Are you a leader or a follower?

This post is inspired by a conversation that I had with two men in my life right now. For those of you who are wondering, no they have not supplanted Andy in my affections; the connection with Michael and Steven is an energetic one and is very exciting because it works on a mind, spirit, emotional and gut level. So much so that my coffee machine blew up when they came over for lunch yesterday! In fact the make of coffee machines is known for going wrong so it is probably unrelated. The three of us spent part of the afternoon discussing our book and what we were going to write about next and I received so many insights on some of the stuff that I am working through right now that I had to share them with you. What it boils down to is this.

We all have a desire to belong, to feel part of a community. To some extent this comes from the parenting we receive which some describe as socialising little people so that they "fit" within society. If you are a parent just think about how much time you spend/ have spent prompting your kids about good manners and saying their ps and qs so to speak. Is it any wonder therefore that when we grow up we start looking for our tribe so that we can say we have found our place? If that motivation is what drives us then we can run into problems. Why? Remember back to when you were a child and you had a secret club with your best friend or a sibling. It might have included your own language and special signs. Whatever was involved, there was bound to be some rites and rituals. When we join groups as an adult, they each have their own rules and these are often unspoken and they are what help to give the group its identity. The problem is that if you then go and challenge them in any way, you too become a threat to the group and its raison d'etre so there is likely to be a strong reaction to you as a way of protecting the group's identity.

In part leading is about challenging the status quo. It is definitely about putting our stake in the ground, saying what we believe in and standing by that even when the response we receive is either hostile or indifferent. Over time, if we are doing that from a place of authenticity then our group of supporters will group but this is not an overnight process and the journey to that place can be hard and lonely. Seth Godin writes that when we lead if we do not feel an edge of discomfort then we are not actually leading.

If this is true then it is not surprising that so few people are prepared to take a stand and be a leader. And yet I believe that each and every one of us has a unique voice that needs to be heard to make this world a better place for us all. It is the role of some to help others find their voice because I believe leadership is like a dance in which we come together and each of us leads the others in one section. To find out more about accessing your authentic voice, check out http://authenticselfleadership.wordpress.com

What happens 24 hours from Tulsa/ home?

I am conscious that as I sit here I am feeling really invigorated. I also know the reason why: my weekend was completely different from usual. For 24 hours A and I had no children. Much as I love my toddlers, one always knows when they are around because there is a constant stream of chatter and set of demands until bed time.

We spent a night with the girls at my parents' house and then on Saturday morning they went off to the theatre and we set off for a wedding. We managed to fit so much into 24 hours. We discussed what we wanted to get out of 2010 as a husband and wife team. This means that I will be commiting my business plan to paper for the first time with monthly targets around income. Even more important than that we had fun as a couple, giggling as we looked round Frome trying to find a shop that sold lingerie that was aimed at the under 60 market!

Later on we partied hard at the wedding and were amongst the last to go to bed at around 2am. Last night I had the aches that proved I had spent around three hours on the dance floor. It was also a chance to catch up with friends we have not seen for a long time. All great scene setting for some fab sex later, followed by a glorious lie-in. We did not stir our stumps until after 10am!

So why am I telling you all this. The purpose of this post is not to promote Valentine's Day - too commercialised for me - also the timing was by chance. It is to highlight the importance of balance in our lives. It is easy to talk about and often hard to do when we work full-time or even part-time running our own businesses and managing a family. Often time as a couple gets side lined. A and I have made a commitment to do something together more regularly as I believe it will have benefits for us as a family. If you are interested in learning techniques on how to get more balance in your life then check out the workshops on this website.