timetable of classes from birth to ensure their education is top notch, they will never be allowed to jus play
The house is always perfectly tidy, and you would never know children live there

This post has been written for Josie's writing workshop and was inspired by Nicky's post, which when I read it, I knew that I just had to write my own version. So thank you Nicky and Josie for giving birth to this post so to speak.

Getting the balance between work and the family

2010-02-17T13:52:00.004Z

It's Wednesday and we are mid-way through the half term break so it seems a good point to reflect on life as a Mumpreneur and share what I really enjoy. This is only possible because I am a WFHM so I have the choice of how to manage my work. It struck me because I was at a networking meeting last night where one couple who are also business partners were there, and their kids were upstairs using laptops because they have no back up support and could not leave them at home. In that instance it meant that one of them kept nipping out to go and check on the kids and therefore could not be fully present. More than that, I think it means that it is difficult to get into the different rhythms that a half term break offers.

What I have enjoyed this week is the fact that I have not had to jump out of bed early o'clock to get the breakfast conveyor belt going. We had a lie in this morning and were finishing up breakfast at 9.45am which was delightful. No need to hurry the girls into the clothes or have the mad hunt round for someone's indoor shoes or gloves that have gone missing. We then sauntered into town and had a delightful morning before returning for lunch.

We are also using this week to catch up with friends that are a little further afield or whose kids have different routines during termtime. This is very valuable because in some cases we have known the families since our eldest was born in 2006 and strong bonds have been formed by all concerned. In particular, I am looking forward to having dinner with a member of our antenatal group tomorrow night, who emigrated to Canada almost two years ago, and is back on a short holiday.

I like to remember these times and celebrate them because it is a reminder to me about the reasons why I forego returning to a corporate environment and all the financial perks that went with that. I did it because I wanted my girls to form a stronger relationship with me than the workers at their nursery.

However there is no perfect answer. There are all sorts of reasons why women go back to work full-time after having children. Further more there are down sides to the choice I made such as the fact that my hands are a little rougher from washing up on a daily basis all that does not go in the dishwasher because the water is so hard round here. There is an unspoken agreement that that falls into my domain because my OH is now the main breadwinner. This is something I rail against from time to time as it is not what I signed up for when we got married. However I do not push back too hard because I enjoy the benefits of having time with my girls whilst they are young, and the challenge that comes from running one's own business to make a profit.

What happens 24 hours from Tulsa/ home?

2010-02-15T17:28:00.006Z

I am conscious that as I sit here I am feeling really invigorated. I also know the reason why: my weekend was completely different from usual. For 24 hours A and I had no children. Much as I love my toddlers, one always knows when they are around because there is a constant stream of chatter and set of demands until bed time.

We spent a night with the girls at my parents' house and then on Saturday morning they went off to the theatre and we set off for a wedding. We managed to fit so much into 24 hours. We discussed what we wanted to get out of 2010 as a husband and wife team. This means that I will be commiting my business plan to paper for the first time with monthly targets around income. Even more important than that we had fun as a couple, giggling as we looked round Frome trying to find a shop that sold lingerie that was aimed at the under 60 market!

Later on we partied hard at the wedding and were amongst the last to go to bed at around 2am. Last night I had the aches that proved I had spent around three hours on the dance floor. It was also a chance to catch up with friends we have not seen for a long time. All great scene setting for some fab sex later, followed by a glorious lie-in. We did not stir our stumps until after 10am!

So why am I telling you all this. The purpose of this post is not to promote Valentine's Day - too commercialised for me - also the timing was by chance. It is to highlight the importance of balance in our lives. It is easy to talk about and often hard to do when we work full-time or even part-time running our own businesses and managing a family. Often time as a couple gets side lined. A and I have made a commitment to do something together more regularly as I believe it will have benefits for us as a family. If you are interested in learning techniques on how to get more balance in your life then check out the workshops on this website.

The lion's strength lies in its vulnerability

2010-02-12T17:20:00.005Z

Do you find that you have patterns of behaviour that repeat themselves over and over until you are sick of them, they are so familiar? Every time you think that you have got to grips with a particular pattern something happens and before you know it you are back in the same old trap? I am imagining you nodding your head. If you talk about it do you find that people become all censorious about it or perhaps overly understanding? Neither help because in the end we have to make peace with ourselves, accept ourselves for who we are. Or if we cannot, then it is time to go down the path of change which can be tough and rewarding all at the same time.

