How can you juggle work in the City, a family and a life?

Although it is Friday and fewer people read blogs at the end of the week, I am conscious that I have yet to submit a post this week. One of the things that I like to do is reach the goals I set myself and currently I have said I will submit at least one blog post a week quite a challenge with a three day week in the City, as well as pursuing other business interests and spending quality time with the girls on the four days I am not working.

What is the secret to juggling so many balls all at once? Here are my tips on how to do it often learnt through making lots of mistakes:

1. Be very clear about your values and how to make them come alive.

Now I have kids they are my top priority because I know I will never get this time back. It means that I make sure I leave London in time to see them before they go to bed and I am always rewarded with shouts of glee and cuddles which definitely makes it worth while.

2. Have clear boundaries between work, social and family time

I don't like spending my evenings on the laptop so I make sure all big things are completed before I go home so that I can really focus on my other roles as a mum, wife and friend. It is a challenge to get the balance right.

This week my eldest started school and as I started my new role in the last two weeks of August, we could not have a last minute holiday to mark the end of the era or anything like that. However we did have a very special day in which we went to Gulliver's Land just me and the girls. The sun was shining, we had a great picnic and some spoily treats like chips with our sarnies and later an ice cream. Everyone got to go on their favourite rides except for the Python: the youngest was too short for that. It was a great day and a fab way to mark the end of pre-school and the start of a new stage - I highly recommend it.

3. Communicate clearly what you need and want from others

Easy to say and hard to do. With my husband I have realised that I have to spell things out in black and white. A recent example was saying I need thirty minutes to think and write otherwise I get constant interruptions or there is an expectation that I will drop everything to help him with something.

4. Being grateful for what we have

We have our very first au-pair which is exciting and demanding all at the same time. Fortunately we are very lucky to have some with an even temperament who is very obliging but there are things that do not get done. She does not enjoy cooking and I asked her to do sausages, beans and potatoes for the girls. At 6pm nothing had happened because she was playing with the girls and lost track of the time, so my OH who was at home, got up and cooked the dinner. Again tonight she asked to help and I got her to do the cheese sauce, the cheat's way as perfected by Delia - bung the flour, milk and butter in a pan together and stir rapidly. She left it for a while and so we ended up with loads of lumps and much swearing under the breath from me as I tried to fix it.

The way forward: I need to remind myself of how much help she is giving and how many great qualities she has; and my plan is to write a plan of what I expect her to do this w/e along with a meal planner. In fact we are delliberately cooking more than we need so she does not have to do too much cooking on her own. Watch this space.

I hope this post is helpful and would love to hear what it has sparked off in you. I leave you with this thought that taking the time to invest in someone at the beginning and give them support will lead to them being fully effective and happy in their role much more quickly. This is true whether it's an au pair or a colleague at work.

(picture from http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthieu-aubry/2754725579#)

How to make the shift from being at home to corporate life as smoothly as possible

I am sitting down to write this blog after an hour of peace and quiet. It has been a difficult day with the girls. In their own way they are feeling the transition from Mummy being a work from home Mum to a corporate Mum just as much as I am. The difference is that they are not yet as able to articulate their feelings as coherently as I can.

How has it been I hear you asking? What changes has it brought? Let's start with the good stuff. I love knowing what I am going to do in broad terms three days a week and being able to rely on regular money coming in. I enjoy being in London and having a 20-30 minute walk each way twice a day. Yesterday was a good example of the freedom I now enjoy which was the chance to meet up with a friend, who is back from Hong Kong, for a coffee at short notice without the girls. It is also lovely to be part of a team that is responsible for large scale change and it is very exciting especially as I believe in what I am doing. The bonus has been receiving compliments about my creativity and my ability to add value from the start.

So what am I less sure about? I do not enjoy the fact that 9 out of 10 women wear black or grey suits in the City, occasionally they add white and beige to the mix! In an act of rebellion perhaps, or just to ensure that I never lose sight of who I am, I have been wearing a lot of orange and coral these first couple of weeks. My girls have had to do two to three days a week at nursery and often 10 hours. Thankfully because of support from my Mum, this has happened less frequently then it may have done. I miss my girls and they miss me and the only good thing is that they greet me with peals of delight every evening when I walk in and both want to be picked up and hugged at the same time.

The least likeable aspects are the politics which are rife in most corporates, I just find the whole thing pointless and energy zapping. Even more concerning is the extent to which fear drives employees and how they behave. People have already talked about being "judged" if the project does not deliver. This is unhealthy on so many levels.

