Thursday, 1 April 2010
Beware the ides of March
I recall when I announced to some colleagues that I was setting up my own business that one of them said how hard it was to go solo. Back then the comment barely registered. Now some time into it, I really do understand what they were trying to say.
Reflecting back on March, it was a very tough month. In many ways it should not have been. I was busier than I had ever been since starting my own business and yet....
There was a moment when I felt that what I had set out to do with Whole Self Leadership had failed. I became paralysed by fear which made the feeling of stuckness even more real. I was incapable of making even basic decisions or running the house well. All this was because two initiatives that I had put together with others did not get off the ground. Insufficient people wanted what we were offering. That's rejection and it's painful however many times it happens.
What I now realise thanks to a very helpful chat with Qdosology is that the act of destruction or death is all part of the process on the journey of transition. In other words for me to find my true path for now, I need to let go of that which is not serving me. I particularly liked his way of explaining it using the caterpillar's life cycle. I am currently in the chrysalis stage and trying to punch my way out so that I can be a beautiful butterfly. I have never been very good at waiting.
It also helps me to accept that whilst I am a Mum that is not the whole of my identity. In other words whilst I would have liked to have had a blog that was nominated for the MADs, I was not surprised or disappointed when it was not.
So what's next? Karen and I had a very useful discussion on where to take Minerva's Mind so watch this space and I have made a decision to find 5 minutes each day to meditate probably using incense or an oil burner to help focus the mind. Putting this out here means there is now some accountability to doing it so I can report back on what I learnt.
This post has been written as part of the writing workshop over at Sleep is for the Weak and is on sharing how I am dealing with a deep felt sense of rejection.