Silent Sunday: experimenting with calmness and stillness

Today was a first for me.  For months we had been planning to go away for the w/e camping with some of my hubby's University friends.  They all have children so it would have been great fun for the young as well as an opportunity for the adults to catch up on a year's worth of news.  About two weeks ago, the Universe, God if you will, decided to remind me that I was not in control of my life.  I had a huge shock and had to make the toughest decision of my life to date.  It was something I would not wish on anyone.  Anyway the upshot of it all was that I ended up having a surgical procedure last week and was advised to take it easy for a week or two.

I knew my hubby would want to see his friends; that the girls love camping; and my body needed to recuperate.  I realised that I had to convince my hubby to do the trip with the girls and leave me behind.  In fact he was all for it and needed little convincing which felt like a result. 

Yesterday our au pair was at home and whilst I rested, walked as a way to clear my mind, picked fruit at the old allotment, cooked a very healthy dinner of spicy greens with chick peas.  However it was not a silent time.  Today from about 9.30 to 16.30 I had the whole house to myself.

It felt very odd and I decided it was time to take a leaf out of Brene Brown's book on imperfection and experiment with calmness and stillness.  Initially I felt as if there were a million things I needed to do and I went into human doing mode for a good hour or so, whilst tweeting and facebooking for inspiration.  The lovely Rachael suggested the fab idea of lying on the grass watching the sky, something I enjoyed in the middle of the day when the sun was out, and yes I did apply factor 30 suncream on my face and neck!  I used my neck pillow and practised my Alexandrian technique which felt really good to my back.

What got me into a place of stillness and calm was a 10 minute guided meditation using conscious embodiment techniques.  It was magical and the key was focusing on the breath and that led to so much more.  Later I topped it up with a practice which works with one's energetic field, also about 10 minutes which is as much as I can manage in one go.

I may not have had any life changing insights however I did realise I need to slow down in the run up to Poland.  I made the decision to take about 65% of the next two weeks off which is a big step for me and focus on my family and getting fitter.  The house is also the tidiest it has been in months which I find hugely pleasing!

I can definitely recommend the benefits of creating space and time for yourself as a way to revitalise and grow especially if you are a working parent!  I had complete silence for around 7 hours and benefitted hugely from it.  What small step(s) can you take to build more calm and stillness into your life?

What is the relationship between mentoring and authenticity?

One of the things about mentoring is that you get back as much if not more than you put in. I have been mentoring an amazing woman who also has a passion for diversity. Earlier in the year, when we were both doing some training for the NBP, we got talking and that is how it all began. As it happens she is also a coach and an experienced one at that, which means that because we both take an informal approach to our sessions, I generally receive a free coaching session too. A wonderful extra I never expected when we entered the process, nor is it part of the official process.

The irony is that my mentee is mid-way through the recruitment process for an organisation that I have known for over half my working life. We had a session by phone today which had the primary purpose of preparing her for her interview next week. That was accomplished and so much more was as well.

It all started with an innocuous question about how I was. I started to relate something that I have been processing for a while that has been very painful. Before I knew it I was being coached. It was fascinating because through the conversation I was able to meet one of my saboteurs or as Wendy Palmer refers to them "grinches" (a much more colourful description). Rebel girl is someone I know well who wants to protect and will come out all guns blazing with the attitude of I don't give a f**k whenever she feels I have been attacked. Today I realised that to move on I need to be able to acknowledge her and the part she plays for me. I tend to wrestle with her or repress her which means that she pins me down by stealth - an amusing sight for those on the outside which can be mortifying for me.

What I was able to do by having the coaching conversation was first to get a longer term perspective on the matter; second to dialogue with myself and in so doing be more of my whole self and refind my centre. If you are into conscious embodiment, you will recognise the next phrase which is what I came up with: I am committed to the process, I don't know what the outcome will be but I trust whatever it is. Holding the space of unknowing rather than trying to control it, seek external approval or back a way due to a lack of safety is something I am really starting to get.

The beauty of experiencing such moments of wholeness is that I can share them with my clients and thereby give them practical tools to get more out of their lives as well as enable my own authentic self to grow. It's a great win-win. It is also a good example of what can be gained in a mentoring relationship.