Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Where do you draw the line when it comes to another's happiness?

So here's my dilemma. The OH has been offered a job which he really wants to do. Normally I am all for him being happy in what he does especially at work which occupies five out of seven days most weeks! Who wouldn't be?

My first feeling of unease came about when I discovered that because of the nature of the

Photo is by Henning

job, he will have to be office based. Ever since we had the children over four years ago, he has been a home worker which has been a marvellous sense of support. Although moving to an open-plan style barn did mean it had its challenging moments from time to time as he could not just shut the door to stop interruptions from the girls!

Yes it will be different but in many ways I can live with that because I believe he will be happier. So what am I wrestling with you might well ask? The role happens to be top secret which means he has to be security vetted. This means he has to fill in pages of information not just about himself but about me, our siblings and our parents. One question which particularly got to me was the one in which we had to declare whether or not we had loaned a thousand pounds or more to anyone in the last five years. The level of detailed information that they require about our financial affairs is incredible and I want to be able to say that's enough already. Instead I am being the dutiful wife and digging up the information he requires to get clearance. All I can say is I hope it is worth it!

So that brings me to this week's question for you: when do you say enough is enough especially when your actions could impact on the happiness of another? Put it another way what compromises do you make to ensure harmony in key relationships such as a marriage/ long term partnership?


  1. I never really say 'enough' to OH over this kind of thing. Just tut and harumph with increasing vehemence. But then, I have been the glad recipient of a lot of career support (financial, emotional) myself! Isn't it all just part of the unspoken mutual contract?

  2. Hi Sarah good to see you here, thanks for popping by. In a way I agree but I guess I find that the info that they are requesting is an invasion of privacy for example they have the power to ask banks for a copy of our bank statements over a 12 month or longer period plus they want to know where each member of our immediate family and their spouses/ partners have lived for the last 5 years. I think that is excessive and contravenes all my views around civil liberties. Then I have always had issues with anything related to the military and the unspoken values it upholds such as duty and patriotism. Not sure they take us to an expression of our whole selves.