My tips to any other parent in this place is:

1. Be very clear about why you are doing this.
2. Ensure that the time that you do spend with your children is quality time wherever possible. It assuages the guilt.
3. Recognise what you are gaining from being in the workplace - for me I am regaining some of my identity which got rather buried over the last three years!
4. Talk through how you are going to make it work with your partner if you both commute and if they are visual, have a week or month's view that shows who will do the pick ups and drop offs; the dinner etc.
5. Monitor how the new set up is working. If it really does not work for any of you then change it. If it is tough but works then be grateful for what it gives you and your family

Love to hear your thoughts on this below.

All change

This photo is about the only one of the holiday which has me in it too. The interesting hair style was thanks to my eldest who insisted on doing my hair before we left the tent! The photo was taken on a fabulous day in Le Jura. We managed to do something that OH and I used to love doing before having kids which was walking in mountains. The girls did really well considering it was quite steep; they only had crocs on; and the youngest is still only two!

As a Mum I have found that enjoying motherhood has come more easily for me as the girls have left babyhood, gained increasing independence and have been able to converse with me. Yes there is the cute factor when they are babies but having mine as close as I did (15 months apart), much of the first two years passed in a fog of exhaustion.

Why all this reminiscing because everything is about to change. I found out today that I will be starting a contract with a large blue chip company in the middle of August which will mean three days a week in London. What does this mean? The good news is that I will know my monthly income and have access to regular adult conversation. However the cost will be less time to do fun things with my gorgeous girls. It was today whilst we were at an Under the Sea potluck lunch with the eldest's postnatal group that I got confirmation of my start date.

I say all this and yet I do believe that if we suck the marrow out of life, there will still be plenty of opportunities to have fun. Being in London so regularly will also give me an opportunity to catch up with some wonderful people that I have not been able to see whilst based in Hertfordshire like Callie. So you could say plus ca change plus c'est la meme chose. However you look at it, it is exciting and I am really looking forward to this new phase whilst making the most of the time I will have with my girls until then.

How does she do it?

I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the cosmos at the moment but as I am not an astrologist so I cannot be sure. It just seems that many people I know are having very busy times that can at times be extraordinarily stressful. Below is an account of my day today because it highlights what those of us who are Mums and running businesses go through a lot.

I am launching a new course next month and have done a great deal of prep for it. My initial email had not had much response so I ended up going to a networking event this morning as I knew I would meet some of the people who had signalled initial interest there. This sounds easier than it was. Last week I had to call in a favour with a good friend and ask her to look after my 2 y/o as despite the event being aimed at Mums, there is no creche. I did not feel too bad as we usually see said friend and her 2 y/o on Wednesdays at the same playgroup. What it involved was getting to the venue 40 minutes early to deposit my youngest before heading off to the meeting.

However that was not all. Part of the reason I had not gone to bed until 23.30 last night was because I had to wrap a pressie and write a card for the daughter of a dear friend (we went to school together) because she was three today. It is the 3 y/o's ballet class on Wednesday and so I had to call in an even bigger favour and ask one of my local friends if she would pick up the 3 y/o from pre-school, feed her lunch, let her play w/ her daughter then take her to and from ballet. She often takes the 3 y/o to ballet but would now be responsible for her for 4.5 hours. Despite feeling uncomfortable about this, I did ask and she did say yes last week. Just needed to remember to pack her ballet stuff for pre-school and take her car seat with us too!!

That done the 2 y/o and I headed into town. This involved finding a new car park where I was going to meet my friend, so a quick look on the internet was needed before we headed out. Deposited 2 y/o then a mad dash to the networking meeting stopping briefly to apply lippy in the car mirror. As soon as the meeting had finished and I had caught up with a couple of people, it was a mad rush back to the playgroup where I sang a couple of songs with my 2 y/o, touched base with friend then a quick march homewards for lunch. Just needed to check that all was ok with friend who was picking up 3 y/o because she had not been at pre-school or answered her phone that morning so popped into her house. Ended up going through a convoluted explanation with her husband as that friend was out and then hurried home to feed 2 y/o.

After a quick sandwich we headed off to Buckingham about an hour away. We had to stop en route to fill the car with diesel as it was virtually empty! We arrived at the softplay area in plenty of time and so I was able to fit in 3 business calls including one about a possible venue for my 3 y/o's birthday which is next month. Importantly I got the last space in the car park. We stayed for an hour and a half. There was more food including chips and other starchy stodge for the mummys. We managed to see the cutting of the cake before we left. Despite a good run home we still got back after my friend so there was a message on the home phone saying that she had my 3 y/o at her house. That did make me feel guilty so we scooted over as fast as we could to collect the 3 y/o.

Since then I have been at home with two very tired children doing the bedtime ritual including supper and party cake. Not a great combination with a rather stressed, over-caffeinated Mum to boot. Is it all worth it I wonder? What do you think?