We are always at choice. When something happens, we can either respond to it or ignore it. What we decide to do to some extent depends on our values and what is important to us. At school I was not popular and one of the main reasons for this was because I always supported the underdogs, those that were bullied or picked on because one of my core values is social justice and equality. This has stayed with me so that often at great cost to myself, I find that I am speaking out about injustices that I notice.

This goes counter to another tendency that we all have to some extent and that is the desire to belong, to be part of something bigger than ourselves. This is so important to some people's identities that they will defend and protect it to the point where they will turn on the person who has brought into question some of their practices rather than remain curious to new ideas, and by so doing grow and learn. Change can be painful and not everyone is ready to embrace it.

One of my favourite patterns when I feel vulnerable and raw is to withdraw so that no one can see my pain and then when I am strong again, I bound back and rejoin the throng. I have decided to challenge that way of being this time and share my observations and pain whilst it is still very real so do remember that when you read this post and if you decide to comment.

What does community mean in a business context?

2010-02-10T13:22:00.005Z

There are a number of things that have been mulling around my head recently that I have wanted to put into a post but it is difficult to know where to start especially when people and emotions are involved. In broad terms, it is about community.

For some, my notions about business may seem quaint and old-fashioned but time again I see them being reaffirmed in the transactions that I observe around me. Right now I feel the need to share them. This is in part because of a recent incident in the twitter community of Mums, for more do check out Vicki's excellent post, which brought home the importance of being surrounded by people that care. In addition I have pointed out that online social networks could play a much bigger role in building community in a post for Mumsrock.

As a Mumpreneur with my own business, I have an underlying desire to establish my credibility and of course enjoy the fruits of my labour. That said those things are not what drive my business. For me it is part of a bigger vision. I want to make connections with people, support them in their endeavours by sharing what has worked for me and learn from them all at the same time.

I also recognise that it is very tough in part because of the economic climate but also because if one has a small business and/ or is a sole trader then one does not have the brand of a company like PricewaterhouseCoopers. We all know that for every lead generated it can often take months before there is paid work coming from it and sometimes what happens is that one come up against a series of dead ends which can be frustrating at best, soul destroying at worst.

That is why all small business people need a support network around them so that on those occasions when resilience fails and it seems impossible to bounce back and try something else, you know to whom you can turn to facilitate that turnaround. For that reason I am passionate about community and creating it wherever I can.

This does not mean we should be surrounding ourselves with "yes" people or those who have the same world view, as sometimes we need to hear tough messages in order to grow. In fact one of the Mumpreneurs that I speak to regularly has a very different energy to me. She is very driven and focused and some may see her as quite hard. What I take away from our exchanges is that I may need to re-examine my stretch targets and ask myself is this really a stretch for me as she never settles for second best. This is invaluable to me and helps me to grow as a person and a business woman.

I also believe in the adage that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. One of the reasons I spend so much time on twitter is that I see it as a quick way to get a feel for what a person is like and to start building a relationship. Recently I met two wonderful men through connections in twitterverse. We then had a tweetup and were surprised at the level of synergy there was between us. We are now looking at how we could work together and I am so looking forward to our meeting next week. Who knows there may even be a co-authored book in the mix.

It does not always work that way. One thing I find less helpful is when I feel that a contact is building a relationship with me because they have an ulterior motive in mind such as selling me something or getting me to attend one of their events. I guess that is because it feels like they are trying to manipulate me and that at some level they take me for fool for not realising that I would suss out their game. In those situations trust is lost.

So how easy is it? To an extent it is straight forward. Currently I get a great sense of support and camaraderie from members of Minerva's Mind, Judith's Room and an offline community called Enterprising Mums. Can you ever have enough? Probably not but it comes back to the age old issue of needing to juggle time and other resources so that they are spent wisely. And this is why I am wondering about whether to involve more time in other networks that I have dabbled in and new networks that I have recently become aware of.

As with all these things there are no easy answers. It is about experimenting with things and sticking with what works and letting go of those that prove to be time wasters.