Getting the balance between work and the family

It's Wednesday and we are mid-way through the half term break so it seems a good point to reflect on life as a Mumpreneur and share what I really enjoy. This is only possible because I am a WFHM so I have the choice of how to manage my work. It struck me because I was at a networking meeting last night where one couple who are also business partners were there, and their kids were upstairs using laptops because they have no back up support and could not leave them at home. In that instance it meant that one of them kept nipping out to go and check on the kids and therefore could not be fully present. More than that, I think it means that it is difficult to get into the different rhythms that a half term break offers.

What I have enjoyed this week is the fact that I have not had to jump out of bed early o'clock to get the breakfast conveyor belt going. We had a lie in this morning and were finishing up breakfast at 9.45am which was delightful. No need to hurry the girls into the clothes or have the mad hunt round for someone's indoor shoes or gloves that have gone missing. We then sauntered into town and had a delightful morning before returning for lunch.

We are also using this week to catch up with friends that are a little further afield or whose kids have different routines during termtime. This is very valuable because in some cases we have known the families since our eldest was born in 2006 and strong bonds have been formed by all concerned. In particular, I am looking forward to having dinner with a member of our antenatal group tomorrow night, who emigrated to Canada almost two years ago, and is back on a short holiday.

I like to remember these times and celebrate them because it is a reminder to me about the reasons why I forego returning to a corporate environment and all the financial perks that went with that. I did it because I wanted my girls to form a stronger relationship with me than the workers at their nursery.

However there is no perfect answer. There are all sorts of reasons why women go back to work full-time after having children. Further more there are down sides to the choice I made such as the fact that my hands are a little rougher from washing up on a daily basis all that does not go in the dishwasher because the water is so hard round here. There is an unspoken agreement that that falls into my domain because my OH is now the main breadwinner. This is something I rail against from time to time as it is not what I signed up for when we got married. However I do not push back too hard because I enjoy the benefits of having time with my girls whilst they are young, and the challenge that comes from running one's own business to make a profit.

What happens 24 hours from Tulsa/ home?

I am conscious that as I sit here I am feeling really invigorated. I also know the reason why: my weekend was completely different from usual. For 24 hours A and I had no children. Much as I love my toddlers, one always knows when they are around because there is a constant stream of chatter and set of demands until bed time.

We spent a night with the girls at my parents' house and then on Saturday morning they went off to the theatre and we set off for a wedding. We managed to fit so much into 24 hours. We discussed what we wanted to get out of 2010 as a husband and wife team. This means that I will be commiting my business plan to paper for the first time with monthly targets around income. Even more important than that we had fun as a couple, giggling as we looked round Frome trying to find a shop that sold lingerie that was aimed at the under 60 market!

Later on we partied hard at the wedding and were amongst the last to go to bed at around 2am. Last night I had the aches that proved I had spent around three hours on the dance floor. It was also a chance to catch up with friends we have not seen for a long time. All great scene setting for some fab sex later, followed by a glorious lie-in. We did not stir our stumps until after 10am!

So why am I telling you all this. The purpose of this post is not to promote Valentine's Day - too commercialised for me - also the timing was by chance. It is to highlight the importance of balance in our lives. It is easy to talk about and often hard to do when we work full-time or even part-time running our own businesses and managing a family. Often time as a couple gets side lined. A and I have made a commitment to do something together more regularly as I believe it will have benefits for us as a family. If you are interested in learning techniques on how to get more balance in your life then check out the workshops on this website.

Can you have it all?

Yesterday I had the great privilege of being part of the Network of Black Professionals and the Women's Leadership Network 's new mentee programme for senior women within Further Education. The participants were an impressive collection of women, many of whom were at Vice Principal level looking for tips on how to progress their career that bit further. It was a very interactive session with much of the input coming from the delegates and that could explain in part why there was such a feeling of openness and trust within the room.

I was surprised at how well the section on barriers to career progression went as women really made the most of the opportunity to share the challenges they faced. What saddened me however was the extent to which some of the external pressures had not changed. There were still references to the old boy network in the sense that conversation amongst peers tended to focus on football; huge challenges around family commitments and work/ life balance existed; and the experience of the glass ceiling was common. The most significant finding was the part that self-limiting beliefs played in many cases and/ or a lack of confidence in their own abilities to perform at a more senior level.

This shocked me and also made me realise that there is a place for the work of Minerva's Mind in these type of environments which has a focus on helping people develop their own leadership style and realise along the way that it is their imperfections that make them more accessible to others. It also made me realise how real the struggle is that many Mums face who want to work and have a role in which they are taken seriously alongside providing a loving environment for their family at home. Furthermore confidence or the lack of it is not just the preserve of those Mums who do not go back to work but affects us all wherever we find ourselves on the spectrum of to work or not. It is much clearer why Mums at Director level have decided to choose another path because having it all is a myth.